one time sockpile thomas was sitting on his nest of goodies for adventurers
"my job is important i keep there things safe here."
but one time clockpile thomas wanted more for himself. after the gragedy of his wife and daughter, only taking care of adventuring belongs was only half fulfulfiling.
"i want more" he said as he looked into the distance at aladdins castle. "today will be the day i harness my inner gift from God. but first i need some grass lol"
glockpile thomas went up the stairs to see patch 1.3 the hyena. "oh my stars my legs are tired from sitting for the hole game!" blacksmith boldwin called him a bitch because "why would you bother geting' up". after all.
"hi patch! i need some grass"
"OH YOU MEAN FOR A LAWN IN YOUR YARD"
even biorr laughed but ostava alliant didnt because he was depressed. soon he would do Ultimate Guilt Trip technique (learned from Yurina, the other emo of the Nexis) when a hero comes to go up the stairs after the dragon but then ostrich say s"my Hot topic gift card is out of balance. my life has no meaning anymore. fuck i hate my father :(" and then slits his wrist so the hero feels bad for not helping, see. and then he comes back as a black asshole for the bridge fight but hes super easy even on black phantom mode.
when ostrava was a child he had a reflection of his father in the chicken coop without his pants. ostrava told his friends at school but they (in a asshole fashion) said LOL YOUR DAD FUCKED A CHICKEN. LET US CALL YOU 'OSTRICH; birdfag. sence then he hadent had a day of happyness. it was such a tragedy.
because he couldnt be a real figher (e.g. you always have to save him four times right even though your only level 1), ostrich of boletante used blue eye stone to be summoned at renissauce fair where everyone complement him on his awesome armor (but flued armor isnt that good because it's heavy), but make him feel wanted. but deep in his heart he know
"i'm as gay as people at the renassauce faire :("
so with that he decided to touch the 1-4 archstone and get ready for a hero to guilt trip. thank god that he dies because hes pretty useless after all. actually i mean thank the old one because if you read talisman of beasts, old one and god are really the same creature.
"no said flockpile thomas "i need grass for healing! im going on an adventure finally because i heard the servers are sjutting down"
"oh yeah bummer bro. here's some grass" patches is stupid
'wear should i go' cockpile thomas wondered as he looked at five archstones. wait what's this he went to the broken one. 'i of heard of many giants of frozen wasteleansds over here, but this never worked.' he extended his arm and felt the intricate ruins of the rock "it such a shame."
when suddly, all the broken rocks resurrected to form a fixed archstone with a light. rockpile thomas heard a voice: "only your touch can refix this land. You Have A Heart Of Gold."
knockpile thomas stunned. "i... i have a heart of gold?" it was what he told all the aventurers, but it was touching to hear it about himself. he cried a single tear and then walekd into the archstone.
FUCK" the maiden said.
inside the archstone dockpile thomas looked aroun at the wasteland around him. a baren landscape looked everywhere, there was no sun and dark clouds in the sky but lightnign could be seeing in the distance. except directly in front of him stood a giant metal spire th elikes of which he would never seen before. evil red lights glared down at him from the building.
"i have no idea" but he wet into the door that slided open and confused him. then robots attacked him. he burned with a furty that he had never used )actually this was clever and dull rats rings he stole from a dead adventur's bank account) and fought he way up 99 floors of robots to the final boss without getting a scratch. then he walked in to the boss lair.
"Good evening, Lockpile Thomas" said the same ominous voice he heard earlier before he came in. there was a face on a tv talking but he was confused because he never saw a tv before (i dont think they had HBO in the nexus LOL!_
'what are you who?" asked our hero poor guy he was so confused
"You may know me as God, but I was created with the name 'Cybernet.'
what the fuck.
"Blockpile Thomas, you must fulfill your destiny."
"WHY ARE THE SERVERS SHUTTING DOWN"
god paused (i dont mean he paused the game i mean he had a dramatic silence for a second)
"Shockpile Thomas, all good things must end at some point. And I don't mean end as in 'lol okay i beat the game now we play new game plus and kill Fatsuki Weeabine again.' I am getting old, Hockpile Thomas. But you...you are young. You will succeed me. Come - cast off your foolish human notions of morality. Put your fist in this hole right here and become the hero you were born to be."
he did. after all he wanted to do something with his life after all. so he fisted the cyborg asshole up to his shoulder "ew lol that's squishy"
suddently his body shook and the room feilled with bright white light. the screen said "Formatting partition: Heart of Gold. Engage rebirth." the demon soul servers shut down forever and millions grieved for this loss.
*
*
when the light faded he was not *ockpile Thomas anymore.
he stood up and turned around while the camera zoomed in dramatically on his face with a red eye
"I am John Connor."
