Caitlin

It's getting late. I knew I should have gone back hours ago, I knew it. I couldn't, though- stupidly, I listened to Sammy, as I knew I would, as I ALWAYS do. Someone could have gotten hurt at home, or killed, or broken something. And it will all be her fault, because she saw it first.

So now I'm stuck, trapped inside my own head, running around the entire forest looking for something that isn't there. You need a break, Caitlin. At least that's what I've been telling myself. Maybe if I started listening.... I sighed. When was the last time I listened to myself?

That got me shaking. Of course. It's been, what, eighty years? A century? And Brian still has me affected. Better to have loved and lost then never to have loved at all… what a sick joke. I always knew moving on was best for my people, but I guess that's me- too damn selfish. Sadness doesn't suit me, and yet it's still there when he crosses my mind.

About one hundred yards off, I spotted a deer- but so obviously not. Of course it was Ricky, with the odd golden fur. I wondered, though, why he had chosen a deer- so vulnerable, so weak. So amazingly not like him. I slowed to a silent jog- ambush a friend. How perfect, a distraction.

Suddenly, a white, unrecognizable blur shot out of nowhere- and into Ricky. For half a second, I was just standing there, wondering what the hell happened. And then I ran, all my instincts taking over. Save your people. Protect your people. Don't worry about self preservation; you know you can't die anyway.

I shot into the clearing; into it fast a bullet, yet silent as the night- the stupid creature didn't see me coming. He was hard as rock and white as a ghost; cold like ice. It had better not be…

With a snarl that would have sent anybody else cringing, he- it looked distinctively male- sprang immediately to his feet to attack. Despite the danger Ricky was in, I couldn't help but notice how my attack didn't seem to affect him; how graceful he was. Oh, how I wish that could be me- unaffected.

After two seconds of this insane battle, I realized he had no intention of giving up- just as I had no intention of killing him. With a small, unnoticed sigh, I realized I would have to imprison him- and since he didn't appear to have any physical weakness, I was going to have to use mental pain to immobilize him. I concentrated for an incredibly brief period of time- and he was on the ground, withering. The sight nearly broke my heart, yet I was able to appreciate his taking it in silence. Because damn. That hurt.

To spare him agony- and because he kept trying to get back up- I quickly grew a silver cage out of the soil. Realizing that he had to be strong as nails, I reinforced the cage with a permanent force field. Hopefully he wasn't so bizarre as to not be affected by that.

As soon as I was done with my little jail, I let up on the torture. Even thought he was my enemy at the moment, I could never get used to the pain they felt. I hated it more than anything; anything in the world.

I shot the creature a quick, filthy glance- he had attacked one of my people- and realized he was looking at me. All I could think to say was, "I'll be back"- and that has to be the stupidest, most idiotic, most Arnold Schwarzenegger thing to say in the history of anybody's lifetime. But I was mesmerized, for a moment- his eyes were the most compelling color- in between liquid gold and midnight.

Then I shook my head. I'm an idiot- save Ricky. Get him to the house. I sped over to him and looked his now human body over, examining quickly over his swearing. Shit. He had gotten bit- that was going to swell, and fill with disgusting pus, and then be sore for the next week. At least that confirmed my suspicions- vampire. I hoped he was happy.

So as I was helping poor Ricky back to the house, I allowed myself to think about Sam's disturbing predictions, all centered on going to the concert with Kasey. Go on your trip- three people will die, many more injured, destruction galore, ect. Stay home- one person injured… and joy. Fall in love.

I shook my head. Not. I had been down that road, and even almost a century later, I was still crying over him. Almost two centuries later, and I still felt the ghostly pain in my right leg; still felt the fire licking my right arm.

I almost smiled. Two centuries.

And I would do it again.

