Eva Menagerie Special: Two of a Kind (Chapter 1)

Disclaimer: I don't own Eva, please don't sue.

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Shinji's dream slowly faded to black, the ending credits starting and giving acknowledgement to people like "Pineapple Sausage Pizza" and "That Old Bottle of Juice He Found In The Back Of The Fridge." For some reason the music playing was an old Irish jig. Shinji vowed, even before waking fully, that he'd start watching what he ate before bed.

The last remnants of Shinji's unconsciousness faded with the quick joke scene at the end of the credits depicting one of the more pominent characters in his dream (a rough and rowdy pirate chimp named Cecil) performing his monologue to a theater of rude brine shrimp.

Waking finally and opening his eyes, Shinji sighed.

'Poor Cecil... he followed his dream only to be ridiculed by brine shrimp. It's... a metaphor for life.'

A metallic rattle sounded loudly through the room as he moved his arm.

The sound grabbed Shinji's attention much like the handcuff grabbed his wrist, with unrelenting force.

"Wha-"

"Guten Morgen, baka-kun" Asuka piped cheerfully.

"A-Asuka!? What are..."

He froze, his eyes on his right wrist where a silver handcuff was locked securely around it.

"Wh-what's going on?" he asked quietly. The whole situation was so bizarre that he wasn't sure if it was actually happening. Taking in a bit more of his surroundings he found that he was still in his bed, wearing the same attire he went to bed in the night before... but had the addition of Asuka kneeling next to his bed, her left wrist handcuffed to his right.

Asuka sat up slightly and placed her hands in a position in front of her as though she were delicately holding an invisble box. Shinji's hand was pulled up along with hers, the links between handcuffs being fairly short.

"Well, let's just set that aside for now." she said pleasantly, moving her "invisible box of 'what's going on'" off to the side and pretending to dismiss it.

"Huh? But..." Shinji started.

"Perhaps I misspoke." she interrupted with a bright smile, "I meant to say..."

All pleasantness in her face was suddenly replaced by unconditional anger, highlighted by a piercing glare that seemed to add volume to Asuka's next statement, "Mind your own business!"

Her words were like the growl of a feral animal and Shinji realized he had never been so scared of anything in his life as he was of Asuka's wrath at that moment.

Her face turned pleasant again and with a warm smile she said, "You know, we have school soon. We should probably get ready.

Shinji stared at the redhead he was currently handcuffed to. He wanted desperately to ask again about what was going on but was far too afraid to even broach the subject. He was pretty certain it WAS his business... but couldn't bring himself to argue the point.

The young boy glanced down at the handcuffs and tugged on them a bit. Asuka's hand moved but it was obvious they were not coming off. He slowly came up with a question he hoped would be able to slip under the radar.

"Uh... can we take these off?" he asked cautiously, shaking his arm and letting the metal links rattle.

Asuka's face remained pleasant but it was pretty apparent it was forced, "Actually... no."

"...why-"

He was cut off with another of the dark, penetrating glares and stopped his questioning. He felt as though he found the boundaries of conversation in regards to the handcuffs.

"Uh..." Shinji spoke quietly, at a loss for words or an idea of how to proceed.

Asuka appeared to be in, what would be for her, considered "evening attire." She wore a loose-fit yellow t-shirt and a pair of blue shorts.

"You should probably get dressed, baka, you can't go to school like that." Asuka stated.

Shinji blinked a few times and glanced at Asuka's clothing, "Wh-what about you?"

The smile Asuka kept on her face unnerved Shinji. Something was strange about the whole situation but even more so with Asuka's control of her emotions and expressions. Frankly, it creeped Shinji out.

"I'll get dressed when you're ready. We'll have to sneak you into my room so Misato doesn't notice." Asuka paused thoughtfully then continued, "breakfast might be a problem though. If she's up just sit on my left side and we'll keep our hands under the table."

Shinji stared at her again. Her little plan had answered one of Shinji's questions; whether Misato knew of this.

"But... I don't know if I can eat with my left hand..." Shinji lamented quietly.

This earned him another glare and Asuka growled, "You want Misato to find out about this?" she held up her hand, dragging Shinji's along with it, up into his view. The handcuffs gleamed in the morning light filtering in through his curtains.

