Alexandros' Lament
(Elizabeth C. Owens 2005)
I. Alexandros' Lament upon the Death of Hephaistion
Say you I am bewilderment itself without him?
You speak well friends, for my mind lies troubled and
Grieves as my heart that takes my very wish for breath
Away to where Hephaistion resides.
Seek you Alexandros?
Then do no more, at least not in day's cooling glade
For he has gone to seek the Ferryman.
How could I, his avowed love, who together in our happy
Youth upon Herakles shrine swore fidelity forget him as
He lay abed with still the hand of fever upon his fine brow?
To him I should have clung until I knew him safe and free
From Charon's grasp.
I chastise myself and beg the Furies take my mind for
He has truly taken my Psyche with him; even now it crosses
The Styx with the Ferryman behind him.
My visage, I hide lest he should turn, perhaps thinking
He hears my tears.
As Orpheus I will seek him, but alone, stripped of
Orpheus' harp or the Gods pity to guide me.
Would that I could offer as penance myself in his stead.
I would stay all the days of my life in joyous weeping
Knowing Hephaistion lives still,
Laughs again,
Walks upon the earth,
Seeks Persephone's hand
And sings the battle paean to the God.
Would that I could.
Can you not hear me Gods?
Can you not see inside the writhing of my Soul
As it seeks its way alone without him?
Grant me anguish the rest of my days,
But allow my eyes the smallest glimpse
Of his far shinning face and I will die a happy man.
II. In a Dream Alexandros' Meets Hephaistion's Shade
For mine eyes entrapped and betrayed me to call out his name.
His Shade, solemn and pallid, yet still the beauty of Apollo
Lay upon him approached me, hands out entreating whereby
Had I wronged him?
"For you came not soon enough," he cried to me.
Despair became my blood and choked my heart and
Grief overtook my vision.
"To my everlasting shame, dearest friend, love,
I sought your Psyche before you could pass to Elysium
But you had surpassed me, leaving me to lie across your
Body hoping my voice would call you back."
He turned and fair he was even as Charon led him from me.
"My friend, Soul's Eros," I entreated, begged and implored,
"Can I not join you?"
My heart, ashen as his Shade, garnered strength
For its final remembrance when he turned back to face me,
And drew upon those lips I knew so well the gentlest of smiles,
"Soon, Alexandros, soon."
III. Thanatos Alexandros
I rise in confusion to hear the Ferryman nearby.
How did I come to this place?
Lastly do I remember the sound of a great ocean of
Lamentation rising and falling upon my ears.
And saw the temple fires unlit saying with that sign
The God had passed away.
Then a great plague of battle spread about me,
The clash of drawn swords and bitter words broke
From the lips of those who had called one another friend.
I heard the Earth's cries as this fire spread upon the land
And smoked the breath from all my children.
I strove to rise up and gather my arms and aid them,
But some God's arm held me fast as the Earth shook from
Egypt to Babylon to Macedon and Ares encircled the world.
Then all was quiet and I heard the rush and spill of water
Lapping at my feet and smelled the brine of salty cave walls
As I followed to the Ferryman.
My hand shakes before me wan and unadorned
Something is forgot there.
My brow creased with thought, but Athene has taken her gifts
And Lethe's water's surround me.
I feel myself over, am still yet tremble.
My lungs move not yet my feet seek steps toward
A destination and I unknowing of it follow.
Through the rivers of woe, lamentation and fire
Do I pass.
Confusion, consternation my closest companion
Offer no consolation.
No answer is drawn from that dark column of dimmest light
That surroundeth me.
Then presently a little
There came before me a Shade,
A Phantom of great grace and beauty.
I knew him not at first
For I knew not I had perished.
And sought Far-Reaching Apollo
For wisdom to my single discourse.
"Divine Phoebus," I beseeched the God
"Do I sail with the Ferryman?
For methinks I hear his oars strike the
Dark waters of the Styx."
Then the shadowed gaze of the Ferryman caught mine
In answer and I sought of him,
"What awaits me?
Hephaestus forge or Elysium's happy glades?
I feareth no man, but to the Gods I know
I must answer for my deeds."
Then the Shade drew nearer and
Those lovely eyes I knew in some part of me,
But I could not recall to myself his memory.
He stood before me
All the adornments of Adonis
On his shining person.
The jewels of Persephone's casket,
Roses, lilies and sweet hyacinth and
Demeter's gold spun wheat shone upon his hair.
There I did address him,
"Good Phantom,
I curse myself most bitterly
For though my eyes cry out their
Memory, my Soul does not.
