Prologue

There were so many complications. There were so many things that came in between us. At my end it seemed like even though all the obstacles were present, they weren't enough to get in between my feelings for him. Him on the other hand was a whole different story. He was arrogant, selfish, self centered, unmotivated, cold, shut off, unexpressive, difficult, spoiled, a big baby…and I was passionately and completely in love with him. There was a cosmic force, something I didn't have the understanding of completely. I spiritual connection of some sort, so much so that he pulled on my energy all the time, it made me feel drained almost. When we came together, it was magic, fire, fireworks, a sense of euphoria that made you question where you had been for the last 24 hours. If I ever tried to explain this to one of my friends, they would have me committed, maybe I was crazy but I couldn't shake him. No matter what. There was a reason for us to come together to begin with, I was sure of it.

So where was the universe, God whatever you believed in now? Looking at the situation I wasn't sure if it would ever be okay unless we were together. How could we go back to things being platonic? How could I see him with other girls and just be okay with it. The pull between us was there and magnetic! Why should two people try so hard to stay away from one another? Wasn't that enough proof that something higher was at force here? With all these questions it just added to the frustration and confusion.

If he wanted to ignore me, to pretend there was nothing between us…I would give him what he wanted. Even though deep inside, it killed me. The absence of him left my heart empty and raw. It made me feel worthless and defeated. There was one thing that I had that I may not have let known with him. I had enough respect for myself to see that he had all the control in this and that was about to end. If there was no future with us, if nothing good could come out of this then I was about to give him everything he wanted. I had come to the realization that good things may not always come to those who wait. I didn't deserve to be treated poorly. All I ever did for the last 20 or so odd years was give a shit about him and I think it was about time I stopped.