"N-no... I guess not..." He wasn't sure if he did or not really. He thought maybe Misato had a key and could unlock them but was too afraid to mention that to Asuka.

Shinji figured since he knew so little about the situation he should probably just do what he normally did... follow orders until everything was resolved.

The smile back on her deceptively pretty face, Asuka prodded once again, "Come on, baka, up up, we need to get ready for school."

Shinji removed his covers and slid over to the edge of the bed. With a quick glance at his shirt, then down his arm and up Asuka's arm, he was pretty certain he had found a stumbling block Asuka hadn't thought of.

"Asuka..."

He was interrupted by a very serious Asuka, "I'm not taking a shower with you, handcuffs or not." she said sternly.

"No... no... I... kind of figured that." he said quietly, "No, I was going to say..." He paused.

"I can't get my shirt on or off."

Asuka froze.

Shinji could see the wheels turning in her head as she glanced at his shirt, then down his arm.

"Scheiße!" she hissed, then began glancing around his room.

Suddenly seeing what she was looking for she shot up and dragged Shinji over to his desk by his arm.

Shinji yelped and slipped off the bed, landing on his side with his arm in the air. An increasingly loud "Auuuugh!" escaped his throat as he was dragged to his desk on his right side, sliding over the carpet on his right thigh and hip.

"Shut up, you want Misato to come in here?" Asuka hissed.

"But-" Shinji's excuse was cut short as Asuka snatched the scissors from a container on his desk and held them up between them.

Shinji swallowed loudly.

Asuka, seeing Shinji was quiet again, glanced to his closet and unceremoniously yanked him over to it. Shinji, for his part, yelped again but was able to keep the noise to a minimum.

Asuka expected to dig around to find Shinji's school shirts but frowned when she realized that was about all he had in his closet.

"What the heck? Are these all your clothes, baka?"

Shinji, sounding a bit insulted said, "Well, no... I have some underwear and socks-" he was cut off however with a glare from the fiesty redhead.

"I'm going to pretend you didn't answer at all."

Shinji didn't have time to react to the statement however as Asuka snatched a white shirt from its hanger and began cutting from the neckhole down the right shoulder until the sleeve fell away on both sides.

"Augh! My uniform!" Shinji cried.

Another glare halted any more outbursts from the Third Child as Asuka tossed the scissors back onto the desk. "Here, hurry up. When we go get my uniform I'll pin it back together. I'll have to do the same to mine and we'll just get new ones later."

Frowning, Shinji slipped the shirt on as best he could and buttoned it up over the shirt he slept in.

"We're going to stink all day without showers." he complained.

Asuka rolled her eyes, "You stink, girls smell nice regardless."

Shinji glanced at her, copious amounts of disbelief radiating from him in nearly palpable waves.

Unfortunately Asuka's glare held the disbelief at bay as if to say, "This is my reality and you're just a guest here."

Shinji thought to play the "Drunk Misato Stench" card but realized once more that he was handcuffed to the volatile redhead and would constantly be "within easy reach."

The business-like manner in which Asuka was presenting the situation made it easy for Shinji to ignore the fact he had been standing around handcuffed to a pretty girl in his underwear. It became apparent to him that they were both conveniently ignoring this fact to expedite their handling of the situation. With little effort Shinji was able to pull his pants on while Asuka suddenly found great interest in his poster depicting wonderfully large and succulant watermelons.

Just as Shinji finished putting on his socks Asuka was a whirl of motion again, yanking him from his desk chair and pulling him roughly over to the door. A quick look between door and frame was the only pause before the door was slid open and the two Children stalked quickly into Asuka's room.

A moment after the door had slid closed and Asuka was sure they were safe she immediately pulled a scarf from off her dresser and wrapped it around Shinji's head.

"Hey!" Shinji cried but the knot cinching the scarf over his eyes halted his protests.

"Stay quiet, keep your hands to yourself, and your life will end one second after that scarf leaves your face if it happens to fall off so I suggest you do everything in your power to keep it there." Asuka hissed into his ear.

"O-okay..." Shinji answered quietly.

Shinji could hear the rustle of clothing and A few snips of Asuka's scissors. He wanted to make small-talk... or at the very least ask again about what was going on but was far too meek to follow through with it.

