So this story just kinda came into my head and I couldn't resist writing it.
and I hope you like it, I swear it's just an introduction, and it's getting better!;)
There was something about Ward that made me want to run from him and never look back, and at the same time I could feel some invisible force pulling me towards him. It was weird and it was frightening. How could I want just to slap him on that beautiful face and kiss him senseless at the same time? I think the answer is: I am stupid. But he was so frustrating, and so annoying, and ruggedly handsome and hot at the same time. He was driving me crazy. Every time he was close, or looked at me with those amazing brown eyes, or touched me when we were training, my heart started beating so hard against my chest that I swear I wondered if he could hear it beating.
One day he actually noticed I had a high heart rate when he pressed me to his chest during combat training and asked me if I had problems with my heart. When I told him that I was fine, he didn't believe me and it was only later that day that Simmons told me he came to the lab to ask about my health condition. Seriously, it was embarrassing.
I hated the way he treated me. One day he'd be all nice and we would talk or play board games and the other it would be as if I didn't exist. As much as I didn't want to admit it, it hurt. I let it happen again, after all these years, I let my guard down and got hurt almost instantly. Silly me. Here's my "I told you so".
I should have never let myself feel something like this, I should have kept my wall up and keep people away from myself as much as possible. But I had to get involved with S.H.I.E.L.D. and get all these five people and then start caring for them. Stupid, stupid Skye. I knew I've made a mistake the moment I started getting close to these people, the moment I started to care enough to risk my life for theirs. I was almost sure there was no going back now. I was trapped. I couldn't get rid of these feelings, they were too strong to ignore and strong enough to make my heart beat faster, strong enough to break it. That was what I was afraid of the most. Getting hurt by people I care about, having my heart broken.
I was scared of letting people in. These five people though, they didn't knock, they just burst inside without letting me know. They opened my door and let themselves in and I just watched them do that. It was as if I got paralyzed, I couldn't change anything that was happening.
I couldn't help thinking that it was simply fate. I believed in such things like fate, I believed in ghosts, in superheroes, in weird stuff. I just did. So for me, fate was the only possible explanation of what had happened. I couldn't change my fate, right? As much as I couldn't change the way I feel, the way I care about them. About one of them in a different way of course.
There were a lot of reasons why I tried to distance myself from Ward. He was mean to me, being all nice and then ignoring me, and he made me feel something I wasn't prepared to feel. Moreover, I was sure that what I felt wasn't reciprocal. It was hard for me to have all these unexplainable feelings for him when he didn't feel anything at all for me, like literally anything. I wondered if he even considered me his friend.
Sometimes he made me want to cry. He would get all mad and worked up, something that was partly due to the berserker stuff, and say all these things to me, making me wonder if he wanted me off the team. I wasn't scared of him, but when he grabbed me by the shoulders that one time, his grasp so strong it really hurt, and started saying mean things to me, I got pretty terrified. Later he came to apologize and said that he didn't mean any single thing of what he'd said. I told him it was cool and he shouldn't worry about that, but I lied. He hurt my feelings and I believed that everything he said back then he truly meant. So I decided I shouldn't let myself get any closer to him and let him hurt me even more.
One evening I was lying in my bunk thinking about Ward when I tried so hard not to think about him. I just couldn't stop thinking about him. No matter what he did and how he treated me, I still felt the same. I was drawn to him.
Suddenly I remembered one thing I'd left in my van that I desperately needed now. It used to make me feel better and I haven't used it in a long time. It's been a long time I allowed myself to get hurt by people.
I got up and walked into the hall. I walked to the cargo hold, relieved not to have met anyone. The bus seemed empty, which meant everyone had retrieved to their bunks or in Coulson's case, bedroom.
I wanted to take my guitar from my van but I didn't want any of the people on the bus to know about it. About that part of me who loves singing and playing the guitar. It was a secret I wanted to keep. It was too personal and hardly anyone knew about that hobby of mine, even the bastard Miles.
