A/N: I'MMM BAAAACK! It's been a long time, but I'm back and attempting my 'sophmore' fic! This has just been pouring out of me lately so I have several chapters done. Let me know if you like it.
LIFE CAN GO ON
Chapter 1:
I pulled up to Gran's house, as I always do after work. I wiped the tears from my eyes and tried to pull myself together before going inside. I know she'll know I've been crying, but maybe she won't say anything. She knows how hard things are right now. I was fine till I heard that damn song on the radio. 'Why today of all days? Like today isn't hard enough already….ok Sookie, pull it together.' I knew I had 3 very good reasons inside to get myself together, but I couldn't seem to do it today…..instead my mind went back to one year ago, despite how much I tried to fight it.
Flashback:
I was in the kitchen fixing spaghetti….Sam's favorite. He had called about half an hour earlier to say he was held up at work and would be home as soon as he could. The kids were doing their usual evening activities……Bo was working on his homework, he was so proud to be in kindergarten and finally going to school all day like a big boy. Riley was into everything and making it hard for me to get supper ready…the terrible twos had definitely hit our house with a vengance! Emily was taking her early evening nap in her swing. I was praying she would sleep all night tonight….sleep depravation had been a permanent predicament in our house for 3 months now.
I had just put the bread in the oven, signed Bo's homework sheet for him, grabbed the TV remote from Riley for the 3rd time, and checked on Emily when the doorbell rang. I bounced over to the door, figuring it was Sam with his hands full again. It wasn't Sam.
"Mrs. Merlotte?" It was a police officer…or probably a detective since he was wearing regular clothes rather than a uniform. But he was wearing a badge.
"Yes, can I help you?" I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach.
"My name is Detective Andy Bellfleur….I'm sorry to have to come here like this Mrs. Merlotte. There's been an accident involving your husband."
"Oh my god, is Sam ok? Where is he?" I could feel the tears building up.
I saw it on his face before he said the words. "I'm so sorry Mrs. Merlotte…your husband didn't make it."
I backed away from the door, shaking my head as the tears began to flow. "N…No, you must be mistaken Detective…he just called…he said he was running a little late and would be home as soon as he could…"
"I'm very sorry…it was a drunk driver…is there someone I can call for you?"
I put my hand over my heart as I sank to the floor, realizing my Sam was gone. I couldn't think…Bo came to the door to tell me the oven was ringing. I jumped up and ran to the kitchen. I wasn't ready for him to see my face. The detective followed me.
"Mrs. Merlotte, I will be glad to call someone for you…" I knew he was trying his best to help me. I nodded and said "neighbor…Amelia" as I pointed towards the left. He nodded and left my kitchen quickly.
A few minutes later my best friend and neighbor, Amelia, came running into my kitchen and wrapped me in her arms as I lost it. She whispered that Quinn, her husband, was with my kids. I don't know how long I cried. Amelia just held me, stroked my hair, and cried with me. Once I finally stopped I mumbled something about supper and Amelia just said that Quinn had taken the boys to McDonald's. I nodded and knew he was giving me some time.
I heard Emily crying and went to check on her while Amelia put the spaghetti and bread away for me. I had lost my appetite. I picked my daughter up and a fresh wave of tears took me over as I realized that she would never remember her father…Riley wouldn't either…would Bo?
*end of flashback*
That was one year ago today. Becoming a single mother of 3 had been very hard. I never would've made it through without Gran, Amelia, Quinn, and my brother, Jason. They all helped me as much as they could. I'd been fighting these memories all day but one song and I crumbled.
'I don't wanna close my eyes,
I don't wanna fall asleep,
Cause I'd miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing,
Cause even when I dream of you,
The sweetest dream would never do,
I'd still miss you babe,
And I don't wanna miss a thing.'
This had been our song. It's not played on the radio that often these days…why did I have to hear it? I couldn't take it anymore and turned the car off. 'Time to pull it together Sookie.'
I wiped my eyes and tried to hide the evidence that I'd been crying. As I got out of the car I saw Bo standing at the door waiting on me. He looked very sad. I knew he'd seen me crying in the car. Over the last year, he had tried to be such a little man. He told me, more than once, that he was going to take care of me since Daddy couldn't. I went inside and took him in my arms.
"I love you Mommy."
I sighed, "I love you too baby." Looking at him, I see Sam. He looks just like his father. He tries to make sure I'm always happy…just like his father. Bo is definitely Sam made over.
"Are you ok now Mommy?"
I smiled as I fought back tears again. "Yes baby, I'm all better now." He smiled and started telling me about his day at school and how Austin had gotten in trouble for pushing some kid down. (Austin is the class bully and though Bo is twice as big and could definitely take him, he generally stays out of it unless Austin messes with him or with his 'girlfriend', Frannie. Frannie also happens to be Amelia and Quinn's daughter.) I chuckled as I thought about my 6 year old kicking ass.
"So, where's Gran and your brother and sister?"
"They're in here, but be quiet…Gran fell asleep with Emily and Riley is asleep on the couch." He just grinned. All I could think was how I'd be up half the night since the little ones took a late nap.
When I entered the family room, Gran was just waking up and Riley was playing with his blanket. Emily was still asleep. Riley saw me walk in and gave me his sweet grin as he held his little arms up for me to get him. Riley doesn't look like Sam at all. He looks a little like me, but in all honesty he is my dad made over. Gran has always said it's fitting that he carries my dad's name since he looks just like him. (We gave him my dad's middle name as his middle name. Jason wanted to use dad's first name if he ever has a son.)
