DISCLAIMER: I don't own any anime characters or items mentioned in this fic. If I did, I'd be filthy stinking rich.
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Yume: Welcome back Minna-san! Our victim, err, guest this time is Wakaba Shinohara from Shoujo Kakumei Utena!
Wakaba: Yay! My hero is here!
Saori: Just for the sake of clarity, we will now refer to our Wakaba as ESPwakaba.
Yume: Good idea Saori!
Saori: No problem.
Saori drags Wakaba out from backstage and plops her on a random beanbag chair.
ESPwakaba: Hiya! I'll be asking the questions today!
Yume: Awwww! Oh well.
ESPwakaba: Okay… First off, are you really the Onion Princess?
Wakaba: Of course I am! The Onion Kingdom really exists too. I've seen it!
Saori: Sure.
Yume: Ooh! I want to go! Take me to the Onion Kingdom, or else!
Wakaba: O.o Okay.
Yume: Hooray!
ESPwakaba: Next question. Why are you in love with Saionji, of all people?
Wakaba: Well, he's cute, he's fun to glomp, he's looks great in a Speedo, he's nice, and he has really, really COOL HAIR!
Saori: (Under breath) Oh. My. Goddess.
ESPwakaba: Last question. If Saionji was tied to a chair and gagged in front of you, what would you do?
Wakaba: Heh, heh, heh. You know what I'd do!!!!
Shuichi in audience: Yuki, what would she do? I don't understand!
Yuki in audience: You baka! ::grins evilly:: Hey, why don't we try it and find out…
Saori: Uh…
Yume: That's actually a pretty good idea. Saori, why don't you bring Saionji out?
Saori: Wait, is this the same Saionji I offered to kill for money…
Saori shrugs and brings him out tied to a chair and gagged.
Wakaba squeals and glomps onto the green-haired prisoner. Saionji attempts to slap her, but unfortunately for him, he is tied to a chair. Yume snaps a picture of this and cackles evilly.
Yume: Mwa ha ha ha ha! Blackmail!
ESPwakaba: Gee Saionji, you look even more kawaii tied to a chair. Could I maybe have a lock of your hair?
Saionji: Mmph Mmmmmph! Translation: Of course not! ::to Wakaba:: Mm Mmmph Mph Mph Mmmmmph! Translation: Get off of me you stupid girl!
Wakaba: But I love you Kyouichi-kun!
Yume: Be nice to Wakaba or I'll chop of all your hair!
Saionji: Mph Mmmmph! Translation: (censored)
ESPwakaba: (grins evilly) Lets use that blackmail idea of yours Yume. Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Yume: I think I'm thinking what you're thinking… Hey Saionji, if you don't marry Wakaba I'll print that picture of you bound, gagged, and being glomped in the newspaper and cut off all your hair!
Saori: Why am I here again? I'm surrounded by complete psychos! ::looks over at Yume accusingly::
Yume: Hiiiii Saori! ::waves and smiles innocently::
Wakaba: Yay! I'm going to marry Kyouichi-kun! Wakaba Saionji, I like that! Don't you like it Kyouichi?
Saionji: Mmph Mmmmmmph Mmph! Translation: I'm not going to marry you! I hate you!
Yume: ::Yume grins evilly:: That's what you think. I have an idea.
Yume grabs a shot and sticks it in Saionji's arm. Then she releases him. Saionji twitches and his pupils dilate.
Saionji: Wakaba my love!
Saori: What the heck did you do?
Yume: I gave him a shot with stuff to make him fall in love with Wakaba. I have super amazing authoress powers so I can do that.
Saori rolls her eyes and groans.
ESPwakaba: That wasn't exactly what I was thinking of but it works too! Nice job Yume!
Wakaba glomps Saionji again and then they happily walk offstage to get married.
Tatsuya in audience: Wait! Wait my Onion Princess! Marry me, your Onion Prince, instead!
Wakaba from offstage: Yeah right you jerk! Saionji is my Onion Prince now! And his hair is prettier than yours, so there!
Saori: This show is so wrong. Please, end it now.
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Wakaba's Author Note: Wakaba is my favorite anime character, so I had to interview her. Sorry if Wakaba and Saionji are OC. Also, many of the strange Wakaba/Saionji situations in this fic come from Yume's sick, twisted, shonen-ai centered mind. Yup, it's all her fault. And in case you were wondering, Yume and I wrote this together. It's just posted on my account because she doesn't have one.
