Pain. Inexplicable pain. It coursed through me like wildfire, burning every last inch of my body. It left no place unscathed or untouched. I felt each nerve ending in my body like a fiber optic strand, illuminated by the blaze that was stealing away my life. I had something to live for, something to fight for, but it was overshadowed by my immense suffering. The pain I was enduring was bigger, much bigger. This must be what death feels like -- I must be dying. I recalled feeling something like this once before, last time I'd almost died. I told my left hand to move to my right wrist to trace the scar James's bite left, but my arm didn't move. It must already be burnt in the fire.

I'd always believed that images of my life would flash before my eyes as I died. Renee had told me that once when I was little, and I remember telling her I hoped I'd see her in my flashbacks. But I didn't see her face at all; I didn't see anything.

I also imagined that death would be quicker. Now that I know the cause of my death, I was disappointed in the ability of the fire to quickly spread to the critical organs, the ones that are keeping me alive now. My skull had to be ready to give way by now. The fire on my chest seemed to consume my heart, but it wasn't rendering it useless. Maybe I was meant to suffer before I died. I wouldn't doubt it – no one would be allowed to have such a remarkable other half and get to die a peaceful death.

Edward. That's what I was fighting for, I remember now. But the pain is withstanding, not backing down from my pitiful fight. If I wasn't too close to death to save, he'd be working his hardest to save me. But I didn't feel his cold hands on me. I'd feel them like an oasis in the Sahara if his icy hands were embracing my scorching body. He'd given up too, just like I had.

Our time together had been perfect. I'd never believed in perfect love. Charlie and Renee divorced when I was so young, and their love was far from perfect. Divorce seemed rampant in all of the families of my friends in Phoenix, common almost, like all marriages were destined for divorce. Edward changed that for me. I'd never felt so connected to a single person in my life. We completed each other. I know, gag me, right? It's true though. He was my everything.

Funny, I lived exactly eighteen years of my life. I remember it was my birthday. Alice had thrown a ridiculous party for me complete with cake they wouldn't eat and presents I didn't ask for. Alice promised she'd keep it small, but she had lied. Edward kept his word not to get me anything.

Oh, right. Then there was Jasper. That stupid paper cut. He'd smelled my blood and had lost control. I remember smelling his breath on my face as his head dove down toward my neck. His perfect white teeth bit into my flesh before Edward ripped him away. The cake had fallen and maybe that's what set the house on fire. Esme would be so disappointed; she'd put her heart and soul into that house. Edward's extensive CD collection would be lost, and all of Carlisle's books would be nothing but ashes.

I was the only thing lost tonight that was irreplaceable.

I waited for what seemed like an eternity for death to wash over me. I imagined the grim reaper with his scythe leaning over me, examining me. He'd be scratching his chin, laughing, trying to determine when the right time to take me was. I hoped it was soon. I couldn't handle much more of this excruciating pain.

I lay paralyzed for an unquantifiable amount of time; it felt like years. Eventually, the pain subsided. The fire wasn't getting any smaller, so that must mean my life was drifting from my body – I was finally going to die. I thought about saying goodbye, but I knew it was useless. I couldn't make my mouth move, and no one would be around to hear me anyway. I hoped they'd gotten out of the fire, but I laughed at the thought of them not. They're fast, ridiculously fast. No fire could have ever caught them.

The pain eventually left, escaping me like the last bit of oxygen being sucked out of my lungs, though a tiny bit remained at the back of my throat as a reminder of what separated me from my life. My heart had stopped beating, my blood stopped flowing, and I no longer needed to breathe. I had passed on to the other side.

It was dark over on the other side. I couldn't see or feel anything. I couldn't even move. If this is what Edward was worried about missing out on, he would surely be disappointed. My limbs still refused to work, and my vocal chords were stuck, burnt by the fire that remained in my throat. There must be no talking in the afterlife. This felt like detention. I imagined Mr. Banner sitting behind his desk, grading papers or something, watching to make sure I didn't say anything. I really wished he'd turn the lights on though.

My time in detention lasted a few more forevers, just lying there, speechless and immobile. Just as I was ready to concede that this was my destiny until the end of time, I began to see light filtering into my line of vision. Something was getting brighter and brighter, and I fixed my eyes on the face of my new detention victim.

