Slate grey eyes met azure blue eyes once again. The look in each was of lust, anger - passion. Just their eyes told of unrequited love, the many wrongs that stood in the way of a right, the line between love and hate – lovers and enemies fading into non-existence. Just their eyes told you everything you needed to know – and it made me feel sick. As quickly as they met Madge's blue left Gale's grey, I know they wouldn't do anything they care about me to much – it's the fact of what they want to do that bothers me.

Peeta? Just hearing his name makes me want to curl into a ball, crawl into my cupboard or an abandoned room like when Prim died – I told him not to continue with the army, I knew it was a terrible idea and when the soldier came to the door holding his silver tags with the faintest bit of blood smeared on them. Haymitch only leaves his house to buy more booze now, there's another baker – he isn't as good as Peeta and he never will be. Gale found me when I was so broken I thought no amount of anything could put me back together. He feels guilty that he took part in Prim's death; that he left without warning and that the man who made me happier than anyone in the world is dead. He helped me move to District 2, he helped me smile again I mean when my mother complained he even proposed! In reality we're more like friends than lovers – when he tries to hold me at night its uncomfortable it's makes me miss how me and Peeta could spend all day in each overs arms; when we try to hold hands they just don't fit together so we don't bother anymore making me miss how me and Peeta were practically moulded to each over; when we kiss there's nothing there no fire no passion like kissing your aunt goodbye making me crave the fire and hunger that overtook me whenever Peeta just looked me in the eyes. I and Peeta were like two puzzle pieces – mad for one another whilst I and Gale are like when you're a kid without patience for puzzles and in desperation are trying two fit two pieces together without avail – you can try to force it but it will never be right. We haven't slept together and it's been two years. We are lying to each over and ourselves by saying we want to wait until we're married but we both know its bullshit. His grey meets mine now but it's not like how he looked at her – his eyes look glazed – pretending to love me whilst he yearns for another. I was so sure he still loved me; I managed to tell myself that I loved him to. Until we found her.

I was so sure that Madge Undersee was dead. She was one of my only friends and the sweetest girl I've ever met apart from Prim. She had this way of seeing things – to her we weren't saum and town. We were just district 12. She defied my expectations of the mayor's daughter and as I could see past trivial things like our colouring we sat next to each over at lunch. I thought she'd burned – turns out she had been burnt just not in the way I thought she'd been. Me and Gale had been wandering in a different part of town and were thirsty. Unable to find any other options we were forced into the shabby little pub called 'Lady's Head'. In was dirty and full of drunken war veterans looking to forget. I'd seen a vile 50-something man grab the waitress's thigh and murmured a noise of disgust. I felt sorry for the poor girl – she was obviously being forced to sell herself to live, her dress was obscenely short and tight and she was walking expertly in ridiculously high heels –I was impressed to see that she still held her head high. It was when another vulgar man old enough to be her father tucked some money into a pocket on the side of her dress and she turned around and I gasped. I never really paid attention to how Madge Undersee looked back in District 12. To me she was blonde hair and blue eyes – it didn't really matter our friendship was based on us seeing past outward appearances. I'd heard some whispers that she was pretty but I paid no attention. That day I had a really good look at her and even in this disgusting place she looked stunning. Her blonde hair fell in waves to her waist and appeared to glow, she was thinner than I remembered but then who wasn't? She still had those townie curves though. It was her eyes that got to me, they were still that sparkling azure blue that was impossible to forget but whilst I thought they'd show her giving up, accepting her miserable fate they showed fire, determination and strength. That was when I realised how strong Madge Undersee really was. Before I knew what I was doing I'd chased her over to the bar and grabbed her arm. At first those fire-y eyes showed confusion which quickly faded in recognition. Katniss? She'd whispered "I thought I'd never see you again". This made me laugh "coming from the girl who's been dead for three years?" she looked nervous when I said that. "By the way how on earth are you still alive?" she gave me a haunted look and casually said "I'd need to be a lot drunker to tell you that" As if to prove her point she then downed a shot of whiskey – not even shuddering when she drank it – obviously now an experienced drinker. "Wow what would the Mayor say if he could see his little girl now?" Gale sneered – he's always been tactless. "Well we'll never fucking know now" she'd sneered back – her rock hard veneer unbreakable. "What are you doing here Madge?" I'd asked worriedly. Now I wish I'd never found her she'd still be dead to me and I would have an attempt at being happy – no that's not fair, the only thing she'd done is fall for the wrong man but at the same time the right one. Back then she'd just stated "Surviving". Shocked at her bluntness Madge Undersee was definitely in the past. I'd wondered what had happened to her when really I had no idea.

