Authors Note: My first one-shot. All fun. Very short.
Size Matters: It's a guy thing.
"I can't believe he did that to you, Hermione! A month's worth of detention!" Ronald spat his food out everywhere. "The greasy git!"
I looked calmly over my dinner and noted mildly that Ronald had succeeded once again in sharing his saliva with anyone who chooses to eat from the dishes in the centre of the table. "It's really no problem. He's not nearly as foul to me-"
"Sure he isn't! He called you a mudblood once!" Harry brooded, stirring his tea angrily.
He broke the cup and ended up scalding his thighs with the tea. I laughed internally, shaking on the outside. Dinner continued on much this way, I occasionally looked up at the staff table, smiling broadly at every single teacher excluding Professor Snape (I even smiled at Professor Trelawney…).
Back in the common room, Ronald was still at it. "I'll bet his penis is roughly the length of a four inch begal. Perhaps less!"
I didn't look up over my copy of the Daily Prophet and responded. "Actually, his penis is roughly twice the size of yours. Perhaps more." I scanned the title of the page, waiting for disgust, rage and shock.
"And you know this how?" it was Harry who was first to recover, he had a sugar quill half way to his mouth and he seemed to be hiding a smirk by gaping.
"Oh for heavens sake, would you like a detailed account, Harry?" I snapped, throwing my newspaper at him. I chanced a look at Ronald while Harry was tangled in the paper- He was green.
"And on the subject of Professor Snape, I have a detention to get to…" I said loudly, striding out the common room with my bag slung over my shoulder.