I used to go to bars and play there late in the evening or at night, where no one knew me, where no one could judge me for what I sing and how I do it. It felt like a safe thing to do. I could do what I loved without worrying about unnecessary stuff. I really enjoyed singing. Mostly it was just covers of the songs that I liked. I was too shy to sing something of my own. Anyway, I didn't need it. All I wanted is to sing, it made me feel better and it was very satisfying.
The only problem was how I was going to do that on the bus without anyone hearing me but it was a problem I was going to try and solve.
I slowly and quietly walked to the ramp and pushed on the button to open it, looking back to make sure no one was there. I successfully opened the ramp, walked down to the hangar and started searching for my van in the dark, the only source of light was from the opened ramp of the bus.
When I finally found it I pulled out my extra key from the back pocket, slid open the door and got inside, closing it as quietly as possible.
"Home, sweet home", I thought.
I quickly found the case with my guitar and before leaving decided to quickly tune the guitar. It didn't take me a lot of time but when I got out of the van the ramp was closed. Someone must have passed by, saw that it was opened and of course decided to close it. Perfect logic, damn it.
I closed my van, rolling my eyes and huffing in annoyance. It must have been May. She wasn't flying the plane and probably didn't have anything else to do, so when she saw the ramp was opened, she well, just closed it. What else could have happened?
I opened the ramp with my phone again and walked inside, quickly closing it and throwing my guitar on the backseat of Lola just in case May was somewhere nearby.
But it wasn't May's voice that I heard behind my back.
"Where have you been?"
A chill ran through my spine as I realized who it was. So he closed the ramp, leaving me in complete darkness. How sweet of him.
I answered before turning around to head for my bunk: "Not your business, Robot"
I started walking up the stairs but he followed me and asked again: "Why did you go outside?''
Why is he so clingy? Why does he want to know, it's not like he cares. And because of him my guitar is still inside Lola. I said: "I don't ask you stupid questions, so I suggest you do the same"
It didn't seem to satisfy his curiosity, only caused more questions from him. "Can't you tell me why you suddenly decided to leave the bus? For what? And you shouldn't just go there on your own, it's pitch dark there"
Oh, how dare he close the ramp and then tell me it's dark there? I was starting to get mad at him.
"That's because someone closed the ramp! Someone who's asking too many questions!"
I reached my door, slid it open and closed it right in front of his face, annoyed at him for asking all these questions and for having to leave the guitar in Coulson's car. Now I had to go there again later and retrieve my guitar, just perfect.
I slumped down on my bed and sighed deeply. Seriously, that man was going to be the death of me. I brought my hand to my heart and of course it was beating faster than it was normal. I groaned and opened my laptop to distract myself till I could go back for my instrument.
I waited for an hour and went back to get my guitar, thinking it was enough time for Ward to disappear to his bunk. As I came closer to Lola, I heard his low voice just behind my back: "Going out again?"
I felt his breath on my neck and thought: "Damn you, Ward"
I frowned and said before turning to face him: "What is the matter with you today, seriously?"
He snorted, and looking me right in the eyes and standing oh just so close, said: "What's the matter with ME? I'm not the one acting weird and sneaking out of the bus without any apparent reason"
I closed my eyes and groaned loudly. How could just one man make me so mad in a matter of minutes, seconds even?
"Skye, what is going on?"
Realizing that there was no way I could take my guitar without him noticing, I decided to head back to my bunk. At least my guitar was on the bus now.
I said: "Mind your own business, Ward"
I turned to go but he grabbed my upper arm and pulled me back, then gently lifted my chin, forcing me to look at him.
"What's wrong, Skye? Why don't you want to talk to me? Did I do anything to hurt you?"
He was so close and his touch felt so good that I could hardly breathe, saying nothing of my racing heart. I struggled not to fall apart right in front of him, remembering those awful things he'd told me that made me feel like crap.
My eyes started to burn with unshed tears and I looked down, not able to look in his eyes anymore. Him being so close was enough.
He lifted my chin up to look me in the eyes again, and I fought hard not to let the tears fall.
He repeated: "Did I hurt you?"
