So it took a long time, but I finally decided on a new story. :D I hope you all love it!

Disclaimer: I don't know what it matters, but I recently decided it might be a good idea to invest in a disclaimer. So I don't own Big Time Rush- obviously.


Addie entered the hospital room and ran to Carlos, trying to climb into the bed. "America's Funniest Home Videos" was playing on the TV in the high corner of the soft blue room, the blinds open to let in the white Minnesota light to illuminate my husband's smiling face.

"No, Ad," I ordered, entering behind. "Daddy's hurting- don't get up there."

"She's okay, Kenny," Carlos said happily. I sighed and rolled my eyes, lifting our 5-year-old daughter up to sit beside her father on the bed. Her wild red hair tickled his face and made him scrunch up his nose as she hugged him gently. "Daddy didn't fix your hair this morning, did he? Silly Daddy."

I smirked and bent down to kiss him before pulling up a chair beside his bed to sit. Carlos was always the one to fix Addie's hair and dress her in cute clothes- not me. I could never get all those tiny flaming red curls into a bun like he does, or into a tight French braid or pigtails.

"How do you feel?" I asked as Addie snuggled into his side and he stroked her hair.

"Really sore," he said. "But I'll make it."

My Carlos had just had surgery to get a kidney replacement and cancer taken from his other kidney. Although I knew it hurt to have our daughter on him, he loved her too much to tell her no. The surgery had happened yesterday afternoon, and now it was the next afternoon and we were allowed to see him. I was happy to see that his skin was safely tan again, not yellowish.

"Daddy, I drawed you a piture, but I leaved it at home," Addie said up to Carlos.

"You DREW me a picture and LEFT it at home?" Carlos corrected.

"Yeah. But I'll bring it next time."

"Okay, baby," Carlos laughed, kissing her freckly cheek.

Obviously Addie isn't our biological daughter. We adopted her as a baby, her name Addison Riley Knight. Everyone loved her- the baby with the flaming red hair, the freckly cheeks and nose, the dark brown eyes, and the smile to kill, with two fathers- the whitest white boy you could find and a Latino.

"What did you do at school today?" Carlos asked. She was in preschool now- Carlos cried the day she started it.

"Daddy taked me early, but I learned a color!"

"Daddy TOOK you, Ad," Carlos corrected.

"What color did you learn?" I asked.

"Red," she said proudly.

"Like your hair!" Carlos gasped.

Addie took a tuft of her hair and looked at it, gasping.

"It IS red!"

Carlos giggled and looked up at me with a wink.

Suddenly the door opened again and I turned to see Carlos' best friend, Logan, entering.

"Oh, god, Los, baby, I thought you would die!" Logan said worriedly, going to the bed to pepper my husband's face with kisses.

They had been best friends since before kindergarten- their mothers had been friends. They had a weird friendship- Logan was gay, and you could tell it by his small build, his stylish clothes, and the ring on his bottom lip, and he called Carlos things like "baby" and "honey" and "sexy". At first, when I met him and Carlos and I were just dating, I was defensive about it. But now I get that there's literally nothing but brotherly love between them.

"Uncle Logie, I want kisses!" Addie begged. Logan grinned a dazzling smile and kissed all over her face.

"Hey, Freckles," Logan said cheerfully to her.

"That's not my name!"

"What?" Logan asked in mock surprise. "It isn't?"

"No! It's Addie!"

"I think it's Freckles. Isn't that what it says on her birth certificate, Kendall?" he asked me.

"Yeah. It says right there- plain and simple- Freckles Riley," I said with a shrug.

"Nuh-uh!" Addie said, looking worried. She looked to Carlos for clarification.

"That's your real name, baby," Carlos shrugged. Addie's little mouth fell open and she just looked so troubled that her real birth name was Freckles. "We're kidding, Ad! You know that it says Addison!"

Logan laughed and pulled up a chair beside me, kicking up his feet onto the bed.

We stayed at the hospital for a long time until the doctor entered and said that we had to leave so that Carlos could have his stitches checked out and stuff. He said that it could be a painful process for Carlos and he shouldn't be stressed out by other people there- besides, it could get gross.

Logan, Addie, and I decided to go to dinner before we went home.

"How are you being home alone with Addie?" Logan asked me from across the table at the pizza place. He really was extremely attractive, with his dimples, dark eyes, lip ring, neatly gelled up hair, and cute hoodies that he used to cover up his hands when he was nervous. He was the cute kind of gay, that you just had to love, but I knew that he could be a sassy one, too. He had a lot of personalities.

"I'm fine. Have some faith in me," I laughed. "I'm her dad, too, you know."

"Yeah, but normally Carlos is the one who cooks for her and dresses and bathes her and takes care of her."

"I do, too. What, do you think I just sit around all day and watch?"

"Wait- that's NOT what you do?" he winked. I laughed and rolled my eyes. "But… How have YOU been holding up? Since he was diagnosed?"

"I would be worse if he wasn't so positive," I admitted. "He's always telling me that he'll be okay, and that the doctors wouldn't let him die. That the Lord wouldn't let him die with such a beautiful little girl that needs him."

"He's always been religious. I never understood it- his church isn't one that hates on gays, but my parents were that kind, you know."

