Ed's Game Room
The Eds play Super Mario Galaxy 2 [Part One]
Written by thebestkindofstupid/Reginald Konga
Author's Notes: Yep, I bet you didn't expect this to be my next project. In all honesty, though, this story wasn't originally intended to be taken seriously. It was just meant for good fun without worrying about having a storyline or a serious plot. However, I've had so much fun with it, I'd like to make it a regular.
This story introduces a character named Dave. I kind of picture him as looking a bit like a young Craig McCracken. I don't know why; it's completely random. Personality-wise, he's supposed to represent the gaming side of me. Maybe you'll see what i mean as time goes on because I don't feel it's appropriate to tell you about a character instead of showing you the character.
I'll be releasing these stories episodically like a real playthrough. So you might get two chapters of Super Mario Galaxy 2 then three chapters of Pokémon Blue Version then a chapter of Crash Bandicoot 2 Cortex Strikes Back. I do not want to take this route with NEW Grim Edventures because I might run into a plot hole. With a story like this, I shouldn't have to worry about that. Also, let me know in the reviews if you'd prefer to keep all of the Eds' playthroughs in one story or if I should split them up into different stories. Ultimately it's my decision, but I'd still like to hear what other people think.
Story thus far: Eddy discovered that one can make video walkthroughs or "Let's Plays" and that you can make a cash through ad revenue. Dave's there too… for some reason.
Eddy: Hello, pigeons, it's me, Eddy—your suave and good-looking host. Joining me today are Double D…
Double D: Salutations. My name is Eddward, but you can call me Double D.
Eddy: Ed
Ed: Howdy ho, surf potatoes.
Eddy: Ed, I don't know—You know what? Never mind. Let's move on to our special guest. He's not from the original show. You're all going to hate him and call him a Mary-Sue. Please welcome, Dave.
Dave: Hi, I'm Dave. I'm the gaming expert around here. These other guys are just bozos. I've beaten this game, but not the 100%. I've only ever gotten 93 stars on the first Galaxy game and 86—I think—on this one.
Eddy: That's right, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we're going to play Super Mario Galaxy 2 for the Nintendo Wii. Hey, Sockhead, can you imagine the conversation between the employees who named this thing?
Double D: Everyone in the world has already made that joke, Eddy.
Ed: Want a pickle?
Eddy: Shut it, Ed! So, yeah, I've made my save file here with a my Mii or whatever the heck they're called. Now let's play.
[Eddy starts up the game and sees the opening storybook cutscene]
Eddy: What's this stuff?! I wanted a game, not a stupid coloring book.
Double D: You know, Eddy, some people would really like to know our thoughts on the story to this game.
Dave: I personally thought the idea of the comet returning was a bit odd since it shouldn't happen again for a good—
Eddy: Forget that! We're skipping this stuff.
[Eddy starts to mash the A button until he gets to the gameplay. Mario jumps out of a warp pipe and enters a 2D level before the actual game starts.]
Eddy: Ah, here we go. Wait a minute! What the heck?! Why is everything in 2D?! I thought this game was three-dimensional. This is just another one of those New Super Mario Bros. games. Why the heck can't I spin?! Is my Controller broken?
Dave: Your Wii Remote is fine, Eddy. This game doesn't give you the spin until you make it halfway through the tutorial.
Eddy: That's stupid!
Ed: Wait a minute. Are we playing a math game?
Eddy: What?
Ed: You said tutor-ay-el.
Double D: No, Ed, the tutorial just teaches you how to play the game; although, games in the 1980s and early 1990s did not come with tutorials. They did come with detailed instructions manuals, which were often the only source for the story of the game. You see, there's actually a debate among gamers as to whether games actually need—
Eddy: Shut it, sockhead! I've already gotten the spin ability while you were talking.
Double D: [Angry] Hmm.
[Time lapse]
[Mario nears Princess Peach's castle.]
Eddy: Okay, I've made it to the castle. Sheesh, what's up with that music. What is this the final—Oh, my gosh! Is that Bowser?! How'd he get so big?!
Dave: That's the plot of the game, dude.
Eddy: Was that in the cutscene I skipped.
Dave: No.
Eddy: Then, why even have the cutscene if the plot isn't in it?!
Dave: It's called pacing. You really should do some––
Eddy: Yawn!
[Time Lapse]
[A purple star-shaped alien named Lubba offers to make Mario the captain of the ship, which is an extremely small planetoid, until they rescue Princess Peach and retrieve the ship's Power Star fuel supply.]
Eddy: Oh, what the heck?! I can't say "no"?!
Double D: Oh, so now you read them.
Eddy: Hey, Dave, why can't I say "no"?