I could bear to look at him any longer. I shook off his hand on my face, slapping him on the hand and run to my bunk as fast as I could. He followed me shouting my name and he almost got me but I got inside and locked the door, then put my hand over my mouth and let myself weep at last. It happened. For the first time in my life I was crying because of a guy. Why did it have to be so hard? Why did I fall for someone like him, for someone who doesn't care about me?
Holding my hand on my mouth tight so that he didn't hear that I was crying I slowly sank to the floor. I heard his voice behind the door, which made me flinch: "Skye, are you going to talk to me?"
I couldn't say anything, still not able to stop sobbing, and he spoke again, this time his voice sounding pretty worried:
"Skye, are you okay?"
I tried my best to sound normal. "Go away"
The sound of my voice didn't go unnoticed by him because as soon as he heard me he asked: "Are you crying?"
I thought: "Oh god, why is he still here anyway, can't he leave me alone?"
I stopped sobbing, although tears still run down my face one by one, sighed and repeated: "I said go away"
I opened my eyes and realized I'd fallen asleep. I checked the time, it was three in the morning. I slowly got up from the floor, stretching my body.
I wondered for a while how I ended up sleeping on the floor and it didn't take much time for me to do that.
Thinking about my instrument still stuck in Lola, I turned to the door, slid it open and sneaked outside. Careful not to wake anyone, not making any noise at all, I got to Coulson's Lola safely and sighed in relief when I successfully retrieved my guitar. Without wasting time, I made my way back to the bunk, just as quietly as on my way there.
When I slid the door of my bunk closed, I pulled the guitar out of the case right away, smiling at the familiar feeling and saying "Finally".
I set the capo and traced my fingers lightly through the strings, closing my eyes and enjoying the feeling of having a guitar in my hands again after such a long time. I couldn't believe I almost forgot about it with all the missions we've been having with S.H.I.E.L.D.
I took my guitar pick and started playing one of my favorite songs, ever so quietly, as quietly as I possibly could, not to wake anyone, and started humming the lyrics.
There's somethin' 'bout the way the street looks when it's just rained
There's a glow off the pavement, you walk me to the car
And you know I wanna ask you to dance right there
In the middle of the parking lot, yeah
We're drivin' down the road, I wonder if you know
I'm tryin' so hard not to get caught up now
But you're just so cool, run your hands through your hair
Absent-mindedly makin' me want you
Singing the familiar words and realizing the meaning has changed, it was different to me now. Because of one certain guy who's changed everything. I just kept having the images of me and him running through my head when I sang. It made my eyes sting and I frowned, trying not to cry over the damn Ward again. God, I wanted him, I wanted him really bad, not in just one way, I needed him like air. But I could hardly admit it to myself. It made me scared.
And I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless
So baby drive slow 'til we run out of road
In this one horse town, I wanna stay right here
In this passenger seat, you put your eyes on me
In this moment, now capture it, remember it
Why was I doing this to myself? The images of Ward driving the car and me sitting in the passenger seat emerged in my head, the feeling of being safe and protected, and just peacefulness, whenever he was close. I desperately wanted these moments of piece to last, without him going back to his Robot-self, and thus crushing my poor little heart in pieces again and again.
'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless
Well, you stood there with me in the doorway
My hands shake, I'm not usually this way
But you pull me in and I'm a little more brave
It's the first kiss, it's flawless, really somethin'
It's fearless
He took my breath away, literally, I had trouble breathing when he came so close that I could feel him breathing, it sent chills down my spine and gave me the butterflies, made my head spin and made me somewhat very close to drunk. Was that even normal to feel that way? I could no longer keep the annoying tears from falling. I gave in, not caring anymore, hot tears rolling down my cheek one by one, and thinking it was just because the song is really beautiful.
'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless
'Cause I don't know how it gets better than this
You take my hand and drag me headfirst, fearless
And I don't know why but with you I'd dance
In a storm in my best dress, fearless
so I really hope you enjoyed this and I wanna know your opinion!
jeez... I really hope it's any good hah
