Disclaimer: I don't own it.
A/N: first time so be nice, but don't let a girl be silly without her knowing, if there are plot problems, grammar problems, confusion just let me know... I'm still learning :)
Remus sighed, it was that time again. His thoughts were irritating him quite excellently lately and it was showing, James had asked several times what his friend was struggling with; even Sirius had picked up on Remus's inward conflict. Being Remus he simply dismissed their questions with flimsy excuses about the up coming full moon.
'This is getting ridiculous, I should be able to tell them anything, they're my best friends for Merlin's sake!'
Despite the position his thoughts took he knew deep down that he would never willfully tell them this secret.
It was his secret that he had kept since before attending Hogwarts, it was his one secret that he hid from his friends when every other secret was freely shared, it was his secret.
And he secretly liked it that way. Unfortunately, he also knew that lately he had been obsessing over his long kept secret, it was beginning to take over his thoughts, his mind constantly wondered about it.
He constantly wondered about who it could possibly be. So far he had concluded that it was a girl (the letters were written in an elegant feminine script), he had concluded that she attended Hogwarts (sometimes the letters would reference the going's on in the school), he had concluded that she knew that he was a Werewolf but was trustworthy with that knowledge (the first letter stated that she knew and it had been close to seven years that he had been receiving the letters), and finally he had concluded that he desperately wanted to meet her.
His problem?
About half of the population at Hogwarts was female.
Sighing once more Remus lifted himself from the couch that he had been resting on and decided a walk would be in order. Maybe something along the way would distract his stubborn thoughts, if not then he only had six more hours to deal with it before his mind was given over to its more animalistic nature.
'Pft, given over. More like brutally ripped from humanity and thrust into a violent rage filled state of chaos.'
Being a werewolf was not fun.
XxXxXxXxXx
Lynne sighed, it was that time again. And to be frank she was conflicted over her feelings about the event.
On one hand she loved trying to help Remus with his 'furry little problem' as his friends so aptly put it. But on the other she was distressed because she was starting to feel things for him. More than she felt she had the right to.
She had never even spoken to him, as oddly as that sounded.
The night she turned eleven she had been in the forest up a tree for a variety of reasons when she heard a born chilling howl that would forever be with her. That was the night she first met Remus, that was the first night her life had truly ever been in danger, that was also the night that Lynne's outlook on the world would forever be altered.
She had been lucky that the tree was too tall and too thick for Remus to climb or knock over.
That's right, Werewolves cannot climb trees.
That little fact saved Lynne's life, the werewolf had paced around her tree the whole night, not once becoming distracted and wandering off. Occasionally he would start a bout of trying to scratch the trunk thin enough to be knocked over, and he got unnervingly close to succeeding many times throughout the night.
But that warm august night was Lynne's lucky night and a testament to fate that she survived. When morning came Lynne was greeted with the sight of a young naked boy lying passed out on the forest floor where the vicious werewolf had been angrily waiting.
That boy was none other than Remus Lupin at age eleven.
Ever since then Lynne had followed the lunar chart, made chocolate, and written some sort of letter to the poor boy.
She always signed her letters R.L. because her full name was Rayleigh Lynne Lurse. When she was eleven she still went by her given name of Rayleigh, but after certain events transpired she decided that while attending Hogwarts it would be best to go by her middle name.
As of recent Lynne felt herself becoming increasingly worried about Remus's mental status. He seemed to be bitter and depressed. Lynne could think of several reasons but she wasn't one to presume she knew what Remus was thinking.
From what she observed he was a very complex person.
Sighing once more Lynne lifted herself from her bed and went in search of the kitchens where the house elves let her make her special chocolate. Her first year she had to practically beg the house elves to the point of tears to let her make her own food.
Six years later the house elves now expected her and would chat amicably with her about random recipes.
Lynne smiled at the thought of them.
They were her little friends.
xXxXxXxX
Dear Remus
I'm afraid that I'm becoming a bit too attached to you for your own good. I find myself seeing you in classes and in the hallways and wanting to go up to you and just hug you and tell you that everything happens for a reason and that things will eventually get better for you.
