"...And that's why you never, ever let a girl see you cry, alright? I'm serious, Craig. I mean it, you're gonna get fucked up-"
"Yeah, yeah, I got it. You've only told me this for about the fifth time since last week, but now you're stuffing your mouth with Joey's chips while doing it, too. You have any idea how much trouble you're gonna get me in? Hey, what's up with your eyes? Are you drunk?"
No, Craig. I'm not drunk. Just sick of having everyone at school stare at me like I took a shit on their front lawn, my ex included. I mean, it felt good, but then seeing the girl I love cry because of me (even though it was really Ash's fault) kinda killed my vibe. In fact, it really killed my vibe for the next few months, including this October. Also, I'm only a little buzzed. Come on.
"Geez, Sean, it really was that bad, huh?"
I snap out of it when I hear Craig's voice, softer than earlier. I turn to him and he's looking at me with that damn smile again. It's not like he's mocking me or anything; he knows I'd kick his ass if ever he tried to make fun of my heartbreak. He looks more amused, his eyes finally brighter than the way they were when I first got to know him. I can't help but smile, too.
"Guess so. Sorry for still annoying you with that," I tell him while chewing a bunch of spicy Doritos. Classy.
"It's okay. Everyone's got the right to vent, right? You can't bury your feelings forever, tough guy. Besides, I'd rather hear you whine than see you pout."
How the hell is this guy so optimistic while his mom's dead and his dad's trying hard not to come down here and beat him where he stands just for breathing? I don't know if this is part of his pretty boy act or not, but it's starting to get on my nerves.
"Aaaand you're pouting again. Great. Look, how about you put all that mushy crap to the side so I can kick your ass in Critical Depth?"
Now that's the Craig I wanna see more of.
So, I won about four times. That was cool.
"Look, my controller's probably full of gunk from all that junk food I keep eating when I play games. It wouldn't respond to my controls," he complained.
"Yeah, Craig, it's the controller's fault. It's probably full of gunk. You know, because you're such an amazing player that you don't even know how to move your submarine around properly."
"Hey, shut up!"
Craig's laugh made my stomach lurch. Is it normal for guys to think that their guy friends have cute laughs? Probably not. I don't mind that, but even though I don't wanna admit it, it's not the buzz that's making me think of him like this, let alone willing to stay with him like this for more than three hours.
Craig's face suddenly turns serious; he's looking away from me, instead staring at the floor.
"Can I ask you something?"
I hope he's not stressed about something personal... I can't let him know that I'm worried, though. Tough guy, remember?
"Sure, what's up?"
"Um... What was it like kissing Ash?"
"Wait, that's it?"
Fuck, I didn't mean to say that out loud.
"Just answer me, Sean," he mumbles. I don't know how someone can mumble menacingly, but he just pulled that off.
"Well, I don't know. That's not really something you can put into words, Craig."
"What makes one kiss feel better than the other?"
Wait, this guy's seriously never been kissed before? I'm tempted to call bullshit, but he really does look nervous talking about this kind of thing. What girl would ever pass up the opportunity to make out with a stud like him?
"I... I guess it all depends on who you're with."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
Craig's stare moves from the floor to me so fast that I almost piss myself. There was always something about his eyes that made me feel on edge. They're usually bright and inviting, but when they get darker, more intense, it's like I'm stuck between fear and arousal. That feeling I get's no different than what I'm feeling now.
We've been staring at each other for a while now, not saying a single word to one another. I gulp; I can't believe I'm about to say this...
"Are you still into girls, Craig?"
"I never said I was, Sean."
Holy shit, Craig Manning's a homo.
"...What do you think about me?"
"I like you."
And just like that, without skipping a beat, I move closer to Craig and kiss him on the lips. He faints as soon as I pull away. I don't know what I expected. Hell, I don't even know what I just did.
I laid Craig onto his bed a few minutes ago. He's still out of it. Don't ask me why, but that's when I decide to sit down next to him; I want to take a closer look at my best friend.
I could say that he has hair like the sheep on my uncle's farm, but it looks softer and smoother than that. Shit, I really wanna know how it feels like, but I don't wanna wake him up, neither.
Nah, fuck it, I'm gonna do it.
My hand gently approaches his head, my fingers edging closer to his curls-
"Ow!"
Aw, shit. I seriously just flicked his forehead with my pinky. Honest mistake, I swear. Wait a minute, was he awake this whole time?
"Aren't you supposed to be passed out, Manning?"
"Am I? What happened?"
"You passed out when I tried to kiss you. Who the hell even does that?"
Craig pouts and flicks my forehead.
"Argh! I didn't even mean to do that, man! It wasn't anywhere near that hard, neither."
