A/N: This is what comes from my brain when I am extremely bored at school.

Disclaimer: None of this is mine. If it was, the books would be very different and I would be dating Fred, George, or Draco.

What the Hogwarts Teachers Do Over Summer Vacation

The teachers were gathered around the table for a meeting. But this was not a normal meeting. This was the annual end-of-the-summer meeting.

Dumbledore: (standing up) Welcome to our end-of-the-summer meeting. We will now tell everyone what each of us did during the summer. I will go first. I spent the whole summer on a beach in Aruba, working on my tan. It didn't work very well because I forgot my sunscreen.

McGonagall: I spent the summer working as a supermodel in France.

Other Teachers: (stare)

McGonagall: I glamoured myself to look younger and it paid quite well.

Snape: As for me, I toured muggle Europe and visited many museums. My personal favorite was the National Toilet Museum of Germany (A/N: I have no idea if this actually exists. I just made it up in my brain).

Other Teachers: (snort and laugh)

Snape: (glares)

Flitwick: I got a part in a play called Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory as an oompa-loompa. It was quite fun singing and dancing all over the stage, especially because no one judged me because of my height.

Lupin: I took a job in a meat market. They let me have all the raw meat I wanted. It was quite helpful, especially on full moons.

Sinistra: (wearing an I Love NY shirt) I went to New York. I went to almost every Broadway play and went in almost every shop.

Hooch: I was an airplane attendant so that I could explore muggle ways of flying. I think it's way too boring. You don't even get to feel the wind rushing past your face.

Trelawney: I opened up a brat stand outside of a grocery store and became a brat hustler. (A/N: for those of you who don't know, a brat is kinda like Polish Sausage only better. It's a Wisconsin thing. Kinda like bubblers.)

Lockhart: I went to a monastery in Tibet and became one with myself and my surroundings.

Teachers: (laugh and snort)

Binns: (turns real when he glides through the wall and dies)

Firenze: I worked at a carnival as a tattoo artist. I even gave myself one. (shows everyone a heart tattoo with the words I love Trelawney inside)

Trelawney: (blushes)

Hagrid: I got to be an African safari guide! I led the muggles around to see all sorts of animals like lions and hyenas.

Quirrel: I acted as a zombie in a haunted house. I was kicked out when my wraps came undone because I actually do have rotting flesh.

Moody: I worked as a preschool supervisor at a day care. For some reason, I scared the living shit out of the kids. The only good thing was that I could tell which kids were eating paste.

Sprout: I decided to be adventurous and became an extreme bungee jumping instructor. It scared the living daylights out of me at first, but after a while it became fun.

Filch: I opened up an adoption center for abandoned cats. If someone didn't adopt a cat within 10 days, I would fry it and sell the meat.

Mrs. Norris: (with Filch translating) I was the anime superstar Pen Pen. It was fun because I got to drink beer and be a penguin.

Voldemort: (pops in)

Teachers: (scream in terror and run away)

Voldemort: Don't leave! All I want to do is hug everyone and have world peace!

A/N: can't you see how bored I truly was? Please review!

FYI: bubbler is a Wisconsin word for water/drinking fountain