I knew I had a problem. My mom knew, my dad knew, my sister even knew. My dad just though it was nerves from what had happened last year. My mom the same. My sister though, was smarter than she seemed. We weren't close, Violet and I, I don't think we ever were. But she knew what was going on, and she never tried to stop it.
This story starts before my brother was stillborn, before my dad cheated, before any of the crap happened in Los Angeles. It started when I was younger.
I was always more shy then I was suppose to, more shy then my parents expected, more shy then Violet. I had never saw anything wrong with it, but someone always did.
Violet started to talk when she was around 11 months old. My parents thought she was a fallen Angel and I? I finally started to talk when I was around 3. Vivian and Ben weren't nearly as excited when that day came, but beggars can't be choosers right?
When Ben found out Violet started to self harm, she became even more of the center of attention. They didn't know of my scars, and even if they did I don't think they would have cared.
I was always second best when it came between Violet and I. She didn't even want their attention, she was okay living in her own world of selfpity. I-I on the other hand craved the low amount of attention I barely got, it was the only thing I had. I even dyed my hair wanting them to look at me for once. It's now a lilac shade. Of course they didn't notice, I mean why would they? I tried to not let it get in the way of my way of thinking, but second best never gets first prize.
Well except this one time.
That time was when we moved out to LA. I didn't understand why we moved, no one ever told me so I figured it wasn't my place to intrude. I mostly kept to myself during the move. There was so much tension that I couldn't deal with. I cut even more, mainly my upper arms towards my chest, no one thought of looking there, well no one would have looked in the first place.
Ben, I mean my dad had started his business as soon as we moved. It was weird knowing people with problems came into my house all day, but I had problems so I shouldn't be a hypocrite.
I was homeschooled, Ben and Vivian thought it would be a good idea to keep me here since I wasn't as advanced as Violet and they felt I would learn better by not being distracted. It was one of the only times I felt they cared.
I had walked down the hallway to go get an early lunch, well late breakfast that memorable Monday afternoon. I was wearing my pajamas, a way too big sweatshirt and a pair of short running shorts. My hair looked like death and I was still tired from just waking up. I reached the extravagant staircase and was surprised when I saw people were walking up.
A large blush spread throughout my body as I awkwardly brushed down my hair in an attempt to look nice in front of one of Ben's patients. I stepped to the side as my father and his patient came to the top step.
"Good morning Jackee." My dad said while taking in my appearance. I looked in his eyes seeing disbelief and looked to the ground. I looked back up and snuck a glance at my father's patient.
He was beautiful.
His skin was a snow white, yet his eyes were an incredibly dark brown. He had scruffy blonde hair with some curls and brown touches in it. He was tall too, well I was 5'3 so everyone was tall compared to me. He sent me a small smirk and my eyes immediately found an unknown fascination with the floor.
"Well I'll just take Tate to my office, you know where I'll be. Moira' s downstairs, just ask her to make you something."
I quietly and quickly walked down the stairs. Moira our housekeeper was tidying up the cupboards.
"Hello Moira. How are you?"She turned her head and stopped what she was doing.
"I am good Madame, is there anything you need?"
I shook my head and said, "No, that's fine. I'll just pour me some cereal."
"It's no problem Madame, is there anything specific you have in mind?"
"Waffles would be good Moira, thank you."
The weeks went by faster then I expected. Violet of course didn't fit in at her school, my mother got pregnant again, and I found an overwhelming fascination with my dad's patient Tate.
He was different then the people who usually come to see my father. He was younger, less spaced out, and he didn't seem creeped out by our dark and depressing house.
It was after a few times I accidentally bumped into Tate that I felt a change. I don't know what it was, the way he would smile or smirk at me made my day.
The main problem with my fascination was that Violet seemed to be just as in awe with the boy with problems as I was. I knew I'd have to stop listening into his conversations with Ben and "accidentally" bumping into him now that Violet had her eyes on him.
It's just I can't compete with Violet, I've never been able to. And now that we seem to both have a crush on the Curt Cobain wannabe, I know I'll have to stop.
I tried really hard but after hearing his latest conversation with Ben, I didn't know what to do.
I was walking down the hallway to my room, when I heard the most strangest thing come from Ben's office. I stopped by the door hearing Tate's sly yet humorous voice.
"So what do shrinks think when a wildly brilliant patient doesn't talk to punish said psychiatrist? I bet you think about sex."
"So Tate, do you think about sex a lot?" Ben asked Tate completely ignoring his last question.
"I think about one girl in particular, your daughter, I jerk off thinking about her. A lot." Tate's face was completely serious, only a small smirk on his face.
"I'm not comfortable with you talking about Violet like that"
"No, not Violet your other daughter Jackee. She's a virgin, they get wet so easily. You wanna know what I'd do to her? I'd lay her down on the bed, caress her soft skin, make her purr like a kitten. That lilac hair really turns me on." Tate replied, his mind drifting off to the youngest of the Harmon twin sisters.
My eyes went wide and I scurried off to my room. I didn't know he felt like that, it was a weird feeling. I don't know if I enjoy this butterfly-y feeling, it made my head hurt.
It was a joke, it had to be.
I rushed to the bathroom across from my bedroom door and lifted up the toliet seat. The sour tangy taste of throw up escaped my mouth.
I couldn't understand why I threw up. It was kinda one of those things you do but you don't know why, kinda like what I did after I brushed my teeth. The blade sliced my inner thigh, there was no more room on my upper arms so I had to move on to new territory. I had a problem, I just knew it, why would he want me?
My eyes welled up with tears and my chest started to contract uncomfortably. I bit my my sweatshirt sleeve as the pain started. It was burning white and made me regret doing it. The pain disappeared and all that was left was a bloody razor and a numb feeling in my brain.
I needed more.
As I was about to slice again a hand stopped me. I looked up with blurry eyes to see a faint pair of dark brown eyes.
"What are you doing? You're mutilating yourself." Tate's voice was filled with concern that made me want to vomit again.
I couldn't answer him, instead I whimpered into his shoulder. I felt him pick me up and place me on the closed toliet seat. I heard things being moved around and finally felt a hand on my left thigh.
"Why would you do this to yourself?"
Again I couldn't answer. I didn't know why I did that to myself, all I knew is that I'd feel the relief after the blood flowed from my body.
His large cold hands spread my legs apart, if I had not been out of it I would have blushed. He rubbed a burning liquid on the cut I had barely made not twenty minutes ago. I let out a struggled sob and bit down even harder on my sweatshirt sleeve.
Tate cooed out an 'It's gonna be alright' and I actually believed him.
After he had bandaged my thigh, he got my jeans and carried me across the hallway to my room.
I didn't know how to react in my current situation, he'd just stopped me from cutting again. How'd he know I was even doing that. Why'd he come into my bathroom? What we're you suppose to say to someone who did that? Thank you?My head throbbed even more and I felt the vile rise from my throat. As soon as he put me on my bed, I ran back to the bathroom to rid the nastiness that was in my throat.
I brushed my teeth for the third time today and walked back to my room.
He was sitting quietly on my bed looking around briefly. I gently coughed and said a quiet 'thank you'.
"Its no problem Jackee." I smiled and sat criss-cross on my bed across from him.
"Do you wanna maybe talk about it?"
I shook my head and said, "No thank you."
"You know it's gonna be okay right?"
I looked him straight in the eye and only saw sincerity. I didn't care about Violet or my parents or how I was the different child or how I had problems. All I cared about was how I was going to be okay.
A/N I have a part two that's a lemon in progress so let me know if you want it guys.