Leah.
Lee-ah.
Lee-Lee.
Leah the Lonely.
Leah the Strange.
Leah the Loser-in-love.
Why did it always happen to me?
Why?
Why?
Why?
I thought loving and losing Sam was tough.
I didn't even love and lose Jacob.
Sure I loved him.
But I never lost him.
He was never mine.
Okay, so sometimes he was. But he was only on loan for a night, or a morning, or a rough, pushed up against a tree style quicky. No love there, only lust…love's horny cousin.
I didn't know when I began to blur the line between the two. But one day, when he imprinted on that half - breed bloodsucking hyper growing leech and we had to stop the thing we had, no matter how undefined it had been, that I realised that it was love.
And he was never truly mine.
No matter how upset I got about him, no matter how much I felt like crying, no matter how much I willed myself to hate him or not care about him. It didn't work. I sensed what we had been much stronger than I thought.
I was holding on, but he had already let go in order to hold on tighter to Nessie.
So I turn over in my bed, thinking of the times when I wasn't alone in here. When he was with me, heat against heat, skin on skin, growls, moans, whispers and screams. I could already feel myself getting hot so I took the sheets off of my body, trying to pretend that he was there.
I slipped my hands into my panties, closing my hands and imagining my hands were his. Large and powerful. My toes curled into the sheet that had been tossed onto the bottom of my bed, my back arching.
I plunged one finger into my warm and wet depth, followed by another while my thumb played with my clit. All the while imagining it was him.
I bit back a moan, trying not to be so loud. No one was home but they could be back at any moment. After all, it was only early evening.
Eventually I lost myself. Not caring if anyone would hear if they came home. My breathing was coming out in short pants, my lungs having the air forced out quicker than it can get in.
I thought of Jacob, a past memory of the fun we used to have, as I slid my fingers in and out of myself.
"Oh…Jake." I gasped. It felt so good to say his name again. "Jake. Jake. Jake."
"Someone miss me?" I heard from the doorway. My half lidded eyes shot fully open and I blinked, wondering if this was a dream, whether he was a reflection of my fantasy or was he just reality.
"That depends." I said, my voice breaking with the combination of pleasure and anticipation. "Are you going to do anything about it?"
He needed no more words to be spoken. He came and stood over me, just watching for a while as I wriggled and squirmed and begged him to take over, to do something, to push me over the edge.
He kneeled beside my bed between my legs, slipping my camisole down to reveal my naked chest and took my left nipple into his mouth, kneading my other breast with his hand. I stopped fingering myself in order to run my nails up and down his back.
He kissed me hungrily, like a man receiving his first meal. Wild, unbridled passion seared through my body as I whispered for him to take me now. I needed him desperately.
Within a moment he was on top of my, his lips on their way down my body, leaving a trail of hot kisses along my jaw, my neck, my chest. Once he got to my navel I sat up abrubtly, my back resting against the headboard as he looked me square in the eye. He went lower, and lower, pulling at my panties with his teeth and discarding them to the side of my bed.
His tongue went where my hand had been and I felt white hot heat sear through my entire being. My hands tangled in his hair as his tongue hit all the right spots. My vision was getting blurry, my eyes clouded over with passion. I was literally on the edge.
"Please, Jake." I moaned, unsure if he could hear me from in between my thighs. His eyes never looked away from mine and I threw my head back, finally aware enough to be taken aback by the intensity of his gaze.
He stopped his tongue's assault on my clit to enquire as to exactly what I was begging him for.
Begging? Me? Leah doesn't beg. Not for anyone, even someone as perfect as Jacob.
I dragged him roughly by his hair, capturing his lips with mine, refusing to close my eyes, scared that it will all be a dream. I pushed him down and straddled his waist and unbuttoned his jeans pulling down his boxer shorts with them. His member sprang immediately to attention. No matter how many times I had seen it, be it when he phased or in situations similar to this one, I never managed to get over the fact that it was huge.
I positioned my entrance directly above him and teased him slightly before suddenly taking his entire length into me. He said something that sounded like an expletive followed by my name. I allowed him to thrust into me forcefully, so much that I winced in pain.
"Sorry." He said, stopping for a moment.
"Stop being so nice to me." I said. "Just fuck me." I paused for good measure, nibbling on his earlobe. "Hard."
That was all he needed. He flipped me over so I was on all fours and ploughed in and out of me with so much force that my head was repeatedly smacked against the headboard. I knew it was going to hurt in the morning but at the moment I didn't care.
I could feel all the tension in my body building up. My hands clutched desperately at the sheets as I felt his hands roughly pulling me into his hips. My body began to shiver slightly and I let out a half cry half howl as I came, Jacob following two seconds after.
We lay silently together for a few moments, his arms around my waist as mind filled with doubts I decided to express.
"You imprinted." I said simply.
"I know." He replied, pulling me into him. I curled into him, my head on his chest.
"You love Nessie." I said, clarifying.
"I know." He said, my heart skipped a beat and my stomach fell. I knew it, but to have it confirmed still hurt.
"You shouldn't be with me." I said, shaking.
"I know." He said. It felt different from when Sam told me about Emily. My heart wasn't breaking this time; it was being torn apart slowly.
"But I am." He continued "Even though Nessie and I are soul mates and I'm forced to love her, I still love you because I chose to. No matter how harsh and mean you pretend to be, and no matter how much you try to deny it you love me too."
"I know." I said while planting a soft kiss on his chest, drifting to sleep, certain that when I wake up he'll be there. Because he loves me.
Leah the Loser-in-love.
Leah the Strange.
Leah the Lonely.
Lee-Lee.
Lee-ah.
Leah.
