This year I'm going to try and contribute to NaLu week! This is prompt 4: Secrets
Note: I won't be doing every single prompt because it takes me way too long to write a one shot :)
2nd Note: This is after the 1 year time skip and before the Spriggan Arc.
XXX
It's been about two weeks since he came back. Two weeks since the hole in her heart had finally been filled. So why... Why did she feel this way. She still felt so alone, even when she was surrounded by her guild mates. While she talked to Levy, it seemed as if she wanted to be somewhere else. Away from her. It was probably her imagination. Her over thinking things as usual but she just couldn't shake that feeling off.
At the moment, she was at home. Alone. Looking at what had become so precious to her. Aquarius's key. Oh Mavis it hurt just looking at it, knowing that, she had been the one to break it. The one to cause Aquarius so much pain. Tears pooled at the back of her eyes as she traced over the jagged edges of the key. During that year she was all alone she had done many things that she wasn't proud of. Her eyes zoned in on her left wrist. She could still see the faint scares that ran across it. The blonde gulped, her mind flashing back to those painful months. She had managed to convince everyone that she was fine. During the middle of the year, she had adopted long sleeved shirts to hide the marks. It hadn't taken her spirits long to find out what she was doing behind closed doors. To see how she had marred her wrist with her key.
Lucy turned her head away and stuffed her key into her pocket. She refused to go down that path. Refused to live through those memories again. Loke had told her that she was being too harsh on herself. That... Without Aquarius's sacrifice then no one if Fairy Tail would even be here.
A single tear fell down her cheek. Even if it was necessary, if anyone else had been in her spot they could of- would of- saved the day. Erza, Gray, Natsu. They would have all found a way to save everyone but no. It had been her. And she had lost her first friend.
"Aquarius" She whimpered. Mavis she felt pathetic. Everyone else had gone through struggles that were even worse than her own yet here she was. Crying. Again! The mage hiccupped and made her way over to the bathroom. If she was going to cry then it was best to cry alone. She couldn't continue to burden others with her problems and she knew at some point, Natsu would break in and wonder what had gotten into her. Why she was sitting in the middle of her room and bawling her eyes out.
Speaking of Natsu, he hadn't once addressed the issue that was bothering her so much. It was like he didn't even see an issue with leaving for a year and leaving a note. A note! Questions swirled around her head. Why did he leave was obvious but why didn't he take her with?! Was she so pathetic that he couldn't even be bothered to take her with? No, Natsu would never think that, he cared a lot about her, even if he had odd ways of showing it. But... If he was going to leave couldn't he at least talk to her first? Say why she couldn't come with or just a good bye! Just after he had left, Fairy Tail had disbanded and everyone had forgotten about her. They all separated into little groups and left without even talking to her, saying goodbye.
Silent tears now streamed down her face but Lucy did nothing to stop them.
They probably all assumed that she was with Natsu but he was nowhere to be found. She was left all alone, again. After that she had to leave to the big city to make a living for herself, she couldn't just wallow in sadness for the rest of her life no matter how much she wanted to. Cutting had became her quick fix. The way she could dull the pain, even if it was just for a few hours. It was her way to cope. It made her feel alive. She could feel the jagged edges digging into her skin. Yeah, it hurt but it felt so good. It brought her mind back to the present and made the constant pain or numbness in her heart disappear, even if it was just for a moment.
Her body seemed to move on its own, taking out her key and presenting it to her. Once more wouldn't hurt right? Just a quick scratch just to push away her emotions. Make it all go away. As the key got closer and closer to her wrist she seemed to wake up. Snap out of the haze she was in. Jerking back her right hand violently she panted. She had been without that for so long now so why did the urge come back now. She could just imagine the look on Loke's face if she had done it. Would anyone else care though? Would they just ignore it? Probably.
"No.. Don't think that way.." She mumbled to herself then stood up. Making her way over to her sink she splashed her face with cold water. It helped with her red face but did nothing to make her feel better. It never did though. The only thing that made her feel better was...
The mage shook her head. She was not about to fall back into that hole. She had her friends back now, she should be happy. She stumbled a bit on the way, but in the end made it out of the bathroom. She turned off the lamp in her room and flopped onto her bed, only to jump out when she fell on a person.
"EH!" She shrieked, her eyes wide.