"Hey Gran," I said as I walked over and took Emily from her lap. "How did it go today?"
"Oh, it went fine. These kids are just wonderful. How are you holding up?"
"I'm ok. It's been a hard day, but I'm ok." Gran knows me very well so she knew that I just didn't want to talk about it.
I gathered the kids up and we headed home. I was so wiped out from the emotions of the day that I just stopped on the way and grabbed a pizza.
That night, I had a dream about Sam. I've had many of them since his death, some good, some really bad. But this one was very different.
I noticed I was sitting on our sofa…the one I'd gotten rid of after Sam died. I couldn't handle looking at it because he used to love to lay on it in the evenings. Why was I sitting on it?
"Because we gotta talk honey." I looked up and saw Sam. He walked over and joined me on the sofa. I launched myself into his arms and just cried for a few moments while he stroked my hair.
"I've missed you so much Sam. Is this real?"
"Kinda…I needed to talk to you."
I nodded and he continued. "Honey, I know how hard things have been on you. I've been watching over all of you and I'm so sorry this happened."
I broke down. "Oh Sam, we miss you so much. Why did this have to happen? We need you."
"I know honey, but it was just my time. I need to prepare you for some stuff Sookie. I can't tell you details, but Gran doesn't have much longer. I know how much you depend on her, especially since I've been gone. I couldn't let it shock you like my death did."
"Oh my god…not Gran too! I can't handle this Sam! I was approaching a break down.
Sam made me look at him. "Yes, you can Sookie because you won't be alone."
I looked at him through my tears and he could tell I was confused. "And no, I'm not talking about Amelia, Quinn, or even Jason. It's time for you to open yourself up again honey."
"I don't understand."
"It's time for you to find love again."
"Oh…I can't do that Sam. Not after what we had and then losing you. I can't go through that again and I know our kids can't either."
"You won't Sookie, I promise."
"I can't…we…I just can't Sam."
"Yes you can Sookie. I know how much you love me, but I'm gone. I don't want you to live the rest of your life thinking you have to stay true to me. I love you honey and I want you to move forward with your life. I want you to find happiness and love. You CAN do this. You need to do this…for our kids and yourself. They need a father and you need someone too. You've been alone long enough. You have so much love inside you and its time for you to share that with someone."
"Even if you're right, finding someone would be so damn hard. I don't want a string of guys that just break my heart and our children's. We can't do that and I don't want to deal with all that crap."
Sam chuckled, "You are so spirited Sookie. You're right…finding someone won't be a piece of cake. But I've sort of tweaked the circumstances a little bit because of the kids and what's going to happen with Gran."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I've been looking and I've found the man who really is your other half. We were great together Sookie, but everything happens for a reason. He is who you are suppose to be with…I know it. He will be entering your life very soon but he will be as stubborn as you will be for a while. He has also had a very tough time of things lately and wants to protect himself, just as you want to protect yourself and our kids."
"Who is he? How will I know him?"
"I can't tell you that honey. You have to make the choice to be with him or not yourself. There will be other men interested in you as well but you have to make the choice. All I could do was make sure you meet him. I've told you all I can honey. I know you though and I'm confident you will make the right choice. Just please be brave enough to do it. Remember that I love you and the children, very much. But it is time for you all to move forward."
He took me in his arms one last time and kissed me. When he broke the kiss, I held onto him so tight. "I love you Sam."
He tilted my face up to his, kissed my nose like he always used to, and said "I love you too Sookie, always, but please go be happy."
I woke up when I heard Travis Tritt's 'It's a great day to be alive' on the radio. The irony wasn't lost on me. I didn't remember setting the alarm last night, but I did remember my dream. I noticed my pillow was soaked with my tears. I took a deep breath and realized that I felt different. Was that real?
I was still trying to decide when I heard Bo come in my room. I looked over at him and saw he had tears coming down his face. I pulled my covers back so he could climb in bed with me.
"What's wrong baby?"
"I had a dream…about Daddy."
I gasped but collected myself quickly. "Do you want to tell me about it?" He nodded his head.
"We were talking about stuff. He told me that he was proud of me and the way I've been taking care of you, and Riley and Emily. He said that it was a man's job though, too big for just me to handle. He told me that we were going to be getting a new Daddy soon and that he would be great. I told him that I didn't want a new Daddy, I wanted him back. He hugged me and told me he loved me but he couldn't be with me. He told me to give this new guy a chance because he would make all of us very happy and we would make him happy too."
'.God. My dream had to have been real! This is too much of a coincidence.' I took Bo into my arms and kissed his head.
"I had a dream about Daddy too sweetie. He told me about this new man. He told me it was time for us to move on with our lives and find some happiness. Do you think it's time?"
He thought for a minute, then looked up at me. "You know what Mommy…I think it is. I think Daddy was trying to help us know it was ok. What do you think? I don't like it when you're sad."
I couldn't help but smile. "I think you're right baby. I think Daddy wants us to be happy." Bo smiled at me and I could only see Sam's smile. Then he bounded off my bed to go watch cartoons. I got up and took care of my morning needs before getting dressed. As I pulled my hair up into a simple pony tail, I looked at the woman looking back at me in the mirror. "The question is…can I really do this?"
The woman in the mirror didn't have an answer to that either.
