Author's note:
This is very different from some of the things I've written so far. It's still a M&S romance story, but they're a little more playful than we get to see on the show, so it might be a bit OOC.
This is not a post "All Things" story, even though it could seem so at first. It's maybe some time between "Je souhaite" and "Requiem".

(..)

Do you get romantically involved with your partner at the FBI? No.

Do you follow your yearnings even though every part of your brain is telling you not to? No.

Do you give yourself totally and completely away to a person who can never do the same towards you? No.

Do you admit your love to a man who you know haven't been with anyone in God knows how long, and who you yourself have revealed as a man with quite the collection of 'videos which doesn't belong to him'? No.

Do you sneak out of bed after having had the most wonderful and stimulating sex ever with the man you love? No.

Did I, Dana Katherine Scully, do all of the above? Yes.

So now I lay awake in my bed at home. Alone. Ashamed. And most of all: Afraid. I count the hours till I have to see him again. I have done that before, but then it was because I was looking forward to it. Now it's because I dread it. I wish I hadn't told him that I was in love with him and have been for years. Mostly because of the amount of alcohol I had consumed. If I hadn't been drinking, however, I don't think I would have had the courage to admit my love to him.

And still, with all these emotions rushing over me in the early morning hours, I found it hard to completely regret it. I mean how could I? It was the most amazing sex I had ever had. It had brought the word 'intimacy' a whole new meaning. Who knew sex could be like this? Well, Mulder obviously. The man did things I hadn't dared think possible. Just the thought of him brought a blush on my otherwise pale cheeks. I wish for a second there weren't any x-files. If there weren't any x-files, then Mulder and I could be together as I would like us to be. But then if there weren't any x-files, there wasn't any Mulder. He wouldn't be the man I love. He would just be a plain and ordinary guy. And that wasn't the man I knew and had fallen in love with.

Love.

That word seemed to pop into my head all the time. But I knew it hadn't been about love for Mulder. It had been a purely physical need. I just happened to be the only woman he knew and therefore the one to receive his innuendos and flirtatious remarks. He couldn't love me. Not good old ice queen Scully, who believe everything able to be explained with science. For him that wouldn't do. He needed someone who understood him and his believes. Someone who would follow him into the darkness on wild goose chases after creatures they couldn't be sure even existed. For him I'm only a friend and not the love of his life, as he is mine.

I realize I'm not gonna get anymore sleep so I get up and drag myself into the kitchen. 'Coffee'. The first thought I think in the morning. Maybe the second after a silent 'Mulder'-thought, but to that I'll never admit.

I drink my coffee and I eat my breakfast. Something healthy I can't remember what was as soon as I have ate it, but the full feeling in my stomach tells me I have indeed eaten.

Now it's time for a shower. A long and hot shower as always. Maybe a cold shower is more needed? Reluctantly I wash Mulder off of me while a few tears run down my cheeks. Now I don't have any evidence to support that last night's events wasn't just a very, very, very good dream. Or at least so I think before I look at my reflection in the mirror. My collarbone and neck has a few love bites that say otherwise, and at this I smile. I gently touch them and recall his lips and tongue running over me the exact same place. It's getting harder and harder to regret what happened.

I, of course, know I'll never be able to be with Mulder the way I would like to. I'll never be his and he'll never be mine. But I will always have that night to remember, and for that I'm grateful. I got to feel what it felt like to be loved by Mulder. Really loved, not just the way he loves me as a friend. I still get to see him every day and be his best friend. For that too I'm grateful.

I cover the marks he has left on my skin, while I wonder if I have left him any. Then I put on my usual makeup and get dressed in a light grey skirt suit with a plain white t-shirt underneath. Then I get my ID, my gun, my keys and my jacket and I'm out the door. On my way to the J. Edgar Hoover Building. On my way to the office. On my way to Mulder.

I can feel my heartbeat increase as I get nearer the door. The door of which I know to find Mulder behind. Sitting in his chair. Maybe with a new case in hand. He has already forgotten about last night, of that I'm sure. For a man like him, I must have been pretty boring. And even though it was the best I had ever had, I'm sure it wasn't for him. I'm sure he'll be perfectly happy if we never as much as mentions last night.

But when I open the door nothing is as I imagined it. Mulder is standing against his desk. He's facing me and he looks somewhat disturbed. There's a look of regret mixed with hurt in his eyes. Trying not to look directly at him I hang my jacket on the coat hanger and closes the door behind me.

"Look at me, Scully?" Mulder asks me in a sad voice. "Please?" he adds.

I look at him and the regret is bringing tears to my eyes.

"Why?" I ask him while I cross my arms over my chest.

"I'm so sorry, Scully! I didn't mean to take advantage of you like that.." now he looked down while I looked at him in disbelief. I was totally thrown back by his words. Was he apologizing to me?

"You don't have to apologize, Mulder! You didn't… take advantage of me!" I told him, still standing close to the door.

"You don't have to defend me, Scully. What happened was… my fault", he told me. 'AS IF!' I thought. I had told him that I loved him. How the hell was that his fault?

"What do you mean, Mulder?" I asked in disbelief. "How could it ever be your fault?"

"You were drunk, Scully!" he stated and finally looked me in the eyes. "You didn't know what you were saying, and I couldn't resist you. I don't know if you remember anything at all, but you told me you… loved me… and then you… well, came on to me pretty hard. And I know I shouldn't have done it, but I played along. Truth is, I actually have had a… well, a crush on you, for some time now. And when I had an opportunity to feel what it felt like to be loved by you… I just couldn't help myself. I'm so sorry, Scully. I'll never take advantage of you like that again, I promise. Don't leave me, Scully! We can go back to normal, I promise you", he said with watering eyes as he had taken a few steps towards me while he had talked.