Johnson

I wish I had taken up Edward's offer. But he and Emmett and Jasper were too kind to me- offering to hunt with their newest, gloomy brother. It was almost sad how they pitied me. It would have been a bore with them (they were so much better hunters than me), and God knows I wouldn't have been able to think with Edward around. But neither would he; I think he was still upset about that- "stealing their talents," as he put it. Right, so he could read minds and my gift could go to waste.

`I sighed. I sort of hated this new life- no humans. It wasn't that abstinence I hated, it was the thirst; no matter how many big game you ate, it was always the humans you wanted. They would always be top priority, top dollar, always on your mind in a painful way. You always wanted to eat the humans, even if you loved them. I wanted to be safe. Wanted badly what Carlisle had, an intense self control that allowed him to do what he loved. I didn't want to be a monster, but despite my good intentions, it was hard to undo what was done.

I moodily slaughtered a grizzly bear. It wasn't fair- maybe I was being a crybaby, but Jasper could adapt to their ways, in less time then I could. Even after fifteen years, humans were indescribably compelling- animals didn't compare.

Angry now, I tracked a mountain lion. Bella! Even Bella could resist the thirst- on her first day. She caught the scent of a human, on her first hunting trip- and stopped. Resisted. Didn't go crazy with thirst and kill them both, as I would have done, and still would have.

I sighed. It was useless to think about, and wasn't that why I was here, hunting? Trying to make myself think that I could do it, even though I knew if I caught scent of a human, it would be their death on my shoulders? I snorted. As if that would have been the first time.

I heard a rustling sound in the meadow, to my left. Only a deer, nothing exciting. Boring as usual. But then a gust of wind blew its scent my way, and I noticed something odd- this deer was golden in a way that wasn't common at all. And its scent was strange- animal but not quite through and through. I decided to hunt it, maybe a little bit of alien sport would liven me up. I jogged in from the right and sprang toward it, bit it- and its blood tasted strange; not metallic, exactly, pleasant…

I was on my back somehow. But for a millionth of a second, I was shocked- I smelled something more compelling than I ever had in my life. I jumped up to attack; that was all I wanted, its blood, her blood; it sang to me almost violently. I was crazy with thirst; I knew it was going to happen. I almost sighed- Carlisle and Esme would be so disappointed. But I needed it. I simply could not live if I didn't hunt it.

I attacked- somehow this human that wasn't human; this ungodly goddess had me on the ground. It was all so fast. I was in agony. But I knew, somehow, that she was still what I wanted. I needed to kill her, so I endured it quietly and tried to keep fighting.

I ended up in a cage- like it grew out of the ground. Silly human god, don't you know I can break it? Then I felt something stronger lock me in- some kind of a force field. Damn it. Now I couldn't get up if I tried, this cage was now truly a cage. From the depths of my being, I found self control enough to make myself sit still to look at her- and she was looking back. She had the face of an angel- a very angry, furious, hate filled angel. She snarled, "I'll be back." And I was instantly reminded of that idiotic movie with that stupid Austrian. Just another example of American entertainment.

I smiled grimly to myself. Maybe I could do it- locked in a cage, a reinforced cage that could not be broken. I glanced over at my captor, now examining a human. The deer was not in sight, and it seemed that the human was the deer I attacked- if his cussing was any clue he had been bitten. So these were not humans, and they were obviously not vampires. Not wolf men either. Interesting. And it was almost motherly, the way she protectively helped him through the forest. I was instantly reminded of Esme.

Esme. My throat tightened. She would be so scared when Alice told her. Was that what Alice meant, when she said she couldn't see my future? Because I was going to die? I didn't think the human goddess would kill me- she cared too much. And Alice also said she saw me coming home from my trip a little late, but happy and hopeful.

I shook my head. Who knew anymore? If I was coming home, but Alice could not see my future on my hunting trip- then my life was going to be tangled with one of these strange creatures. Alice could not see them. They weren't familiar.

And if I was going to be happy? Hopeful? I chuckled. Wait and see, that's all I could do anymore.