Do I Dazzle You? by Dickfart

Gardevoir was a new student in the Forks region of Washington. All the other Pokemon gawked at her for being new, even the ones descended from Hoenn like she was. She left Hoenn because she was tired of horny Pokemon trainers trying to look up her flesh skirt. She was still a virgin, holding out for the right man.

She had lunch with her friends Braixen, Banette, and Roselia, until a group of the most stunningly beautiful Pokemon walked into the room and had lunch all on their own.

"Who are they?" Gardevoir asked Braixen, the gossip queen.

"They're the Cullen group. Lopunny, Jynx, and Gothitelle are the girls. The boys are Hypno, Bisharp, Mienshao, and Lucario. They all keep to themselves."

"Oh, OK," said Gardevoir, finishing her soup.

She went to Chemistry class after and sat next to Lucario. He scrunched up his nose like she'd just farted, or something, which is silly since the only Pokemon that ever fart are Koffing and Weezing, two literal balls of anuses. Anii? Whatever, but the point was that Gardevoir most certainly did NOT fart, and she was very offended by the look of disgust on Lucario Cullen's face.

The next day in chemistry, Lucario was absent.

The day after that, a wild Muk named Tyler almost barreled into Gardevoir, which would have impregnated her on the spot! However, right before Tyler could do the deed, Lucario appeared and used Close Combat. Muk fainted.

"You fool!" said Lucario, and he dashed off into the shadows all bishounen-like. Gardevoir had a massive lady boner ever since, though she didn't want to admit it.

Later in Chemistry class Gardevoir was like "hey, you like Jane Austen?"

"Shut your whore mouth," said Lucario. Gardevoir almost came right then and there.

Later that day Gardevoir, Braixen, and Banette all went to the mall to get manipedis, pokepuffs, ass tattoos, and yaoi manga. They got separated when Braixen and Banette wanted to do some stupid preppy shit, Gardevoir didn't care. She went outside to smoke a bowl when a fucking Wobuffet and Swalot decided to interrupt her.

"WOB-UFF-ET!" said Wobuffet.

"What my friend means to say, see, is that we plan on planting our sperms into ya eggs, see, so you can lay us da eggs, see? I can swallow ten tons of cum, see. Let me show you my technique, see?"

Swalot barely got his mouth open before Lucario showed up on a motorcycle and did some Kamehameha shit right down Swalot's throat. Swalot fucking died.

"WOB-UFF-ET," said Wobuffet. Lucario tried to punch him, but he used counter, so Lucario punched himself instead.

"The answer is no," said Gardevoir, and Wobuffet, unlike any other pepe the frog fuckboy, took the fucking hint and left without Lucario's flagrant white knighting. Gardevoir proceeded to smoke her bowl.

"Mormons don't smoke weed, you cunt," said Lucario.

"Go fuck yourself," said Gardevoir, but secretly she liked this lame asshole.

"Get on my bike, babe. Let me show you the town."

"K."

Gardevoir stashed her stash within the folds of her flesh dress and hit up the night with her new main squeeze. They were in love.

Until some fuck Buizel named Lycanroc showed up to fuck everything up. These teen romances always gotta have a fucking love triangle.

"High, I'm Lycanroc," said Lycanroc. "But you can call me Jacob."

"No thanks, Lycanroc," said Gardevoir. "I'm already in love."

"With some shitty Lucario? The worst Pokemon? Come on. You have to admit, at least I'm original."

"You're from Gen 7," said Gardevoir. "You haven't been around long enough to be overdone."

"Tru, but come on. Lucario fucking sucks. Why not ride my furry cock instead?"

"No, but I will jump off a cliff and smoke a fat bowl with you at some point," said Gardevoir.

"Well," said Lycanroc. "OK. I guess that's as good as I'm gonna get. You are Gardevoir, after all."

"Damn skippy," said Gardevoir.

Blah blah blah, five hundred pages of chagrin and topaz eyes happens, until Gardevoir gets SUCKER PUNCHED into a FUCKING MIRROR by FUCKING ZOROARK.

"I'M GOING TO DEVOUR YOU PUSSY FIRST," said Zoroark, until Lucario used Mega Punch on him. He died on the spot. Hurrah.

"My hero!" said Gardevoir, and then she and Lucario made out fiercely.

End Book 1

R U TEAM LUCARIO OR TEAM LYCANROC LET ME NO IN TEH REVOOS TWILIT 4EVA FUCK HORNY POTTER