Alice! My eyelids popped open. They were all there. I was amazed that the afterlife included my favorite vampire family too. Had they all died in the fire? Surely not. I sat up in a state of confusion. I was moving again? I looked around the room, desperately searching for the one person I wanted more than the world. He wasn't there.

"Alice? Where am I?" I didn't recognize the room surrounding me, only the people in it. It was darker than the Cullen house where I was before I died.

"Bella, honey, you're safe, here, with us." She placed her hand on the side of my face, but it wasn't cold like it used to be. We had all died, except Edward. We'd left him alone.

"I'm so sorry every--" Someone else's voice was speaking over mine, but saying the same words. It sounded strange, but remarkably beautiful. I tried again. "I'm so sorry…" Same thing, someone's melodious voice was saying the same things I was.

"I'm so sorry everyone; I didn't mean to cause everyone to die. I should have been more careful." It sounded so songlike and harmonic. I felt like I was sobbing, but tears weren't falling. My tear ducts must have been burnt too.

"Bella, Bella, what are you talking about? No one is dead, you silly girl. Everything is fine." Alice's smile was calming and her voice as honey-sweet as ever, but she wasn't making sense.

"What do you mean no one is dead? I was killed in a fire, in your house, on my birthday!" Everyone was looking at me sympathetically, like I was making this up. "Can someone tell me why this voice is talking over my own?" Maybe this is what I sounded like in the afterlife.

Alice smiled again, this time it didn't seem as sweet to me, because I was entirely frustrated. What was wrong with these people? Why were they all going Stepford Wives on me?

She spoke: "Bella, ummm, how do I explain this…" Jasper ducked his head and stepped behind her, wrapping his arms around the front of her waist.

"Bella, I'm so sorry. I lost control, and I…bit you, on the neck. You were too far gone to suck the venom out, so Edward changed you. I'm so sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to." He ducked his head again; ashamed of what he did to me.

It took me a minute to comprehend his words. Edward changed me. Into a vampire. I looked down at my skin, smooth and perfect. I reached up to my face, it felt the same. My brown hair still fell past my shoulders. I spoke: "It's my voice isn't it. That's what I sound like as…" I couldn't finish.

Alice tilted her head to the side, and smiled consolingly, "As a vampire." I nodded at her, thanking her for finishing the sentence I couldn't make my mouth speak.

I sat silently for a while, taking in my new surroundings, mostly focusing on the familiar faces I called my family. They were even more beautiful than before: Rosalie's hair more silky and blonde, the indentations of Emmett's strong arms more defined than before, Carlisle's eyes more soft and caring than before. And everyone smelt wonderful.

Suddenly, I frantically searched again for the face that was perfectly sculpted and beyond faultless before. I longed to see how much more beautiful he was now that I could see with impeccable vision. I can't imagine him being any more stunning than before. I scanned the room several times, but he wasn't there.

"Alice, where is…where is Edward?" My hope was destroyed as the look on her face dropped. She was no longer smiling her perfect Alice smile.

"Bella, he left for…for a bit. We think he'll be back soon." Her lip quivered on the last syllable, forfeiting her believable tone.

"Alice. You're lying to me. Where is he?"

She broke down, "I don't know, Bella!" She dropped her face into her hands and spoke in choppy, sob-filled breaths, "He ran, he ran and hasn't decided where he's going. He left us, and I don't know if he'll come back."

My fingers curled around the edge of Carlisle's medical table that I was sitting on, effectively crushing the metal into the shape of my hand. I paid little attention to my new-found strength, focusing more on the fact that my life, my world had left me and this family. He ran. He doesn't want me now that I'm a vampire. His Bella is gone, so he left. I let my body fall heavily back on to the table, leaving an imprint of my elbows, shoulders, and head into the metal that crushed like cotton below me.

I laid there for days, weeks, leaving only to hunt, to pacify the burning that now lived in the back of my throat. Hunting was easy the first few times, but everything in my life was mechanical now – I was going through the motions. I hated what I was, because Edward hated what I was. I didn't want to see with flawless precision, or hear the pulse of my dinner half a mile away. I wanted to feel what I felt when he was near me, when he held me, but most importantly, I missed what I felt when he kissed me. I'd never have that back for as long as I lived as a vampire, which from what I understood, was an extremely long time.