Don't think I haven't noticed how melancholy you've been lately, and honestly you're beginning to worry me my dear. It is unfortunate that your friends have inadvertently deserted you for their current significant others, minus Peter, but he still never seems to be around for you. I hope you are not bitter towards them, you know that they are wonderful people, friends of the highest caliber.
But they are also adolescent teenage boys, not the most perceptive of creatures I'm afraid. I'm positive they aren't even aware that it is happening. I'd suggest talking to them about it, but I don't know them so I don't know if that is the best course of action.
My gorgeous, precious Remus, you have no idea how I wish life were kinder to you. I've never told you how important you have been in my life. I'm sure you could have gathered that from the previous letters, but it still feels as though I need to tell you in words.
Since I was eleven and this whole weird pen pal-chocolate delivery event began you have been the one person that has kept me sane during all the storms that life has waged against me. Since that night in August, I'm afraid, and slightly embarrassed, to say that you have been my only friend.
I wish that were an exaggeration, but it's the truth.
Acquaintances might as well be strangers here at Hogwarts. A 'hello' in passing hardly counts when it comes to friends. I've never had the wonderful friends that you do, the ones that would do anything to make you feel better, make you laugh, make you love life. Were it anyone else but you I would be envious of the friendships you have with Peter, James, and Sirius; however, since it is you I know that you deserve them more than I ever will.
I'm sorry that these letters have been becoming more and more personal, I'm sure you don't want to hear about my droll life. But as I said before, this is my only form of friendship. And be that as it may, I would never ask for anything more.
You matter to me Remus, I care deeply about you and your happiness, please keep that in mind.
You aren't alone in this world; you aren't alone in your problems.
Most of all, you are loved, probably not as much as you deserve, but it is there. Don't take it for granted.
PS: I read that putting cranberries in the chocolate makes them taste better and that they help with the healing process, I don't know if it's true.
If you like them then tomorrow at lunch (Wednesday) place your goblet upside down on the table, if you don't like them then place your goblet right side up next to you on the bench. If you do it within the first ten minutes of lunch I'll be there to see.
Enjoy and feel better
with much love, R.L.
Remus closed his eyes and lay his head down on his pillow in the infirmary. Last night had been a bit more brutal than normal and this letter, while highly looked forward too, was not helping with his frustration.
He wished she would just give him a hug in the hall. Remus hadn't had a hug in so long, and as silly as that sounds, he was craving a hug right about now.
Any normal person might have been creeped out by the fact that a strange girl was watching him; many might even consider it stalking him. But Remus wasn't normal and this relationship, if you will, had been going on for so long he would be extremely upset if he didn't receive a letter.
In one of her letters he remembers her saying that 'sometimes a person needs to know that they are supported and cared for by someone they don't know, it lets them know that they aren't alone in this world. We often feel like our friends and family only support us because they are our friends and family and feel obligated to. Strangers have no obligation, if there is support from them it's because they believe in what they're supporting.'
Remus had needed to hear that, Remus needed her.
They relationship was extremely bizarre, and he didn't quite understand how she could know he was a werewolf and yet tell him all of those wonderful, inspiring things. But she was consistent, she was always there. Twelve letters a year for twelve full moons, over six years and she hadn't missed one.
That slightly baffled Remus; he assumed that she lived near him when they were younger because the first letter was on a box of chocolates that had been set on his window seal before he ever set foot on Hogwarts. They were store bought chocolate at the time but they still tasted delicious. He remembered her first letter; in fact he thought that the words might forever be engrained in his brain
I don't know your name, but I know you're a werewolf. I don't think you're a monster though; you just look like another kid like me. I thought you should know that even though you scared me last night I still want to be your friend. I need one right now and I think you might too.
R.L.
Remus never told his parents about the letters or the chocolate, it was his secret, she was his friend.
And he liked it that way.
xXxXxXxX
On Wednesday at lunch Remus had the goblet upside down on the table. From her spot at the Hufflepuff table Lynne smiled, she had hoped that the cranberries would taste okay.
"Hey Mooney, were you aware that goblets are more functional when right side up?" teased a bemused Sirius.
Remus smiled at his friend "yes actually I am aware of that, I'm surprised that you are too though."
James laughed at little as Sirius pouted at the attack on his intelligence.
