Author's note: I came up with this 2-3 shot a long time ago and decided to finish it. I don't know if you'll like it but there will be one or two chapters left. I don't really like this story that much. It was hard to write and I don't know if I captured it right but there will be 1-2 more chapters and an epilogue too.

Warnings: This isn't a happy story. Some parts are optimistic and up lifting but it's not like my last one-shot. Also sex and language.

Attention: I did some research on leukemia but the things in this story may not be accurate.

Eli. The boy I'm in love with. The boy who is dying…

I sat in English behind Eli. I was copying down notes from the board while Ms. Dawes taught us the lesson.

Everything was quiet except for the pencils tapping against the thin paper and the chalk scraping against the big black board.

Just then the raven haired boy in front of me sprang up from his seat and darted to the doors.

My peers' heads shot up but weren't surprised. Just a little frazzled. Their eyes soon locked with mine, giving me sympathetic looks.

We went through this routine.

Ms. Dawes turned around and saw the empty seat in front of me. I got up and rushed to the door. My irrelevant teacher gave me a pass without saying a word.

I walked a bit fast to the boys' washroom. I knocked on it, "Eli?" I only heard whimpering. I opened the door slowly.

"Eli, baby?" I then heard what I heard exactly one day ago.

Eli's stomach purging his insides. I walked into the stall that was making intelligible noises. Eli was sitting down leaning against the wall by the toilet.

"It's hell, Clare," he turned to meet my gaze "having cancer." he mumbled. I reached out and wiped the light colored substance from is mouth and pulled him towards me. I cradled his head and began to cry.

I always cried.

He was the strong one. Not me.

Eli had leukemia. The often fatal cancer in which white blood cells displace his normal blood, leading to infection, shortage of red blood cells anemia, bleeding, and other disorders. He was diagnosed when he was 14 and had to go through treatment which included chemotherapy and radiotherapy.

We've been dating for 3 years now and I've seen it all. Eli says that I'm everything to him and that he wouldn't have lived this long if I weren't in his life. I think that's bullshit. I'm just a girl who cries and cries and does nothing. But we're meant to be. We're each other's other half.

Eli's my life and I can't help but want to be the one with cancer. Not him. He deserves to be happy.

After school - well after Eli was done in the bathroom. I took him home, driving his hearse, Morty, as his head laid on my lap. I would drive with one hand and stroke his soon-to-be hairless head with the other.

Eli was on leave for about a month but the cancer came back a few weeks ago. But really the cancer was always there.

It will always be there.

When we arrived at his house. I pulled his pale skinny body inside. His parents, CeCe and

Bullfrog were at work until 6 but after school he would always come to my house or vise versa.

Eli and I had a relationship that was nothing like a typical high school romance. We were attached. We have always loved each other. We were different. I knew everything about him and he knew everything about me. He were practically attached at the hip.

We went upstairs to his room. He immediately plopped down on the bed. I went to grab a fresh t-shirt and boxers for him.

I sigh sadly and walked towards him, kneeling on the bed next his limp body. I tugged up his shirt, "Arms up," I demanded gently. He groaned.

"Lay with me? Please," He mumbled, "I need you." I smiled weakly and put on the shirt for him. I slid his skinny jeans and plaid boxers down and put on the new boxers. I grabbed the big black comforter that was scrambled at the end of the bed and pulled it up to his chin.

I pulled off my shirt and bra, rummaging through his closet for one of my shirts. "God, I want you." Eli muttered. I smiled and unbuttoned my pants, stepping out of them before I carefully got in with him. We faced each other. Our legs intertwined as our fingers did. "I love you, Clare so much." I started sobbing quietly and Eli wrapped his arms around me. Our bodies fusing together, "Please don't cry. Please, baby. This cancer is only temporary. I promise, I'll get better soon." he smiled. I looked up at him hesitantly, afraid that if I saw his eyes I would start weeping again, "Promise?" I asked softy.

"Promise"

Lies.

The next day we went to the doctor with CeCe and Bullfrog. Hoping to get good news about how Eli's treatment is going. CeCe and Bullfrog sat in the front with faint music playing. Eli and I were cuddled up together in the back, clinging together.

