Story: Dynasty Idiots Part 4: The Erroneous Origins of Sailor Wu
Authors: Master Jin Sonata
Written: April 29th, 2016
Genre: Humor/Parody
Rating: T (Language, Violence)
Disclaimer: I do not own Koei or its hilarious antics of its heroes.
Introduction
Several thousand years ago, China was home to a great civilization ruled by Queen Qiao. Everything was peaceful, until the Fire Nation attacked.
…Wait, that's not right, hold on…I seemed to have gotten my scripts mixed up…ah, here we go. Ahem.
Everything was peaceful, until the arrival of evil Queen Zhang Chunhua.
"Hahahaha, first the Three Kingdoms shall be mine, then all of China!" proclaims Queen Zhang Chunhua as she lays waste to everything around her.
To conquer the Three Kingdoms, Queen Zhang Chunhua unleashed the awesome power of the Post Meta Angst that all fangirls reading this would crumple under. Although her kingdom was nearly destroyed, Queen Qiao's last hope was the power of the Imperial Golden Seal and the Crystal Peacock Folding Fans.
"Only the Crystal Peacock Folding Fans can combat the power of the Post Meta Angst. Never let our enemies get them or our Kingdom will never be restored. But most of all you must protect my reincarnated successor: Xiao Qiao. Do you understand?" Queen Qiao decrees to two adorable little cats that knelled before her. One cat, named Bao Sanniang was female with black fur and wore green frilly décor. The other, named Guan Suo, was male with white fur and a more contemporary outfit.
"Yes, leave it to us!" both Bao and Suo reply simultaneously.
In Wu-beam crystals, the queen sent the two cats into the future known as Modern Day China. Their mission was to find this Xiao Qiao girl and lead her to her destiny.
And so our story begins!
Xiao Qiao's House
RIIIING!
BLAM!
Pulling out a pistol and shooting her alarm clock as soon as it rang, our heroine, Xiao Qiao, yawns tiredly as she peeks her head out from underneath covers and gazes at the now smoldering clock she had shot. It was then it hit her that she was thirty minutes late to school.
"Oh no! I'm late for school again! Dad! Why didn't you wake me up in time for the first bell?" Xiao proclaims, hopping out of her bed and scrambling to get dressed.
"I did, Xiao, seventeen times, and each time you said you were getting up right away," her dad, Sun Jian, calls to her from downstairs.
"And you believed that bullshit?!" Xiao yells back.
"Hey, your grades, not mine!" Sun Jian responds.
As Xiao rushes out of her bedroom door, she trips over some stray clothes and tumbles down several flights of stairs before crashing and burning (in a literal flame) at the bottom.
Sun Jian sighs. "We're barely into this story and our heroin is already trying to kill herself…"
Please review and keep watch for the next chapter, as this collection is constantly updated until its completion!