Now she's wearing shorts and a blue tank top the exact same shade of blue as her eyes and is the youngest Flight Lieutenant in Panem and the only female one. With her own plane and medals of bravery and honour. I don't know how she did that in three years either. The old Madge started coming back slowly but surely – she found it hard to trust others which were understandable. Now at twenty two she's even more stunning than she was at nineteen. Most men I know – including every under 30 man in her squadron and neighbouring squadron are tripping over their feet for her – it's just a shame she's taken by an unattainable man. I caught Johanna's eye (who'd had a thing with Gale when I was with Peeta) and the pity in her eyes told me he'd never looked at Jo like he looked at Madge either – she just didn't agree to marry him.

They kissed once. I'd gone hunting and seen them in the woods screaming obscenities' at each over. I still remember his blazing eyes, her wildly mussed hair practically on end and their bodies so close to each over at first in an attempt at intimidation and moving into something else something he'd never felt with me. All I'd heard was enough to break my fragile heart. Hearing him scream at her "because I fucking love you and I can't" was unbearable; hearing Madge scream back "no don't say that because I feel to same way and I fucking can't" was torturous. When I saw them grab each over's faces and kiss with more passion and heat than we'll ever have – well I'd take those mutts over that. He had her pressed against a tree; she had her hands in his hair, his hands running all over her body, her wrapping her legs around his waist. Kissing like they were going to die any second, frantically furiously fiercely. I could feel the lust and want; they looked like they were made for each over yet complete opposites – olive skin pressed against cream, blonde hair against black a made for TV couple. Electricity crackled through the air and as abruptly as it started it stopped. "Goodbye Gale" Madge whispered and ran into the undergrowth leaving behind a very confused looking Gale watching her disappear.

Back to today I noticed Madge zone out. Sometimes she does that – she'll lose herself in past pain for a few moments before snapping back to reality. I remember that night a month after we found her. My hand had just brushed her hip as I put the grocery money on the table. She started shaking violently, feeling a cold of the worst kind, her pain running down her face, out of her mouth a chorus of agony. It took 10 minutes to calm her down when she told us. She told us about the guards in her room in the middle of the night – hand over her mouth so she couldn't protest; men with evil in their eyes putting money on the table as they dragged her into a room to sell her soul; the seemingly kind stranger who wanted payment for his generosity. Then it all came out – the sitting in her room of stone listening to the chorus of the soulless screaming; her blood splattered up the wall; the crack of a whip, her cellmate dying in her arms the body never to be collected, the calm when she died only for them to bring her back to hell. The fact she wished they never had. I didn't realise that I was shaking and crying before she hugged me and whispered calm words. Madge the strongest person I knew comforting me over her torture. Gale. I had never seen him so angry shaking, ranting, the look in his eyes of pure horror that anyone could do that to such an innocent girl. It still sickens to me the thought of a 50 year old man… touching a 17 year old Madge, a cruel peacekeeper watching her writhing in pain content on his face. Madge then told us of the times which well showed them up. Her and her cellmate dancing and laughing in the cell, the time when they forced her to sing for them and she choose an ancient song called 'Fuck You' by Lily Allen, the time she actually managed to convince a rich businessman that she was born male, her painting a mockingjay on the wall of her cell in her own blood, a peacekeeper asking if she was broken yet and her whistling Rue's song in his face – before spitting in it. When I glanced at Gale now admiration shone through his eyes that although they were doing unspeakable things to her she still rebelled and showed them up – to be honest I'm not surprised he loves this brilliant, beautiful, strong girl over the girl who gave up – curled up into a ball and waited to die whilst this blonde was fighting to live. Its times like this that I'm glad about what we did; when I see them take an innocent girl strip her of her family, her home, her dignity… This is why she's my best friend. We understand each over. Our pain might be different but it's strong, it's like acid creeping through our veins. Whenever one of us gets buried in pain the other is always there with a shovel – she's normally the one picking up the pieces to be honest and will always do so will a smile and her sense of humour to make me laugh.