A curious movement of his arm due to the handcuffs interrupted Shinji's thoughts. He knew where Asuka was standing and which way she was facing... after a few moments of fiddling at waist level Asuka pulled his arm up to around mid-back. Before he could do anything to prevent it his hand brushed across Asuka's warm skin, being dragged dangling behind her hand as it positioned her bra.

Perhaps it was the nearly intimate touch on the sensitive skin of her back, or the fact it happened while she was attempting to concentrate on and position her personal girly bits, whatever the reason... that touch sent Asuka into a paralyzed stasis.

Shinji, not quite realizing the significance of it just muttered a typical Shinji-like apology with a soft, "Gomen." then made sure to hold his hand away from her back. However, the damage was already done.

Shocked stasis: Over

"What... do you think... you are doing?" she snarled.

"Huh?" he replied curiously, "It was an accident, you pulled my-"

He was unable to finish his statement as Asuka lunged, attempting to give Shinji a sweet right hook. Asuka's fist tore through the air in a smooth arc. Sensing danger on a purely instinctive level Shinji ducked back slightly and Asuka's fist whizzed past his face close enough for him to feel the heat from her hand.

Asuka's momentum kept her turning and with a startled "Uwaaa!" she spun until her left arm pulled against the handcuffs tightly, causing her to lurch forward and roll, spinning, along Shinji's arm. Her right arm was caught between the two pilots as Asuka pinned herself to Shinji's chest.

The punch, subsequent duck on Shinji's part, twirling and lurching all combined to throw both Children off balance, but with only one arm free it was up to Shinji to make the impact as safe as possible. As he tipped back, with Asuka pressed close to him and his right arm pulled taught around her, he made a quick decision and wrapped his free left arm around the girl as well.

Shinji landed on his back with a loud THUMP, his surprised luggage cushioned from the fall by his own body. All breath was knocked out of him from the weight of the young woman landing squarely on his chest and abdomen.

Little orange and red stars danced for Shinji in the darkness behind his blindfold. For a moment he thought it was the ending to another strange dream...

Asuka, at a complete loss for words, stared cross-eyed at the point of the scissors which were a mere inches from her face. The scissors, which she had placed on the dresser next to them, had obviously fallen off from all the stumbling about and had come to rest open and leaning against the bed. One blade pointing directly at her face. For a moment Asuka was about to choke her housemate to death for putting his arms around her but she realized that if he hadn't...

She didn't want to finish the thought.

Quickly glancing down at Shinji's face, Asuka confirmed his blindfold was still on then squirmed and tried to assess the situation.

"B-baka!" she stammered fiercely, "Hey! Let me go, let me get up!" part of her wanted to lay into the pervert for holding her as he was but another part had already realized why they were in the situation they were in and it was getting harder to blame him for her own idiocy.

Shinji groaned and Asuka could see his head rolling from side to side slightly. Asuka bit her lip and squirmed more trying to extricate herself from laying on top of Shinji in such a manner. Her squirms became more insistant as she became aware of her mostly unclothed state and the intimacy of their hapless embrace.

"Baka!" She hissed again and shook herself slightly trying not to... rub... so much against Shinji in the process.

Shinji's left arm finally slipped from around her and she was able to roll off to her left side, unraveling herself from the coil their combined arms made around her. When she was finally out she quickly sat up and pulled on the shirt she had prepared before the little incident. Luckily it all transpired after she was able to put her bra on and WELL after the unfeeding and re-feeding of her bra strap to get her arm through. She shuddered to think what might've happened if that transpired with her even less clothed than she already had been.

While Shinji recovered Asuka was able to, with a stooped posture, get the rest of her uniform on without any more mishaps. She then used safety pins to keep their sleeves together. It wouldn't hold up under close scrutiny but would work temporarily. Just as she was finishing up it appeared as though Shinji was a bit more sentient.

"Feeling better?" Asuka asked curtly.

"Unh?" Shinji replied groggily, "What happened?" he asked after a moment.

Asuka smirked and thought to herself, 'Best thing that's probably ever happened to him and he completely missed it.'

Aloud, however, she just said quietly, "Nothing..." then after watching her roommate for a moment added, "Let's go get some breakfast."

Shinji glanced around with the blindfold on, "Hai..."

They stood and while Asuka worked on the knot holding Shinji's blindfold all she could do was shake her head.