We arrived at the all too familiar hospital. With bleak white walls and depressing atmosphere.

We all sat down in Eli's doctor's office, silently. Waiting for something that could change Eli's life, my life…our life.

The burly doctor came in and shut the door. Eli squeezed my hand and tried to reassure me. He sat down, "Hello Eli, Mr. and Mrs. Goldsworthy, Clare." He nodded at us warmly. I felt relived.

He has good news. I thought. Eli will be cancer free soon. That's what he'll say. We will celebrate with a nice dinner and Eli and I will make love afterward. Over and over again until everything is numb.

I came back from my thoughts when the doctor started pulling out Eli's files and test results. He looked over them a few times. His eyebrows furrowed a few times and I felt my stomach drop.

"I'm sorry-" I blanked out.

No, no, no! Please don't say sorry. Please don't.

"Eli's red blood cells seem to be lower than last month… I'm afraid to say, that the cancer has gotten worse and could possibly be fatal by the end of next month."

Time stopped. Everything is a blur and I don't know what's going on. Maybe I'm dead or maybe everything is a dream. I don't know…

Eli's head rested on my breast on the way home. I cradled his head tight to me. My tear stained cheek rested on his balding head. I don't really remember what happened after the man that told the person I love was going to die by the end of next month. I faintly remember CeCe asking what our options were and him saying that they could put Eli on more drugs or let mother nature take care of him and let him live his life.

Mother nature? He's not a fucking flower that dies if you don't water it! He's a person.

When we got home, Eli and I went straight up to his room. Falling on to the bed together, in a dependent mix of limbs. We cried together and he kept whispering things to me like, 'I love you' and 'The doctor is lying'.

Denial…

CeCe and Bullfrog called us down after about an hour to talk about it. We all sat silently down at the table. Our digits of the hand intertwined under the table.

"Alright, we can get through this." one of the adults said across from us. My anger boiled. "This won't change anything." I was fuming. "We have to work together, we need to work together." I erupted. "Work together? We aren't building a fucking house!" I slammed my fists on the table, "How are we suppose to work together? Huh? We can't do anything!" I don't know why I said that. To say I was mad would be undoubtedly the utmost understatement I would ever think or say.

"I can't see him suffer. I don't - ahh" I broke off into uncontrollable sobs. I was nearly screaming with hysterics. I felt a pair of arms push me into them forcefully. They started rocking back and fourth, embracing me securely. I kept whispering over and over again the only thing that kept me sane or the only thing that was making me go insane. "Eli."

I felt the person hold me and carry me up the stairs to a room, that I was guessing Eli's. But I had closed my eyes tightly as I held onto the person's - well most likely Eli's neck. I felt Eli put me down and undress me. He picked me back up and brought me to the connected bathroom in his room. He put my nude body down on the toilet seat and started to run the bath water. As he waited for the bath water to fill up he put me on his lap, my head on his shoulder. "I'll never leave you, Clare." he whispered as he stroked my cheek. I whimpered and clenched my hand onto his shirt.

I was soon in the warm water. I was still crying and whimpering. Eli kneeled next to the tub and grabbed a small towel, dipping it in the water then caressing my body with it. Before long I relaxed against his touch. "Come in with me." I said quietly glancing at him. He smiled and nodded. I watched him strip and saw his erection. I giggled. "What so funny?" he said sarcastically.

"Oh nothing new." I giggled and he laughed. I sat up so he could get behind me. His legs slid through and were face-to-face with mine. I laid back, my head on his chest. His arms came though mine and wrapped around my upper stomach, my breasts resting on them.

"Eli?"

"Yes love?' he sighed.

"What are we going to do?" I asked. I felt him put his chin on my head, kissing it lightly.

"We're going to live life. I don't want to mope around and wait for my death date." I cringed at his last words. "We have time but you know, life is either a daring adventure or nothing." he said.

I smiled, "Helen Keller said that."

"Yup," he rubbed my stomach, "You have a choice. Live or die. Every breath is a choice. Every minute is a choice. To be or not to be."

"Chuck Palahniuk said that."

"That's my girl." he grinned.

I laughed and turned around to face him, straddling his hips. "Then let's make the best of everything and not worry about the unimportant stuff."