"So I hear that due to Professor Sprout's mother falling ill that there is going to be a substitute for a while?" asked Remus
"Yup, you missed her first day yesterday. She's not much of a looker but she seems nice enough" replied Sirius.
"I think she was saying something about partnering us up for a while with the Huffles in our class, I guess that most of us Gryff's in the class aren't doing as well as we should, I think she called it 'constructive peer something or another'" James said around a mouth full of food.
All four shared a collective groan. Hufflepuff's, while essentially harmless and kind creatures, were rather annoying and stupid at times.
"Well, I guess it's about time we get to Herbology." Said Remus, ever the punctual one.
xXxXxXxXx
"Hello again class, for those of you that were gone yesterday, my name is Mrs. Greene. I've decided that the easiest way to do this is to simply assign your partners alphabetically, nothing like fairness you know." She said smiling brightly at her forlorn looking class.
"Abbot, Alcott"
More names were read.
"Black, Bridges"
"Lupin, Lurse"
"Pelly, Pettigrew."
"Potter, Preston"
And the list continued.
xXxXxXxX
Lynne's breath caught when she heard her partner's name.
'This isn't good…I'm not prepared! '
Swallowing the fear that had suddenly risen in her she gathered her things and tried to calmly walk to where Remus was sitting.
"Hi" she said softly looking him shyly in the eye
"Hello" he said smiling back kindly.
Averting her eyes to the floor she swiftly dropped her belongings on said floor and sat in the chair, looking ahead as though she were highly uncomfortable with the situation.
xXxXxXxXxX
Remus had no reaction when his partners name was called; to be honest he didn't even know who this Lurse person was. The other houses didn't really associate with Hufflepuff's.
However, when she said 'hi' he was pleasantly surprised by his new partner. After a kind 'hello' from him she seemed to go into an awkward state and not look at him.
This gave him the time he wanted to study her. Remus was a great observer.
She had wavy chestnut brown hair that reached her shoulders, a nice pale complexion, a petite button nose, and her eyes…well, they were amazing.
They were this gorgeous hazel color, with grey and green flecks. He'd never seen eyes like hers. It wasn't just the color, it was the way she used them. When she was actually looking at him they seemed warm and welcoming, they made him feel a tingly on the inside.
Snapping out of his observation mode Remus realized that she had begun taking notes seeing as how the teacher had started giving a lecture.
Dismissing the thoughts of his new partner from his head he too began taking notes.
xXxXxXxXxXxX
"So, I noticed that your herb partner is quite the looker. Lucky you Mooney. Mines a guy and he seems dumber than a rock. I hate Huffs." Sirius said as the four of them sat on their respective beds in the seventh year dorm.
"You know, I never caught her name. I don't think she told me. She was really quite." Replied Remus.
"Don't worry Mooney; I'm sure once you turn on that Marauder charm she'll warm right up to you." Winked James.
Rolling his eyes, Remus chose not to respond.
The conversation soon turned to the next prank they were planning and the herbology partners were forgotten.
xXxXxXxXxX
Lynne was lying in bed still stressing over the new development in herbology class.
What was she going to do when he found out? She knew he'd find out, it was Remus Lupin, smartest kid in the school.
She was doomed.
And what happens when he realizes that his mysterious pen pal is nothing more than a silly little Hufflepuff? Will he still want her friendship?
Gryffidors weren't known to associate with Hufflepuffs.
Hufflepuffs were considered the weaker species around Hogwarts, more like pets than people in many cases.
Why on earth would Remus Lupin, famed marauder, even consider her friendship?
What possible purpose would a Werewolf have being friends with a Hufflepuff?
Lynne knew she was thinking irrationally. She simply couldn't bear the thought of losing her pen pal. She couldn't bear the thought of losing her Remus.
Like most people Lynne was freaking out over the prospect of life changing drastically, she didn't want her secret discovered, secrets weren't supposed to be discovered, ever.
'Well, not this secret anyway.' She thought dismally.
"Not much I can do now…" she said before deciding that sleep was in order.
"Any change, even a change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts."
Arnold Bennett
A/N: Sound interesting at all? Need more editing? If you read please feedback I'm still learning how to do this whole writing thing.
