It's eerie here. Up until now, I guess I haven't really noticed.

Last night, Clayton's men fed us and not long after most of the kids quickly fell asleep. I fought the Zzzz off for a while, relieved to have made it to the Sanctuary safe and sound. This place was a 5-star hotel compared to the school, but it must have been laundry day because Matt used me as a pillow. I didn't mind though; the warmth of his body, curled up under my arm, was comforting in the silence.

Today was great. And what's the word, cliché? Yeah. It's cliché but I forgot what it was like…to be a kid, to have fun. It's not like I haven't laughed in the last eight months, I did have a birthday party when I turned 17 and sometimes I'll go and play around with Matt. The Sanctuary though, they've got this huge field with soccer goals set up. I asked this morning if they wanted me to take a watch duty and they said no. Not that they had a lot of men watching the skies or roods anyway. Clayton told me to have fun, play soccer with the others kids, and give my gun a rest. Then Ben pleaded, and I caved. It's not like I always wanted my distant from Ben; when we were both younger the thought of a brother to play catch or a round a tag was awesome. He was a geek even back then though, he'd make it 5 minutes and go crawling back inside. Like they say, sometimes you don't miss someone till they're gone. I missed Ben.

Dai and Anthony are gonna be jealous when they hear how good we've been eating. I feel like a King with all the food they've prepared, way better than Pope's. They got fresh fruit and veggies to work with. I've had seconds at every meal. But the more they shove things at us, the more skeptical I've become. They don't have rations here, or century outposts, and Clayton's men have been eyeballing my rifle every time I carry it. Lourdes found that backpack and I don't know what it means, but I wish dad was here.

Matt's been a broken record asking about him. The day's just gone by so fast, it didn't hit me until I was outside after dinner, that this is the first time I've been away from him. It's weird. Before the attacks, there was school, lacrosse, even my room to separate me from dad. I saw him enough to never miss him. Now, I've been away from him one day and wish he'd hurry up and join us. We've always been close, but given everything that has happen, it's stronger. How couldn't it be?

And it's not like we friends now, not how my friend Mac and his parents were. Mac's parents were cool, they let him do what he wanted, stay out till whenever, talked to him like a grownup. Dad's never been like that, especially nowadays, but he tells me everything and for the most part, I tell him everything. I know when he's around, things are gonna be okay, and I'm safe, Matt and Ben are safe. Takes that weight off my shoulders a bit. Dad makes things normal too, crazy as that sounds. Ya know, reminding Matt it's time for bed, making sure I've cleaned my guns, or I'm on time for my posts. Parent stuff.

With this stuff Lourdes brought up, that kid's backpack she found, it makes me nervous. I don't know what it means, but dad would. I'm glad Mike's here, though. I can tell he loves Rick, like dad loves Ben. Guess that's that unconditional love Mom would always talk about… I wonder how dad is handling Weaver. I wanted to be here for Ben and Matt but I'm dad's right hand man. We're each other's best lookout. I don't trust many people to watch his back.

It's quiet here. Even with our own room in the school, three hundred people can make noise loud enough to be heard at all times. You wouldn't know thirty people lived here. I mean you can hear the crickets outside! All the kids are asleep, most on the floor, a few on the bed. It's too cramped to sleep; I probably couldn't even if I tried. I'm eating another apple; it's probably the third one today. It taste like candy! Tessa must think I'm a pig! I've been in their kitchen half the day. Dad's not here either, quietly humming from his chair. Weird, but that's soothing. It's my job tonight, rocking back and forth watching over the kids. Good thing, too, Mike's in a daze staring out the window.

"I wish you've known before-" Maybe Mike's not dazed out.