After the awkward silence passes over the room I try to catch my fiancée's eye – his are trained on another's. Gale, the handsome Captain Hawthorne, the legendary mockingjay soldier that took two bullets trying to escape peacekeepers cold grasps. His forest green shirt making his grey eyes bright, his mouth twisted into a little smirk when he saw me staring at the stew, his shirt really showed off his muscles – which with disdain I noticed Madge notice to. We once both had fire – I'm not even simmering anymore – nothing left but ash. He needs to be challenged – a fight to win, a mountain to climb He's ignored the smooth mountain of dark stone which everyone thought was for him– to easy, wanting an interesting, snow-capped challenge. At this point Madge accidently knocked a bowl of cookies to the floor, the china now resembling my heart, Gale makes a sneering comment about her charmed childhood – she berates his old problem with alcohol and all hell breaks loose. "You know what they say once a spoilt brat always a spoilt brat" "Gale you're such a hypocrite – yeah I had a great fucking childhood but you're not exactly living in a slum sweetheart"- when she screamed sweetheart it felt like a hot knife slicing through my skin, her tone harsh enough to make it an insult but there's still the lingering promise of more. It was then I noticed their positioning – body's right up close to each over, eyes smouldering into each over telling their twisted story of want and pain. It was then Gale said an unforgivable thing "Like you're so perfect! You're more screwed up than any of us, you walk around with your shiny new badge and plane like your fucking flawless when really your just overly fucked in both meanings of the word". "Gale!" I heard everyone collectively gasp whilst judging Madge's reaction – to her credit she doesn't back down, her mask never slipping. "Shit Madge that was too far I'm so" "just forget it Gale, I really couldn't care less what you have to say (Turning to me) bye Kat (the fact that I let her call me that is truly a testament to how close we are) thanks for having me over, bye Jo, Gale" Then she turns on her heel and saunters to the door, leaving the situation in a way that only Madge Undersee can.

I see red. I don't care if he's letting out all the passion he can't talk to (believe it or not) my best fucking friend like that. Johanna looks like she's about to skin him alive – he's just lucky Haymitch isn't here, he is weirdly protective about her seeing as she's Maysillee's niece and is so much like her. "How could you Gale? I know you were fighting but throwing everything she's been through in her face? It's not like she enjoyed what those slime bags did to her! I don't care how fucking angry you are she's my best friend and you're going to tell me right now why!" – well that's what I want to say but my fires so gone I can't muster up the courage to scream and I'm ashamed to say I'm happy, she won't get over that easily – Madge is no pushover – I might actually have a shot at dragging him away from her and towards me his wife-to-be. That's why what happens tomorrow breaks my heart.

Rory came over. His grey eyes sparkle with mischief and he greets Gale with a cheeky "Sir" (Rory is now enlisted in the air force like Madge but he's nowhere near her rank). "Soldiers always greet their superiors' with a salute" Gale replies just as cheekily and laughs as Rory gives him the old one finger salute. Its later Gale's calloused hands crush me. They think I can't hear them from the kitchen but they forget about my hunters ears. "Gale what's up, you're different… more miserable" "Rory I can't its awful, I shouldn't feel like this but…" "You don't love Katniss do you? (he's met by silence) knew it, the way you look at her its changed" "Fine I don't love Katniss but I have to Rory, I can't leave her – not after everything I've done to her it's not fair and I" "Love someone else" "Will you finish all my fucking sentences? And yes I do, you'll never guess who, I really shouldn't love her I mean at times I detest her but at the same time I just want her to be ok, fucking hell I love M" "Madge Undersee yeah I know that to, sorry Gale but you're ridiculously easy to read" "shut the fuck up Rory" "If someone had told us five years ago that you'd be engaged to Katniss, but secretly not love her and be in love with the Mayor's daughter we'd have laughed in their face" "It's not bloody funny Rory… and she's more than just the Mayor's daughter she's…" "Yeah we know amazing incredible funny talented blah blah blah, but seriously Gale you're screwed" "You don't think I don't know that, right now I see Katniss as a friend but what if over time I grow to detest her for getting me to marry someone I just don't love?" After that I just can't take anymore.

I didn't mean to go there. I was upset and some unknown force was driving me towards the cardboard box concealed by coats. I sit on the bed where he whispers her name into the night and look inside. It contains everything I have left of Peeta: His pearl, the locket, a sketch he did and a photo. Its then I realise what I must do. I must do what he would have wanted, I owe it to him. I know what I must do.