Title: Unheralded
Author: Alice J. Foster (a.k.a. shipperfey)

Summary: Bill's day is definitely not going as he expected. Written for the Crack!Plot Week at the K/L Shippers Thread on Skiffy.
Spoilers: No real spoilers past Scar. Hell, no real spoilers before Scar.
Category: crack!fic.
Warnings: this is currently unbeta-ed. Also, there is a chance you won't giggle as much as I did writing this, but if you have a propensity to laugh at crack humor, put down any liquid beverages before starting.
Characters/Pairing: Bill/Laura, Cottle, Kara/Lee.
Rating: PG-13

Started: 1/22/2008
Finished: 1/22/2008

Thanks to: the lovely fellows at the K/L shipper thread at the Skiffy boards.

Disclaimer: Don't own the characters and situations you recognize, and I own the ones you don't.

Unheralded

Bill Adama was almost blushing as he walked into Sickbay.

Apparently he'd reached the time in his life when he needed some medical assistance in order to keep up with his sexual partner; it was depressing, infuriating and most of all embarrassing because he was an Admiral about to ask the Chief Medical Office for something no officer should ask another for. But he didn't want the President of the Colonies unsatisfied; she would probably airlock innocent civilians or even him.

He knew for a fact that a sexually frustrated Laura Roslin made Helena Cain look like a wounded puppy.

Bill was surprised when Lyra, one of the new young nurses, looked up and smiled at him. "Oh, Admiral! I didn't know they were expecting you as well! Give me one second and we'll get you back there," she said, looking extremely apologetic and dropping the mountain of charts she was carrying.

Resisting the urge to frown, Bill wondered who the frak was expecting him; he hadn't even scheduled an appointment, too embarrassed to get penciled into Cottle's busy schedule for Erectile Dysfunction.

"I'm really sorry, sir," Lyra said again as she finished picking the folders up. She was a nice kid, had transferred over from one of the civilian ships. No real training from before the end of the worlds, but she had been very attentive while he was recovering from his gunshot wounds, so Bill liked her like a daughter.

"It's no problem, Lyra," Bill said as he picked up the folders from her hands and carried them over to the nurses' station.

"Thank you, sir," she smiled back at him. "Now if you'll follow me…"

Bill did follow her, past the intensive care ward and toward an area of Sickbay he wasn't too familiar with. And then he saw stirrups attached to some medical beds, and he realized why he wasn't too familiar with the area.

"Here they are, sir," Lyra moved some curtains aside to reveal a scene Bill wasn't ready to see.

Kara was lying on a bed with her stomach exposed, while Lee sat by her side and Cottle rubbed one of those devices on her belly that had made Bill get the heeby-jeebies when his late ex-wife had been expecting, and he'd been unlucky enough not to be out on a mission.

… expecting.

"DAD?!" came Lee's surprised yelp.

Kara's eyes were as wide as Bill had ever seen them.

Cottle just sat there with a cigarette dangling from his lip, face focused on the monitor that looked like a DRADIS screen in the middle of a radioactive storm.

"You weren't expecting him?" Lyra said fretfully. "I'm sorry, he showed up, and I thought you guys had invited him to see the baby for the first time."

Bill barely had the chance to register the word 'baby' before Cottle dropped his cigarette on the ground.

The old doctor moved quickly to stomp it out, before looking up to Kara and sighing. "Make that babies."

"What do you mean, babies?!" Lee's voice was so high-pitched, it could probably have melted metal.

Bill's face contorted uncomfortably.

He'd heard the rumors post-Cain, and he knew there was a deep connection between his son and Kara, but Bill had not believed when he'd heard Felix gossiping to Dee about how the two of them were found naked on top of the Senior Pilot's Bunkroom table during the Scar incident. Bill thought it was just Felix trying to rile Dee up—those two were like brother and sister… Bill loved them like they were his own children.

"As far as I can figure, Lt. Thrace's surviving ovary was trying to overcome the loss of its twin by overproducing ova. From the looks of it, we've got three fertilized eggs. Congratulations, you're going to be a mother to triplets," Cottle said, looking none too happy. Probably because a pregnant Kara would be hell enough on the Cottle, but a pregnant Kara with triplets might be enough to get the old doctor to quit smoking.

Bill was shocked at the news that Kara was pregnant with triplets—she was like a daughter to him, which meant he was going to be like a grandfather to these kids. And then Bill's eyes shifted over to Lee and he remembered he was actually going to be a grandfather this time.

Frak.

Bill felt his forehead breaking into a sweat, and the idea of babysitting triplets suddenly made him feel nauseous.

He hoped Laura was as good with infants and she was good with school-age kids.

His day was definitely not going as planned.

All he'd wanted when he'd gotten out of Laura's bed that morning had been to get some E.D. pills, and now he was going to be a grandfather.

Then he realized if they never found Earth, at least Kara and Lee were giving him a head-start on new pilot recruits.

the end

Author's note: This ties in to my crack!plot picspam, which can be found at my LJ. Link to my LJ can be found in my bio.