Dave: [Snappy] Um, because there wouldn't be a game.
Eddy: Sheesh! No reason to be so pushy.
[Eddy selects the "Yes" option over the "You're Right" option]
Eddy: What the heck?! This ship looks more like Luigi than Mario.
Dave: Did you even look at the cover of this game?
Ed: Even I knew that, Eddy.
Eddy: Whatever.
[Time Lapse]
[Double D is now playing. The lumas––the star-shaped aliens––are giving Mario advice on how to play the game.]
Eddy: Do these guys have anything meaningful to say?
Dave: No.
Eddy: What the—?! Then, why aren't we playing the actual game then?! Gosh.
Dave: Well, some of the other characters who board the ship later will give you an extra life, but it's incredibly easy to get 99 lives if you've played this game before, like I have.
Eddy: Gosh. Let's just move on to the actual game.
[Time lapse]
[Eddy is now playing]
Eddy: What the heck?! Where's Yoshi. I thought I'd be riding Yoshi in this game.
Dave: He's only in certain levels.
Ed: Why?
Dave: Because the game designers probably didn't want to get too far away from what made the original Galaxy such a success.
Ed: Why?
Eddy: Hey, Ed. [Hits him over the head with the other Wii Remote]
Ed: Didn't see that coming. Ahehehe.
Eddy: EERRG!
[Time lapse]
[Mario is now reading a sign with a message from Yoshi]
Eddy:Oh, what a tease! A letter from Yoshi?!
Double D: (Sarcasm) Yes, Eddy, let's dismiss the whole game as bad because a green dinosaur is absent from much of it. Let's completely ignore the fact that Nintendo never promised––(Sarcasm ends)
Eddy: Do you want your share of the YouTube money or not.
Double D: Well, I suppose I––
Eddy: Then shut up!
[Time lapse]
[Mario has now gotten to the cylindrical platforming section, where the player must walk on top of large slabs of rock, which revolve around the platform. If the player falls down, they'll be sucked into a black hole.]
Dave: You know, you're doing well for someone who just picked up video games. Most people would die at this point.
[Mario falls into the black hole and loses an extra life]
Dave: Aaaand, it starts.
Eddy: Shut up. I was just using the wrong technique. Slight adjustment and…
[Mario falls into the black hole again]
Ed: Way to lose, Eddy!
Double D: Why are these black holes so small?
Dave: You honestly expected realistic physics in a game franchise where fire exists underwater. Sheesh! Do some actual thinking, man. [Now apologetic] You know what? That was a little rude; I went too far with my Internet personality. I apologize.
Double D: Apology accepted.
[Eddy dies again.]
Dave: You're really doing bad at this part.
Eddy: Shut up!
[Time lapse]
[Mario is shot from one of the star cannons and lands on a giant egg.]
Eddy: Dude, seriously, what the heck?!
Dave: What?
Eddy: I knew you were going to be beating up an infant for the first boss of the first game, but this… [Mario spins into the piece of the egg left on the creature's bottom.] Look at this! I feel like I'm hitting its diaper or something. If this wasn't the first boss, I'd hand the controllers over to Double D.
[Time lapse]
[Mario has returned to the Starship Mario with a power star.]
Eddy: Oh, gosh, I'm not wasting any more time here. I'm going back to the game.
[Mario can now head to the Yoshi Star galaxy on the "World Map"]
Eddy: Well, that first level had me battling an infant, so I think I'll take my chance with this one.
[Mario is shot into the Yoshi Star Galaxy.]
Eddy: So, uhh, how do I get infinite lives in this game, like you said.
Dave: You mean max out on lives?
[Eddy selects the first mission for the galaxy]
Dave: Well, there are extra lives everywhere, but it's easiest on Starship Mario.
Eddy: What?! I just left there. You could've told me that earlier.
Dave: Well––
Eddy: Don't give me that, "You never asked" excuse either. I mean––
Dave: I wasn't going to use that excuse. Listen, this is the level with Yoshi. Aren't you happy about that?
Eddy: Dude, just stop talking.
Dave: [Sighs]
[Time lapse]
[Mario jumps on the Yoshi egg, triggering an in-game cutscene. Yoshi hatches from the egg as though Mario span into it. Yoshi goes flying into the air and lands.]
Dave: Congratulations, you can now play as Yoshi.
Eddy: (Sarcasm) Really? Are you sure I don't have to spend another forty-five minutes in this level before I can play as Yoshi. That'd make sense to me. (Sarcasm Ends)
[Time lapse]
[The Lakitu––the enemy turtle that floats on a cloud on drops spikey-shelled turtles known as spinnies––regenerates]
Eddy: Okay, Dave, I give up. How do I kill these guys for good?