"Luce..." The bump on her bed muttered. Lucy blinked. Once, Twice...
"Wh-What are you doing in here Natsu!" She exclaimed, pointing a finger through the darkness. Of course it would be him. Who else would break into her house in the middle of the night and sleep on her bed. Silence ensued after that. It was odd, usually he would complain that she was too loud and Happy would... Wait. "Where's Happy?"
"He's staying at Wendy and Charla's house" Natsu was now sitting up on her bed and staring at her, well, looking in her direction.
"Oh..." She mumbled unsure on how to continue the convocation. Why was he so quiet?
"Turn on the lights" He said seriously. She gulped, what was with him today! He was really freaking her out, looking so serious and stuff. But never the less, she obliged and turned on the lamp next to her desk. The light was dim but it was enough for her to see him staring at her with worry. Worry... Why was he worried. Did something happen?
"Why were you crying?" He asked softly, as if she was about to burst into to tears again,
"N-No reason" She cursed inwardly at her stutter. It was so obvious that it was a lie now.
"Lucy..." He said sternly,
"R-Really it's nothing to worry about I-I just-" Her voice got caught in her throat when she looked at him again. He looked a mixture of concerned, angry and... hurt? Why was he hurt at her words. She started panicking internally. Did she say something that hurt his feelings. She was a horrible friend to do that..
"Don't lie" She stilled at his tone. Maybe he wasn't wrong for being cautious because now, seeing him look t her with so much worry, it made her want to cry,
"Ar-I-It's n-not a big deal" She tried to worm her way out of the situation again but the look he gave her was enough to know that she wasn't going to get out o this situation any time soon.
"I-It's about my spirit, Aquarius" She whispered, her voice so quiet that even she had difficultly hearing it. Her eyes were trained to the floor so she couldn't see the confused look he gave her
"That fish lady? What happened, did she yell at you for dropping her key or something" Those words alone brought tears to her eyes. Dammit, he was so insensitive!
"H-Hey Luce, I'm sure that she's not really angry at you and- Luce why are you crying!" She could hear the panic in his voice but she wasn't able to comfort him,
"S-She... I'm never going to see her again" Ignoring his confused look, she stuck a hand in her pocket and fished out the broken key. She then showed it to him and looked up to see his reaction. He had lost the confused look and now adopted a shocked one, his eyes going wide and his mouth open to ask about it. She looked back down at the key, feeling the guilt hit her full force again.
"How did-"
"I broke it Natsu. I took away her freedom" The blonde let out a sob and curled her fingers around the item. She could feel his confusion again so she decided to tell him everything. What had happened in Tartaros when everyone was stuck in the Cube. How she had summoned the Spirit King at the price of her mother's key. Then after Tartaros and how Fairy Tail disbanded and how everyone left her. She didn't say anything about her depression or anything about how she self harmed. It's a topic that's too sensitive for her to reveal at the moment. By the end of her speech she was in tears. The dragonslayer remained silent throughout, seemingly deep in thought.
"N-Natsu... Please say something. Don't just stare" Lucy whispered, her voice cracking near the end.
"I-I... I'm sorry. For leaving but..."
"I know" Lucy sighed, "You had some things to deal with too after Tartaros" Natsu said nothing but the pain in his eyes said everything. He left to get stronger, to be able to protect his nakama. The celestial mage understood that but that didn't change the fact that him leaving had hurt, a lot.
"But, we can heal, together" She whispered, taking his hands into hers. Embarrassment weld up inside her but she refused to let it show. She knew how cheesy and cliché it sounded but it seemed to do he trick because he squeezed her hands lightly and whispered back, "Yeah" His voice heavy with emotion.
It would take a while to heal from all of what had happened in Tartaros and the year after but, as long as they were together, they could do anything. Their friendship was still shaky from his departure but she was sure that, in time, that too would heal and maybe evolve into something more? Only time would tell. For now though, they were just two broken teens trying to fix each other but maybe, just maybe, they'll be able to recover completely from everything that has happened in their life and carve a new path. Together.
FIM! This is my contribution to Nalu week, tell me what you think by reviewing and stuff. I didn't really like the ending but I was running out o time and didn't want to miss it and not contribute. Well that's it, see ya in the future and I hope you have fun with the rest of Nalu week! :)
Ruby Heartfillia
