Insecure
Nikki Flores
So this is where it starts me and Joe fighting. Yet again.
I don't know what the problem is. It seems like the more we get to know each other. The more I start to fall for him I seem to find something wrong with him. With us in general. I don't know what the problem is. I know it's me. He only wants to be there for me. This year hasn't been the best for either of us. Yet I just can't let him all the way in.
All he did today was say I love you. Dumb right.
"I don't why you won't let me in," See. "Why can't you trust me. I love you so much. More than anything and it's so hard for me to say this to you 'cause I know that you'll just turn me down. Just tell me why, Kaila." Joe yelled almost pleading for me to give him a reason to stay after over a year.
"I don't know what your talking about," I lied. "I let you in plenty. You just want too much." I said bawling and collapsing on a nearby couch.
"I only want you to show me that you want me as much as I want you. Yeah, you kiss me back, you let me hold your hand, cuddle if you feel up to it. But I don't want a sometimes… I don't even know what we are to each other. This is ridiculous. Maybe your insecure about us but I've tried to give you everything I can. I'll see you at the concert." Joe said walking away from me.
Before he got too far away I grabbed his wrist. "Please don't leave me. Not like him." I said as my sobs shook me body.
"I'm not like him… I… I just need some air… some time to think about this, about us. I promise I won't leave, but I can't wait forever." Joe stated visibly holding back tears, wrenching himself from my grasp. As I hold on for dear life. He finally broke free and ran off of my bus and into the venue as I cried myself to sleep.
That was 1:57 pm. My phobia of odd numbers. Well now it was almost 8:00 and time for my set.
While I was getting ready for the show I wrote not one but two songs. I've been writing a lot of songs lately.
I after I sang my set I introduced one of my new songs
"Hey Utah… Are y'all having a good time tonight?" I asked earning a mountain of screams and yells as I moved the mic stand while one of the stage hands brought out a stool "Thanks, Dean." I waited for the screams to die down. "So usually at this point in the show I introduce The Jonas Brothers." Which also earned ear piercing responses like 'I love you Nick', 'Marry me Kevin', and the dreaded 'I'll have your babies Joe.' Usually I just laughed, but tonight was different. "But tonight is kind of different." I looked over and saw Joe with a puzzled look on his face. "You see I really messed up today and someone said something that stuck. So I wrote a song about it, and I'm gonna sing it for y'all tonight, it's called Insecure." I said as sat down and started strumming the pink guitar Joe bought me for my birthday.
(Here's the link
"I'm standing here right in front of you
Do you still see me the same
Then I hear you say I love you
And my worries disappear
Makes me wonder why I can't let it go
There's no reason why I should feel alone
But I hide behind my skin afraid of what's within
"It's my insecurity
It's not you it's me
I'm my worst enemy
It's my insecurity
Just wanna be perfect in your eyes
(Perfect in your eyes)
"Now I know that you loved me for me
But it's so hard
I've been hurt so many times
But you never lit the sky baby
"Makes me wonder why I can't let it go
(I can't let it go)
There's no reason why I should feel alone
But I hide behind my skin
Afraid of what's within
"It's my insecurity
It's not you it's me
I'm my worst enemy
It's my insecurity
Just wanna be perfect in your eyes
(Perfect in your eyes)
"All I really want is love
All I really need is
He's all mine
So tell me why I'm so lost baby
Of something I already had yeah
"It's my insecurity
It's not you it's me
I'm my worst enemy
It's my insecurity
Just wanna be perfect in your eyes
(perfect in your eyes)"
I guess I should start from the beginning.