Dave: You don't.
Eddy: What do you mean?! I thought I had to kill all the enemies to leave this room––err, planet.
Dave: No, that's a different cliché in video games. You see, you just have to––
Eddy: What the heck?! I've been killing these things for no reason.
Dave: Well, yeah. In truth, I just wanted to see if you could figure it out, but you didn't.
Eddy: ERRGH!
[Time Lapse]
[Mario spins on a strange platform on the ground. It teleports him to a part of the level with several different enemies. This time, they're the Octoombas, the Goomba wannabes that spit rocks at Mario.]
Dave: [With a sense of worry] Oh, gosh, you gotta kill them all.
Eddy: Starting now?
Dave: Yes, you have to kill them all in like ten seconds.
[As Yoshi picks up an Octoomba with his tongue and eats it, he gets hit with a projectile from the enemy he was eating. Mario is knocked off the cliff and loses a life.]
Eddy: (Sarcasm) Some bonus level. (Sarcasm ends)
Double D: (More sarcasm) Oh, sure, blame the game. (Sarcasm ends)
Dave: Despite popular belief, it actually is possible for a game to be at fault for you dying. I just wanted to throw that out there.
[Time Lapse]
[Mario is trying to use Yoshi's flutter jump to get on top of a large rock resembling a bone. There are no platforms nearby, and the only incentive to get on the bone-shaped rock is a single gold coin.]
Dave: Dude, just move on.
Eddy: No, I want the coin.
Dave: Forget the coin, you've been trying this way too long.
Eddy: It's been, like, forty seconds.
[Mario gets on the platform but slides off]
Eddy: Oh, come on.
Dave: Gosh, this is taking forever. I can't believe you want it that badly.
[Mario gets the coin.]
Dave: Finally.
[Time lapse]
[Mario has made it to what the Mario Wiki calls the Fossil Planet.]
Eddy: Did you see that?! I took that Mushroom guy's wings with Yoshi's tongue, and it just walked off the platform.
Dave: Yeah, [pause] that happens.
[Time Lapse]
[Yoshi continually hits the spider with his tongue, but it doesn't make contact with Yoshi's body, meaning it doesn't die.]
Dave: Dude, seriously?
Eddy: What?
Dave: This game.
[Time lapse]
[After getting a message about the Starship Mario being capable of moving forward, Eddy goes to the part of the World Map with the star, but Lubba interrupts saying they don't have enough Power Stars.]
Eddy: Oh, what the––? You told me about being able to go forward. Dave, the game told me I could "advance."
Dave: I'm with you here. It shouldn't have told you it could advance, if you don't have enough Star Power––err, Power Stars.
Ed: When do we get to the level where the concrete people demand more respect, so you have to beat up their king?
Double D: What the––?!
Dave: That's not 'til Throwback Galaxy towards the end of the game.
Eddy: Wait, that's a real thing?
Dave: Yes, and it was originally in Super Mario 64.
Eddy: That's so lame!
Dave: It's one of the most beloved missions in the game, dude!
Eddy: (Sarcasm) Yeah, right. Like people would actually like that. (Sarcasm ends)
[Time lapse]
[Mario is riding Yoshi. He uses Yoshi's tongue to flip himself up onto the platform. The boss, who's a large Lakitu, shows up and starts attacking with spinnies.]
Double D: I know this may sound a bit immature, but for some reason, I feel like this boss was made to ridicule someone.
Dave: Funny. I thought I was the only one who felt that way.
[Time lapse]
Dave: I can't believe you've lost two lives on this boss.
Eddy: Shut up. It's hard.
Dave: (Playfully mocking) You should see the "Luigi's Purple Coins" mission.
[Mario gets hit and is knocked off Yoshi, now having only one block on his life meter left.]
Eddy: (Angry) Look what you made me do!
Double D: I take it back, Eddy. It's not the game's fault. It's you.
[Eddy pauses the game.]
Eddy: You try it then.
[Double D adjusts the Wii Remote's wrist strap and easily defeats the boss.]
Eddy: I weakened it for you.
Double D: (Sarcasm) Yeah, right. (Sarcasm ends)
To be continued...
Author's Notes: i was originally going to divide the first two "worlds" of this game into two parts (not necessarily one Grand Star per chapter), but I wanted to release this story now. Also, it's thirty-four pages between the two chapters.
For more information about this series you can Private Message me here on fanfiction dot net. Additionally, you can check page 730 onwards on the "Count to 30,000" thread under the "Fun Threads, Games n Stuff" forum on the Earth 2 Edd forums, where I am known as "Edd Shwartz." You should also check out the Ed's Game Room section under the "Eds Fan Fiction" forum on Earth 2 Edd.