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Had Mulder actually said he had a 'crush' on me?

"I'm not leaving you, Mulder! And I do remember what I did. I don't think I was as drunk as you think I was. The alcohol only gave me the courage to tell you what have been on my mind for some time now. I meant what I said, Mulder!" I told him as I too took a few steps towards him, I could feel my cheeks blush.

"Then why did you leave, Scully?" he asked after a few moments of thinking about what I had said. "Why would you leave if you had any feelings for me?"

"Maybe because I didn't think you felt the same way towards me. I thought you just wanted a one-night-stand. That you wouldn't want me to be there, when you woke up", I told him honestly.

Now we stood really close to each other. I looked up into his eyes as he looked down into mine.

"Scully", he said now in a sweet voice and with a smile on his face while he lay his hands on my shoulders. "Last night was the best night of my life! I do love you."

"And I love you, Mulder. I just didn't think it possible for you to love someone as… skeptic as me" I told him and smiled back at him.

"How could I not, Scully? The real question is how could you ever fall in love with a guy like me? I'm a nutcase!" he said and grinned slightly.

"But that is why I love you, Mulder. Because you're you!" I said with love in my voice.

"Then I don't want to be anybody else", he stated and kissed me gentle on the lips.

It was a sweet and innocent kiss, but it had awakened something inside of me and I soon answered it with a more passionate one. Before I knew of it Mulder had me up against the door while I had my legs crossed on his back for support. Our tongues were wrestling in a fiery explosion of lust and love until Mulder had to break the kiss in need for air.

I ran my hands through his hair slowly while our foreheads were resting against each other.

"Can you feel what you do to me, Agent Scully?" he kidded as he moved against me so I was able to feel his erection, while he kissed my neck.

"Mmh", I moaned.

And then when our lips were about to meet again there was a knock on the door.

"Just a moment", Mulder called as he sat me down.

I made my way to the bathroom so I could reapply the makeup on my neck and on my lips while Mulder sat himself behind his desk in order to hide the thing in his pants.

"Come in", he then said.

"Good morning, Agent Mulder" I heard AD Skinner's voice in the other room. "Where is Agent Scully?" he asked.

"She just went to use the bathroom facilities", Mulder answered in an informative voice. "Is her services required elsewhere?" Mulder then asked which made me suppress a laugh. The emphasis on the word services wasn't lost on me.

"Actually both of your services are", Skinner answered in a strictly serious tone. "There have been some reports regarding unexplained animal attacks in Newton, Alabama. I want you and Agent Scully to take a look at the case and fly down there. Your plane leaves at 10.30 tomorrow morning."

This wasn't what I had had in mind. Tomorrow was Friday, and this meant we would have to spend our weekend in Alabama. Working. I decided to join them in the office as my makeup once again was perfect.

"Good morning, sir", I greeted Skinner. "What brings you down here?"

"I have a case for you and Mulder", he answered and handed me the case file which I opened and began to study.

Mulder walked up behind me and read it too over my shoulder. His erection was poking me on my lower back. 'Damn you, Mulder' I thought as I tried not to blush even further.

"Haven't there been any autopsies performed on either of the bodies?" Mulder asked, reading my mind.

"No there haven't. As soon as I heard about the attacks I told them to wait for Agent Scully to get there", Skinner told us.

"I expect you to work on this the rest of the day and report to me as your work progresses", he told us as he was about to leave again.

"Will do, sir", Mulder promised and with that Skinner left the office.

"What is wrong with you, Mulder?" I asked kidding in a whisper, afraid Skinner would hear us.

"What?" he asked trying to sound innocent.

"You were poking me with your… thing!" I exclaimed with a slight smile.

"Well, actually I was just trying to hide it from Skinner, Scully - I wasn't teasing you on purpose", he was smirking.

"Another time, try to keep your thing away from me when our boss is in the office, Mulder", I told him harsh, but I knew he saw the glint in my eyes.

"Don't you like my thing, Scully?" he asked, walking towards me making me back up against the filing cabinet.

"If you like your thing, I suggest you stop now, Mulder!" I then told him a little hard as I grabbed it.

This made him gasp and close his eyes. "Scully!" he said in a whisper.

"What is it, Mulder?" I asked not letting go on his thing.

"Let's make love", he begged still in a whisper.

"No", I simply said as I let him go and moved to the back of the office that were considered my space.

"Scully!" he exclaimed like a hurt kid whose mom hadn't bought him an ice cream as promised.

"We need to work, Mulder!" I told him, enjoying the power I had over him now.

"Oh!" he said as if he had forgotten where we were. "Right! But if we didn't have to work, you would make love to me, right?" he asked in a seductive tone as he stood right behind my chair.

"We have to work!" I told him even though I was smiling.

"But if we didn't?" he asked again slightly hopeful.

"Of course", I told him and looked smiling up at him.

Finally Mulder walked back to his desk and began to do some work on this new case. Soon he was getting into his zone. I stopped for a little while and watched him as he reread the case file sitting back in his chair and chewing on one of his thousands of yellow pencils. My own personal piece of eye candy.

(..)

Want me to continue? If so they'll be going to Alabama in the next chapter.