Sept 4

i remember how i used to keep a diary. all my frustrations, angers, expressions, were all written down in that simple notebook. thinking of that, i wonder why i even decided to drop that habit.... my training just had to get in the way i guess.... now i'm (probably) back to updating again, i can think of many ways how i've noticed time pass. looking back, i've noticed how little i've changed. sure, i grew my hair. sure, i grew taller and started.... uhm.... developing. (if you know what i mean) but, as much as i know, i'm still very disappointed in myself. i still feel so darn insecure, so darn quiet, so darn unable to say what i really need to! probably except to myself, and in this notebook. in here, i feel like i can write everything down, and i wouldn't have to please anyone. yes, not even myself.

okay, before i start crying again, i guess i should stop focusing on all the bad stuff now. it's hard not to do that, but i might as well do.... papa or Neji might think i must be in one of my "weakling moods" again or something....

i don't know why i'm still in love with him. i should have left him behind, a schoolgirl crush, part of my past. but why haven't i gotten over him yet? and why can i still not tell him ANYTHING i want to say?? is it because of me? or him? i don't know anymore... he obviously doesn't see me the way i see him. he just probably thinks i'm just another girl who happens to be really shy around him and stuttery, no big deal. oh, and i bet he also finds me extra weird by knowing the fact that i'm one of the only girls around here who DON'T fancy Uchiha Sasuke. frankly, the only thing i don't like about him is the fact that he can't see.... me. the real me. what i really feel...

it's hard not to think about him. his can-do attitude, his blue eyes, his kind smile, and the way he never fails to make me laugh. sure, we've sort-of become friends now, but still.... he just seems so unattainable. it's like, i can never even imagine him and me. i can't even say it out loud. it sounds too impossible. i can easily imagine him dating someone like Sakura Haruno or someone else like that. but me? if ever that happens.... it would probably be one of the best dreams of my life i wouldn't want to wake up from.... that's what i don't like about dreams.... they end so soon.

later on, i'm actually supposed to take a walk with him again... we always do that every weekend. it's the usual friendly-friend walking not the dating-type walking... but i always always hope that this time might be a little different.... just a little....

well, i better start training now. papa says i'm improving, so he doesn't see why i shouldn't constantly keep on training with Neji.... but before i go, i'll write the chorus to one of my favorite songs right now. (which i can actually relate to.)

till next time,

hinata hyuga.

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

Standing by or waiting at your back door
All this time how could you not know baby
You belong with me
You belong with me