Hold Me Now

The office was quiet, too quiet.

Sure, there was the tapping of the keys, the hum of the computer, the heater clicking on and off as time went on, but it was still too quiet. Those were sounds she attributed to work, and work attributed to Jake.

What he would say, what he couldn't, and what he outright refused to.

Nipping at her bottom lip, fury still gripped at her. Her mind ran a thousand miles every second, trying to pick up the threads of her reality as they unraveled around her. Marriage was a difficult thing, it always had been, and she had no illusions to that fact.

But, knowing what she knew now, it hurt.

It was like a ball of ice had lodged itself into her throat, but her eyes burned something fierce. She took another breath, fighting down another sob.

She wouldn't cry, she couldn't.

Even though she told herself that over, and over, and over again, the woman standing in front of her would let up. That white lab coat was infuriating, those dark rimmed eyes full of sorrow even more so. The woman worked her lips nervously, trying to find the words that would best fit this situation.

"I'm fine, Abby," Ellie sighed, as she went back to furiously typing on her computer.

"No," Abby shook her head. "You are not fine, you're the furthest thing from fine… And that..." her fingers toying around in her deep pockets, clenching into fists and then relaxing, only to clench back up again. "That's not fine."

"I really, really don't want to talk about this," Ellie said then, delicately pushing some of her blonde hair behind her ear.

"You don't have to then," Abby said as she inched closer, fighting with herself. She wanted to just fling herself across the desk and cling onto her coworker. If time would permit, they'd go on a tirade, man bashing until dawn. If only it would help the woman feel better. Failing that, the last thing Abby would do was leave Elle alone.

It just wasn't right, and, it wasn't normal. Loneliness was a terrible thing to feel, and Abby would have none of it.

Her gut instinct won out and she came around the desk, pushing the chair, and thus Ellie, away from the desk. "You don't have to talk," Abby repeated quietly, "But don't just sit there like that, and pretend that this doesn't hurt. I can take that from the guys, and I expected that from Ziva, and even Kate… Not you."

It hurt, more than she wanted to admit.

"When I was afraid that Jake had been killed, the first thought in my mind... It was that I would never be able to hold him in my arms again. I was afraid that I wouldn't be able to kiss him, or hear his laugh, or eat lunch with him," Ellie sighed deeply. "There were so many things... And now... Now my mind is back in that bad place again."

Abby frowned, her nails tapping away at the desk she leaned on. Before long, she came to a conclusion, nearly launching herself forward and clinging onto Ellie, kissing her on the forehead and pulling the blonde close. "You're going back home, right? At least let me help you pack, I don't want you to be alone… Not until you have to be."