Tell me in what land did we meet?
Were we father, brother, lover, friend?
Did I love, betray or slay thee?
Did we spend out days in happiness?
Or did I some grievous wrong of
So great a harm that my Soul
Has been forever denied its sight?"
I implored Apollo again
The gift of memory
That with grey-eyed Athene had fled.
I grew quieter sill
For wandering alone
Along Hades long and high walled gates
I recalled the great and ruined plain of Troy
And its sad-eyed dead.
Did I fall there?
Upon those ancient sands
Slain by some great foe?
Other lands came before me
Dusted in clouds of hidden time
Great battles borne of raging foe
And throngs of men, women, children
Lay dying, weeping
Calling out for lovers, mothers, fathers,
Their children's name, begging for remembrance.
I watched my hands, thrust another man through,
The spear clutched crimson with his life, and
Heard his mother and sister and friends lament
Such misfortune.
I am the most wretched among men.
I knew this carnage mine.
I saw carrion pluck at hearts and limbs,
And saw the valiant dead
stripped like dead trees for firewood
denied their rights, called out to me
for appeasement and prayers.
Mutely I stood punished
I knew this carnage mine.
My head hung heavy upon my breast
And my eyes welled hotly
'Come, Sorrow, speak thy name.
For surely Tartarus is where I am bound.'
Yet still I stood at Hades unhappy gates
And beat my empty breast, confusion
Astir within me.
The Shade spoken gently then,
Reaching out his hand to me.
"Does thou not recall they dream of me?" he cried softly.
Answered, "I remember nothing of before only
The Ferryman's brushing oar through the Styx waters
That spun around as the great riddle in my head does spin
Beguiling me of who I am and who thou be."
The mystery of answer drew upon his lips and
My heart did then melt into the many arms fires
of Aphrodite, which I had forgot as he addressed me.
"Becalm thyself, Alexandros, for thou has slumbered a
Long, deep sweet and soundless sleep, and now is time
To waken."
At his words Phobos swept upon me,
"Thou calls me Alexandros, but Alexandros is unknown to me.
If this be so then Thanatos did come for me."
I drew away from him unwilling to bear this knowledge and
Wandered alone over vales of pale beauty.
"Child, wipe thy tears," the voice turned me.
"The duty of Kings is never easy and
you a child of Achilles house, a swift runner had shot like
a flaming star from your Father's bow out upon the world
And it shook under your hand.
But now the crown is replaced with a gentler garland."
And then greatly solemn of regal, yet tragic mien
a Shade, of greatest stature, his robes adorned still
with jewels of every gleam that held the rich scent
of myrrh, cassia and sandalwood upon his person,
showed himself to me.
"Thou Phantom, I do know!" I cried aloud
"Thou were my greatest foe, Great King Darius."
We fell to one another a weeping, I joyful to see him
at peace restored to his beauty and he glad, he said
that now we could seek out one another as friend, not
rivaling foe.
I gazed about me and saw then Shades of others gathered
before me.
With cries and paeans of elation they sought me with hands
that fell upon my person with joy, calling me still
dearest to them, their basiliskos, and wished joy to me.
Then by and by more I knew, spry and hardy, Lysimachus,
My Phoenix and he brought me before my dear father,
Phillip Peleus.
'Now," I thought shedding happy tears, 'Such promise is fulfilled.'
When I felt my father's strong arms about me,
Holding me as he had when I was a child at his
Feet, playing at Ares games and dreaming of answering
Achilles and Herakles' immortal call.
IV. Alexandros' is Reunited with Hephaistion
There, among friends, and comrades dear
my Soul still yearned and I cast my eyes about seeking
that one Shade whose shining form recalled to me a great
loss that though I stood in my father's embrace,
I cried as though I were cast forever into darkness.
There, little by little, I came back to myself
Discontently still, for though I tried I could not
Recall the Shade who most radiant stood before me.
I began to rend my garments in anguish when a hand stilled me,
Then as I sought the light in his eyes,
with such a gentle sweetness my breast he pressed with his hand
And there flew such a myriad of memory that I was confounded
And struck with such grief and elation that I fell upon his
Neck and pressed my hands upon him.
And then my eyes remembered it all.
And clasping him to me my heart replied in ecstasy,
"Thou are my Hephaistion, the flame
That lights my Soul!"
To which he cried in joyfulness,
"Thou has at last come to me Alexandros!"
Held fast in his embrace our tears mingled
And brought forth beneath our feet
flowers of violet that threw forth vines
that followed us with the joy of
our rejoicing evermore.
Finis
