Disclaimer: I wrote this three years ago, when i was 13. how sad!
warning: laughing may be a symptom of insanity
It was one of those dandy days, the sun shining, Hogwarts illuminated in a soft foggy cloud, which swirled hypnotically around the earthen toned towers. The very tower I'm talking about being the North side. Although what relevance this has to this particular story I don't know.
It was this day that Sir Harry Potter received a letter. A letter you ask? Yes, a letter, a piece of strewn brown paper with writing on it, strange squiggles and smiley faces. Harry leant closer over it, his nose pressing against the sheet. Hmmmm he wondered what is it?
Hermione, with a backpack strewn over one shoulder bustled into the room. "What is it Harry?" she asked with curiosity snatching the letter from his sweaty clasp.
"A letter" he replied solemnly, and she shook her head sadly.
Harry quirked an eye-brow (or at least he tried) (but failed miserably, looking like a crippled weasel) as he returned Hermione's sad gaze.
"What?" she spat as she noticed tears welling on Harry's gaze, but he shrugged and a warm smile blossomed on his cheeks. "That's a nice jumper Harry" she said after a moment's pause, as she looked at the emerald wool.
"It brings out my eyes" Harry retorted happily, withdrawing a mirror from his pocket and applying some foundation to cover one growing, red spot on his face.
"Well!" Hermione spat getting little reaction from Harry "are you going to meet them?"
"Who?" he replied listlessly, now completely engrossed with the filmy mirror.
"Them" she lowered her voice whispering it with an aura of fear, and instantly Harry threw away the mirror, bounding to his feet. "To infinity and beyond!" he yelled, launching himself from the windowsill.
"HAA-AA-AA-RY!" Hermione shrieked seeing his broom in the corner of the room and quickly throwing it out of the window after him.
There was a loud thump, a whooshing sound and insane laughter. Hermione, her heart caught in her throat peered over the window sill, preparing to see a tragic sight.
However, what met her eyes made her shriek in terror, and that is when dearest Ron entered our story.
As her eyes watched, unblinkingly she saw Harry, one arm in front of the other loping sideways through the bushes singing the superman theme song. A high-pitched voice sounded behind her and she turned accusingly to see Ron, robed in a large red, flowery dress, a large red ribbon stuck to his hair.
She opened her mouth to question him, but shut it instantly. "You're looking lovely Ronald" she whispered. "I never knew you made such an attractive girl".
Ronald curtsied for her, spinning it around doll fully; "I quiet like dresses you know" he beamed. Suddenly a clap of lightning sounded and the entire room darkened. Hermione glanced to Ron and saw a cold expression on his face.
Somewhere in the castle a suspenseful beat played, but they both ignored it, Hermione looking at Ron in fear.
"Wh-what is it?" Hermione quailed and the entire room went black.
"mother got our parcels mixed up again" Ron snapped "she sent me my sisters. George got mine, and won't give it back. He says 'R' suits him much better than an 'F'
Hermione looked dumbstruck, but the information seemed to roll bye and she again blinked and the room was normal again. "Ronald?" she demanded as he looked up slowly "Did you by any chance let Harry watch Disney Movies?"
Ronald shifted uncomfortably "no" then scratching his head he replied "yes".
"You blooming fool!" Hermione raged, launching herself from the window. She screamed sourly, but then remembering her wand, constructed a white prancing pony with blue wings and a unicorn horn, and landed swiftly on its back.
Ronald too jumped from the window, but seeing as the dress was so poofy he floated slowly down after her, hoisting up an umbrella (which he just happened to have found) shrilling "I'm Mary Poppins!".
There was a thump, and when Hermione looked back Ron was lying sprawled on the ground, his dress drawn up around his face, his bare pink-
"The Great American Crack! $5 a ticket! Staring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie" the ticket master yelled
"2 cheeks please!" a fat lady yelled at a counter with her screaming toddler before her smashing trains together yelling "bum bum bum!"
Hermione shook her head and continued floating on, higher and higher, until from above all she saw was Harry singing the superman theme song and now, dressed in a similar superman fashion.
Harry, now alone in the forest stopped as he tried to recall the letter, however happy laughing ensured ahead and he followed promisingly, jumping into the middle of the opening yelling "Superman to the rescue!".
The laughing stopped as several strange coloured creatures turned, small radars attached on their heads. As they wobbled around, Harry could see a screen on their bellies, and strange signs above their heads. As he looked up at the purple one, he gasped, a long white beard hung from its face. "Dumbledore, you never told me you were a teletubby!" he shrieked dumbfounded but Dumbledore only swayed on his feet giggling "Po, Lala! Dipsy". Harry shook his head, but coloured hands grabbed him and loud music broke out.
Macarena, Macarena the radio hummed, and dropping his initial resistance Harry joined in the dance, now completely kitted out in Superman essentials.
Ron bounded into the opening a few moments later "Harry" he gasped, but then shrugged, lifted the edge of his dress up and skipped merrily to join in.
Whatever happened to Hermione? You ask, well no-one cares about her. She and that goddamned unicorn can go away.
THE END
me and one of my random moods