He shoves me, but I don't let him get away with it. We keep at it for about a couple of minutes as we laugh our asses off. Our mania starts to die down and we're back to the way we were before I kissed him. I can't believe I did that, by the way. Did I mean to? I usually never joke around about stuff like that. Do I...?
"What about you?" Craig's voice is quieter, now that we're closer; so close that I can feel his breath on my lips.
"What about me?" I murmur back.
"Do you like me, too?"
I don't ask him what he means; we're already both nervous as we are. To my own surprise, I don't beat around the bush, neither.
"Yeah. Yeah, I like you too, Craig."
I see the pale skin of his neck briefly shift as he gulps.
"Can you kiss me again?"
I nod. His eyes have a nice color to them. They're hazel; sometimes they look brown, but right now, they almost look golden. I feel like I could get lost inside of them for as long as I live. Stop laughing, I'm dead serious.
"Go easy on me, alright?" Craig asks me before he closes his eyes.
I almost wanna make fun of him for sounding like some pure as snow virgin in the kind of pornos my dad used to rent, but honestly? I feel the same way, too. Sure, I've kissed a girl before, but I've never kissed a guy before. Okay, I did about fifteen minutes ago, but that happened way too fast for the both of us to take it in. I don't know where I stand when it comes to my sexuality anymore, but I do know that I'm almost touched to be the one who'll give Craig his first real kiss. I mean it, stop laughing!
Right. He told me to go easy on him. Don't go back to ground zero yet.
I kiss his cheek. It's soft and warm. I kiss it again before doing the same to his other cheek; I rub the one I just kissed. Not gonna lie, this feels pretty relaxing...
The sunset's reflecting off his long eyelashes. All of this feels like some dream that Tracker's gonna wake me up from. I know it isn't, but part of me's still scared that this is too good to be true.
I kiss his forehead, pecking down his eyelid and nose; skipping his lips so I can kiss his chin. How did I end up with someone like Craig? He should be hanging out with friendlier, more expressive guys like Spinner and Jimmy. So, why me? I care so much about him; I was so scared that I wasn't gonna be able to save him those two times, let alone see his face again after the basketball incident. Is he that grateful for what I did? Whatever, I'd do it over and over again if I had to.
Alright, here we go, Cameron. The main event. I can hear his heart pounding like it's been directly injected with Gatorade. Then again, that could also be mine. His lips are full, parted and pink. Super girly lips, but they look good on him. Yeah, I've stared at them more than once. So what?
"Sean... Hurry up," he moans. Wait, he moaned?
Okay, that went straight to my dick. My heart, I mean. Screw it, it's both.
Leaning into Craig's face, my lips graze his, making him whimper. That's when I close my eyes and go in for the kill.
They're so soft... I kiss him again and again. He eventually gets into the rhythm and kisses me back properly. His breath smells like mint; I'm sure he appreciates my rancid Doritos smell. Hope he doesn't mind his boyfriend having skunk breath by default. Wait, what did I just call him?
I pull away and open my eyes, but his are still closed. He's breathing real deep and trembling a little. I put my hand on his shoulder and rub it with my thumb to calm him down.
"You okay?"
Craig gulps and finally opens his eyes, too.
"Yeah... That was..."
"Yeah, I know."
He raises an eyebrow. "Haven't you already kissed someone before?"
"Ash isn't a guy, Craig."
Craig almost looks... Offended? What?
"Wait... You didn't do this just for me, did you?"
"I don't follow."
"Are you into guys, too?"
"I... I don't know."
Craig sighs. "I hope what you said earlier wasn't a lie."
"Look, just get to the point!" Again, classy.
"Do you love me or not, Sean?"
"I do love you! I've always loved you, alright? Look, I don't know where I swing right now, but all I know is that I wanna keep hanging out with you and not just as a friend. I know it in my fucking soul that I want to be more than best friends with you, Craig." Jesus Christ, Romeo, calm down and get your shit together.
Craig shyly smiles. "Sorry for making you yell. I just wasn't sure if this was some kind of elaborate prank or not."
I smile back. "It's okay. Besides, it felt pretty good saying it out loud like that."
I kiss him one more time before I lie down on the bed, carrying him with me before we cuddle each other. So, I guess we're boyfriends now or something. I'm cool with that. Screw what the others think of me, right? It's not like my reputation can get any worse from what it was before I met Craig. From the way he's looking at me without looking uncomfortable, I don't think he gives a damn about his reputation, neither.
By the way? Yes, his hair actually does feel that soft and smooth. If you're wondering where I am right now, I'm at the corner store buying a new pack of spicy Doritos for Joey. Craig ratted me out. I hate that I love him sometimes, but most of the time? I'm glad that I even got to meet him in the first place.