Eli nodded and leaned down to kiss me. I smiled wide and wrapped my arms around his wet neck. He squeezed my hips and started grinding himself on me. I broke the kiss to moan. "Oh, god… Oh, Eli!" he smirked and I thrust my hips down on his, creating delicious friction. We kissed again, fast and desperate. I reached down and rubbed my clit while he pulled on my nipple. "If you don't know what you want, you end up with a lot you don't." Another Palahniuk quote he breathed against my needy lips.

"I know what I want." I responded kissing his ear and whispered, "You."

Before he could respond I got up and grabbed a condom from one of the cupboards next to the sink. I got back in rolled the condom on his penis before lifting my hips and sinking down on him. My eyes rolled back and we both moaned. The water started splashing around us as I moved up and down on him. He let out an inhuman growl and thrust his hips up, meeting mine. Eli's hand reached down and stroked me fast. I put my hands on his shoulders to get leverage and he sucked a nipple into his mouth. "I love you." "I need you." we whispered.

We were each other's other half…

A week and a half later I was on Eli's bed next to him. Our nude bodies pressed together under the blankets. He was spooned up against me. His long fingers stroked my stomach and breasts. We had just got done making love for the fourth time that night and we were dead tired.

We agreed to not mourn over his cancer and to live life to the fullest together. Have fun and be together always.

I was already pretty much living with Eli when he told me he had cancer but we made it official. A few days ago I packed all of my clothes and bathroom items, with Eli's help of course, and formally moved in. My mom agreed since she was also practically living at her boyfriend's apartment.

We have been going to the park, the beach, the mall, seeing movies and I even convinced him to go in-door roller skating with me. We also hung out with Adam a lot too. He wanted his last times living on earth to be fun and enjoyed with by everyone who loved him. But I can't help but feel emptiness inside me, like I'm lying to my feelings.

The next day - well I guess today considering it was 2:45 a.m. - Eli's family, Adam, and I were going to go up to their cabin up north for the weekend. I was super excited and could barely sleep considering how tired I was.

But then something happened.

I awoke to Eli screaming in pain and blood gushing out of his two nostrils. I started to cry as I fumbled, grabbing my phone and dialing 911. I grabbed a shirt and put it to Eli's nose tightly, to try and stop the bleeding. CeCe and Bullfrog came in and rushed to their son. Bullfrog ripped the phone from my hand and screamed at the operator to get an ambulance here.

This isn't the first time I woke up to this but it never hurt any less. CeCe was calmer than me and she kept whispering things to Eli to help him calm down. I took that opportunity to quickly throw on a shirt and shorts. I got up and grabbed Eli some boxers and sweatpants. I swiftly changed him as we waited for the ambulance.

Fortunately it was a minor blood clot that caused the bleeding. They did an emergency surgery and had him in the hospital for the day.

The thing that happened this morning kind of brought me to reality and out of Eli and I's fantasy. I couldn't avoid his cancer. But I wanted to.

I wanted to so badly…

We all agreed to go to the cabin the next day, so Eli could rest for the night. The doctors gave Eli some strong pain killers and informed him of taking 3 a day till the body pain stopped. But Eli only took one, claiming he didn't want to lose control and get high off of them.

We brought Eli back home and ordered some pizza for dinner. Eli and I were snuggled up together on the sofa watching A Walk to Remember.Ironic…

It was during a sad part and I couldn't help but relate this movie to Eli and I's life. The pizza came and Eli was reaching for a piece when I stopped him. "Eli? Maybe you should have some crackers or bread." He frowned, "It's ok Clare, I can handle one piece of pizza. Plus I'm off my treatment so the meds won't make me barf." he chuckled. I wasn't convinced but didn't push.

We watched the rest of the movie and headed to bed since we had to leave early for the cabin. Eli went to the bathroom while I striped to a tank top and panties. After a bit of waiting in bed for him, I heard buzzing. My eyebrow squished together as I hopped to the bathroom, "Eli? Baby, are you ok?" I asked. "Just leave me alone Clare." "Eli?" "Clare go away! Now."

Whimpering came from inside and I burst open the door to find…

Author's note: This didn't come out at all like in my head. But this was the happy chapter. The next 1-2 chapters will be tear jerker's.