Chapter 1

Olivia's POV

I don't know when it happened. I don't know when the relationship for me changed from friendship to something deeper.

But the thing is when you experience as much as Elliot and I have together for the past nine years things change. He has been there in some of the darkest times in our career.

He was there when I found out that I had a brother. He was there for me emotionally and as a friend through some of the cases that hit me in the worst kind of way. It's the same for me. There have been times when Elliot thought about quitting and leaving it all.

It was me who changed his mind. Who reminded him why we were in this job in the first place. To remind him that when worst came to worst we had each other to lean on. When things got bad I was the one he turned to. It's always been like that. It just has.

All I know is that I can't imagine my life without him. And last week when Elliot was in the hospital I was at a loss for words. I had no idea what to do or what to say with Kathy there.

Elliot loves his family. He doesn't want to leave them. He loves his kids and he loves Kathy in some way. And even though he never meant to stay with her things got complicated when she got pregnant. When she begged him to stay with her that changed everything.

I've waited so long to have a chance with him. But I know that there's no way it can happen now. And I'm not sure I can wait much longer. I'm tired of being alone. I'm tired of New York. I need a change.

I keep reminding myself of all these things while I pack my things in my office up in the small brown boxes that I brought with me. Casey anI'd Finn both helped me put the things in the boxes and Casey sighed.

"Are you sure you have to go Liv?"

I nodded. "It's something I have to do. Trust me on this one."

She sighed. "It's going to be weird. It was weird when you were repositioned and it's going to be weird now. I know we haven't seen eye to eye all the time but you do the job well."

I smiled at her. "I'll try and keep in contact with you guys. Craigen hooked me up with the Special Victims Unit in California so he says I'm in good hands."

Fin looked up at me. "You're going to come back right? I mean is this a permanent move or should we keep your desk reserved?"

I laughed. "Don't bother. You guys will hardly notice that I'm gone."

Fin frowned. "Please. You're the only one around here who can take Elliot's bad attitude. You're the only partner he's ever had who's been able to work so well with him. Everyone knows that Liv. Are you really positive that you want this."

I nodded again. "I'm positive. I just need a change of scenery. A change of location. I feel like I've done enough here and now it's time for me to go somewhere else you know? They need me there."

"Sure we do." I turned around to see Elliot in the doorway with a look of confusion and hurt mixed in his eyes.

Casey and Fin dismissed themselves and I continued to put things in the boxes and smiled at him.

"Your sight is back?" He nodded.

"Yeah. The doctor said I was pretty lucky. But were not talking about me right now. What is all this Olivia?"

I sighed and put the stuff down looking at him.

"You heard me. I just need a change. I need to get away from this place. There's too many bad memories with my brother and everything here. That kind of stuff. I just need a little space from New York."

He looked at me taking a step closer.

"From New York or from your pain in the ass partner?"

I smiled. "That too."

He smiled but I could see he was still hurt no matter how much he tried to hide it.

"What's the real reason? You can give me the bull crap again if you want to but I can tell that there's something else behind it. So what is it Olivia? What did I do to piss you off so much you're actually leaving?"

I looked down. "It's complicated. It's not all you Elliot it's just.."

He stepped closer to me again and I moved back. "Stop. Stop it, just back up okay?" I begged.

His fierce blue eyes held mine. "I call bull shit."

I looked at him. "Excuse me?"

He smiled. "You know that game? The one where the whole point is to deceive people about what cards you have and if someone things your lying they get to call bull. So I call it. I'm calling you on your lies. You know what happens when someone gets called out on in the game?"

I called at him curiously. "Enlighten me."

"They have to relieve what their real cards are. So show me what the cards are Liv. Let me know what I'm up against so I at least know how I can convince you that you have the wrong hand."

"I can't. Elliot I can't tell you because It's complicated and what I want to ask you I can't."

He narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Try me on for size."

I exhaled a slow and steady breath before making eye contact with him again.

"Leave your wife."

His eyes got big and he let out a small shocked laugh.

"See? I told you it was complicated."

His gaze held mine and he looked at me. "Why should I?"

I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. "Because she's not the right one for you Elliot. She hasn't been for a long time and I think that all of us have known that. When was the last time that you were actually happy and you weren't staying with her because of someone else?"

He didn't respond and I nodded looking away.

"Exactly."

"If she's not right for me who is?"

I sighed. "Someone who understands you. Someone who realizes that you can be the biggest idiot on the planet. Someone who's used to your irrational temper. Someone who can make you laugh even after the worst days during work. Someone who understands your job and why you would even want to do what we do. Who understands the crazy hours and the crazy people you work with and the crazy trials you face. But most importantly someone who is crazy about you Elliot. Someone who cares about you because she does. Not because she has to for her kids."

Elliot's eyes softened. "Liv."

I put a hand up. "Please. Don't give me the pity talk. Don't patronize me. I don't need your sympathy."

He sighed.

"You know I care about you."

He looked away and ran his hand through his hair and closed his eyes. "I wish I could" He looked back at me.

"I wish I could Olivia."

I felt the tears sting the back of my throat and my eyes but told myself that the last thing I would do was be weak in front of him. I wasn't about to beg. I wasn't going to cry and tell him I would be miserable if he didn't. It was his choose to make and he had obviously made it.

I smiled at sadly. "Me too."

I grabbed some of the boxes and he stood in front of me. I glared at him. "Move. Elliot would you please move?"

He didn't and I hit him in the chest. "Move!"

Not a budge. I went to hit him again and he grabbed my wrist making me look him in the eyes.

"Olivia. You have to understand me." He looked into my eyes and whispered the words he said again. "I wish I could."

He went to touch my face and I hit his hand away.

"Liv. You don't understand. I feel like I'm torn between a rock and a hard place here. If Kathy wasn't pregnant I would tell you how I feel. But right now she needs me. She needs me to try and work out things with her. So I can't leave her. Don't you get it?"

I looked away and back at him. "Elliot. I will ask you again. Please move out of my way."

He sighed and stepped to the side letting me through.

I looked at him. "My plane leaves at ten tomorrow morning. Casey, Fin, Cragen and Warner are seeing me off. I just thought you should know incase you want to say to goodbye."

With that I pushed through the doors and it wasn't until I felt the tears hitting my shirt I realized I was crying.