A/N: Just some mindless bit of crazy that came to me while Secret Love was on hold. Honestly, Luffy probably knows about the birds and the bees - he grew up in a pirate port of call, after all. But this way is much more entertaining. BTW - if anyone knows which html command you use to stick lines in these documents, let me know, will ya? I'd be eternally grateful.

Disclaimer: One Piece is Oda's. But the pick-up line about being a Love Pirate? That's all me, baby.

- - -

"Sanji," Luffy asked, wondering. "Why do you do that?" Sanji picked himself up off the ground, watching the girl he'd been propositioning fade into the distance. He touched the red handmark that adorned his face gingerly; usually they just declined, but that one was fiesty. "What?"

Luffy waved vaguely. "Whatever you do that makes girls hit you. It doesn't seem very fun."

Sanji looked at his captain uncomprehendingly. "What... asking them on dates?" Luffy shrugged agreeably. "Sure, that." Sanji tried to think of how to describe skirtchasing to his captain.

He came up blank.

"Well... uh. You know," he cajoled. Luffy looked back at him, obviously having no idea. Sanji sighed. "You have no idea, do you." It was not a question.

The cook clapped his hands. "All right then, Luffy. Someone has obviously been remiss in teaching you what you need to know." Sanji threw an arm around Luffy's shoulders. "Don't you worry, Luffy. I'll take you under my wing, teach you what you need to know."

"Now, first, is the art of the pick-up line..."

- - -

Sanji scanned the crowd for a good choice for his pupil's trial run. The Straw Hat captain hadn't understood most of the words Sanji used in his own unique form of come-ons, so Sanji had decided to stick to the tried-and-true methods. He spotted a likely mark.

"All right Luffy, see that girl there, in the sundress? Just like we practiced, okay? She doesn't look like she has much upper body strength, she probably won't hit too hard."

Luffy nodded obediently, and sidled up to the girl in question. He cleared his throat. When she looked up, he attempted a Sanji-esque smile. As you can imagine, the attempt rather spooked his target. "Excuse me, angel. Are you wearing moon pants?"

She shot him a look that questioned his sanity. Luffy soldiered on. "Cuz... uh... wait." He whipped out a sheet of paper and checked it. "Oh, right. 'Cuz that ass is outta this world!" He gave her the 'double-guns'. She patted him on the head like a dog and moved on.

Luffy looked back at Sanji for direction. The cook motioned for him to keep going.

He hurried towards the girl in the sundress. "Wait, wait, I can do better!" She gave him a polite look. Luffy strained to remember one of the lines Sanji had drilled him on. "That dress looks really nice on you... but it would look even better in a pile beside my bed!"

He even did the little shimmy Sanji had suggested was appropriate.

The girl had the oddest expression Luffy had ever seen. he looked back to his mentor for support and guidance. Sanji gave him a thumbs up.

The girl looked from one to the other and back again. "Oh, I see what this is." She looked at Sanji severely. "It isn't nice to make fun of the mentally handicapped like that, mister." She flounced off.

Sanji sweatdropped. "Ignore her, Luffy. ... Keep going."

- - -

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

"Baby, somebody better call God, 'cos he's missing an angel!"

"Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea."

"Well, here I am. What are your other two wishes?"

"I'm a love pirate and I'm here for your booty! Arr!"

- - -

Sanji threw up his hands in despair. "Okay, this isn't working. But I refuse to give up when my captain is so desperately in need of help! C'mon." The cook took off towards the harbor.

Luffy followed. "Where are we going, Sanji?"

"We need to find Zoro."

- - -

A/N: So, we're looking at a chapter for every Mugiwara crew member... maybe one for the Marines, too. And remember, flames are fine - as long as you aren't bothered by me crying myself to sleep at night. I am sucha delicate flower, you see.