N/A: just to let you know, this is a Bella/Edward fic, and for those Jacob lover's out there, it involves Jacob raping Bella, so I suggest Jacob lovers avoid it!

Note: I do not, and never shall, own the story or characters created by the genius that it Stephenie Meyer…sigh

Chapter 1: Going Home

He stared at me, his mouth open. The tall, sunny boy I had known had changed some over the years, but his wide, open eyes and full lips were the same as ever. I sighed. This wouldn't be easy.

"Bella?" He took a tentative step towards me, dazzled by my new appearance. His voice sounded frightened, like he was pleading me not to be who I claimed to be.

I took a deep breath.

"It's me Jake. Hi."

He glared at me, and I suddenly felt sad. Sadder than I'd felt in the 20 years of my new life.

Ever since our marriage, Edward and I had been inseparable. In accordance with my demands, after our marriage, Edward and I moved up north, whilst I dealt with my…developments. I'll admit, the pain during those first few days was practically unbearable- in fact, the only thing that made it tolerable was the knowledge that soon I'd be closer to Edward than I could have ever been as a human. The hardest part was saying goodbye to Charlie.

He had never quite excepted Edward, never quite understood my love for him, or how I could pine for him for days, when the thirst became too much, and his natural instincts took over. He could never understand. Even if I were to explain it, chances were I'd end up in a cushioned cell for the rest of my life.

To begin with, my thirst was insatiable, and it was all Edward and Emmet could do to control me- I was young, and strong, and I was out of control. I remember wanting to die- nothing else could stop this feeling. And then there was the horror. Horror at what I was letting myself become. Of course, Edward blamed himself, and I suppose that's what gave me the will-power. I was so ashamed of myself, and I remember the days, the weeks, and the months of self-restraint that followed. There was no doubt that those were the hardest times of my life. Well, except for when Edward….but I don't want to think about that.

We stared at each other for a long time. His mind was clearly trying to process the information he had just acquired- I didn't need Edward's ability to tell me that. I sighed. I sighed because you're allowed to sigh once an again when you're going to live (or exist) for the rest of eternity. Unless a werewolf kills you first. This, by the look in Jacob's eye, didn't seem so far-fetched.

"Say something," I urged him silently, wishing with all my heart I had some ability that would allow me to know what he was thinking.

"You stink." He said it so quietly I had to pause for a minute to listen to it again in my mind. And then it wouldn't stop repeating. I stink. Of course I do. I stink like the vampire I am, to the werewolf he is. And that hurt me, knowing I repulsed him. I could look stunningly beautiful, I could have the most wonderful voice, and I could even be almost exactly the same as the old Bella, but I would never be good enough for Jacob Black. Not now. Not ever. I was just another one of 'them' now. A 'cold one'. A traitor.

I tried a laugh, but all I received was a glare.

"Well, you called me up here. What do you want?" How could he look at me like that? So cold, so distant. It made me shiver involuntarily.

"I…I just wanted to see you. You haven't changed much." I tried a friendly smile.

"You have." There was that same, hard glint to his eye. But did I see something, anything, flicker briefly over his face, before the cold mask of indifference slipped back on?

"Yeah, well needs must as they say!" I trilled brightly. My chirpiness was having no effect on him. This once happy-go-lucky boy, the Jacob who had been my best friend, was lost to Jacob's new responsibilities. At least, I assumed that was the reason. As the new leader of the 'pack', Jake had taken his new responsibilities very seriously, down to making me meet him at the exact border of our territories.

When I had come back down to Forks with Edward, it had been in hopes of reconciliation. But Jacob, being as stubborn and pig-headed as always, refused to accept the new me.

"Come on Jake! Can't we please just be friends again? You have no idea how much I've missed you." Well, it wasn't a complete lie.

"I'm not sure Bella. The rest of the 'pack' kind of looks up to me now. I can't just start being best friends with a vampire, can I? I have to uphold some standards." He looked a little sad, and I could see his feelings beginning to creep in from behind the iron mask.

"So that's it? I'm just 'the vampire' now?" The sudden realisation dawned on me. "I'll never be Bella again, will I? I'll always be 'another one of them'"

The guilt in his eyes affirmed my assumption.

"You've got to understand Bells! My new responsibilities are more than I can handle now. And you know I go crazy if I'm around a vampire for too long. It just wouldn't work." He said the last part softly, as if trying to break some awful news to me. The mask had completely slipped away now, to be replaced with Jacob's large, pleading eyes. I softened a little.

"I know, I jut wanted us to be friends again. You know, how we used to be." As soon as I'd said the words, I knew it was a mistake. 'How we used to be', as far as Jacob was concerned, was more than 'just friends', exactly the opposite of what I wanted.

His eyes lit up, and his smile nearly cracked his face in half.

"I'd love us to be like we used to be! I haven't stopped thinking about you either, Bells." Damn it! Why did this boy never take a hint? I would tell him right now exactly where we were on the friendship scale.

"Yeah….that sounds great Jake." I'm such a woos…

Just then I heard a voice I had been longing to hear throughout the awkward conversation- the voice of my own personal angel.

"Are you ready yet Bella?" Edward's sweet breath cooled my skin where it touched. Even after these past twenty years with him, I could never seem to get over him.

"Yeah…yeah. We're just about done here, right Jake?" But he wasn't looking at me.

"Yeah, sure. You take care of yourself, you hear?" But I could tell this instruction wasn't directed at me.

Edward nodded serenely.

"She'll always be safe." He replied, putting a protective arm about my waist. His voice was so steady, so earnest, even I believed him, and I was constantly having accidents.

Jake snorted, and glared reproachfully at Edward, as if to say "like it's your fault she's safe." But looked back at me.

"I mean it Bells- be careful."

And with that, he turned. I only caught a brief glimpse of his retreating back, before I turned to leave.

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