"I know."

"But I guess whatever floats his boat."

I had found a good friend in Logan. We had, of course, met through Carlos and were alone together sometimes, like now, and I knew I could tell him anything. He was understanding and great at giving advice, not to mention he never shared secrets.

"What if he dies?" I asked.

"What?" Addie squeaked.

"Oh, no, honey," Logan laughed nervously to Addie, who was beside him. "Your daddy said 'What if he CRIES'. Nobody wants to see your daddy cry, you know."

"Oh," Addie said in relief. "I thought he said-"

"I know, sweetheart," Logan said, giving me a look.

I sighed and rubbed my face, then hair. The thought of Carlos dying from this cancer was in the back of my mind, but I never allowed myself to think it out loud. Now that Logan was here, I thought that I could confide in him. Big mistake doing that with Addie there.

"But Los WON'T cry, because don't you think that would be really sad?" Logan said to me in code. "And he's determined not to cry, because our Carlos is very strong and has great doctors. We'll put as much money as he needs in so that he doesn't cry."

"There's always the possibility. They said that the cancer could have spread to other organs," I said softly.

"It's CARLOS, Kendall. He won't."

The pizza arrived, but Logan and I never broke eye contact as it was set down in the center of the table.

"You have to keep strong for her, Kendall," Logan said softly. "And if you start ripping at the seams, don't think that I won't take Addie to my place in a heartbeat. She needs to be cared for like a princess, and if she ever DOESN'T get that-"

"Okay, Logan," I said. "If I start going downhill, I WANT you to take her. I don't want her to see me weak. I don't want her to be neglected. Okay?"

Logan nodded a little and I sighed and turned to help my daughter with her pizza.


"Daaaady! Looooogie! Come tuck me in!" Addie called from her bedroom.

Logan gave me a little smile as he turned the dishwasher on and we went to her bedroom. Carlos and I had been married for six years and had a little one-story house in a nice little neighborhood. Carlos had been in the hospital for three days and I hadn't done the dishes or cleaned anything since then. I had to take time off of my job at Dick's Sporting Goods to take care of Addie. Logan had helped me clean up a little bit while Addie got ready for bed.

Logan stood in the doorway of the pink bedroom, his hoodie sleeves over his hands as he watched Addie and I.

I knelt beside her bed and tucked the covers to her chin.

"How many more days?" she asked excitedly, wanting to know when Carlos would be coming back home.

"There's only tomorrow, then the next day, and that next morning we'll be taking Daddy home," I said, pushing little ringlets from her face.

"Do we have markers here?"

"I think a lot of them are dried up. I'll have to get new ones."

"When you do, can we make Daddy pictures?"

"Of course we can, Pumpkin," I grinned. She was so sweet- she got that from spending so much time with Carlos. They were exactly alike.

"Of a purple cat with a yellow scarf and he's riding a bus to the store to get fishes for his baby cats?" she asked excitedly. Oh, this girl's imagination.

"Why wouldn't we draw that?" I laughed.

"Or a cracker that just got his side ate, and now he's looking for a Band-Aid, but a bear is guarding the Band-Aids, so the cracker has to fight him with a sword?"

"Why don't we draw both?"

"Or-"

"We'll draw anything and everything you want, Pumpkin. How about you go to sleep, and maybe you'll get more ideas from your dream," I suggested. "Tomorrow's Saturday, which means we can spend all day together drawing pictures."

"But can we go see Daddy?"

"Of course we can, baby. You know he loves to draw, too."

"He makes silly pictures."

"I know he does," I smiled. "He has the same imagination as you do."

"Uncle Logie, will you come draw with us tomorrow?" Addie asked Logan.

"Maybe," he smiled. "I have to go down to my grandma's house, though, and set up her new TV, so I might be late."

"Can I come?"

"My grandma's a mean old lady- you wouldn't want to come."

"Is she a witch?" Addie asked in astonishment.

"She used to be, but then she got too old to ride her broom, so she had to stop."

"Don't let her turn you into a frog!" she pleaded. "Or I'll have to kiss you to make you Logie again."

"I'll drink a potion before I go, so that she can't do that to me," Logan reassured.

"Okay, good," Addie nodded in relief.

I smiled down at her, stroking her hair with my thumb. She was so damn cute. Not only was it her looks, but also her personality, which resembled Carlos in her innocence and goofiness, and me in her strength and ability to be serious. I loved her.

"I love you, Addie. Let's go to bed," I said softly.

"Love you, too," she mumbled, not wanting to sleep. I laughed and gave her a kiss before I stood and let Logan kiss her goodnight.


I had finally fallen asleep at 2 AM that night, only to be woken up by my bedroom door opening.

I sat up and looked through the darkness to find Addie slowly coming in, her teddy bear hanging by a leg in her little hand, her wild hair crowning her head. I wasn't sure if she was sleepwalking or not- she had a history of doing that.

"Addie?" I grumbled.

"Daddy," I heard her sniffle. Yes, she was awake. "I had a bad dream."

Weird- normally when she had bad dreams she ran in sobbing, jumped into the bed and darted beneath the blankets, shivering.

I swung my feet over the edge of the bed and went to her, picking her up. She immediately wrapped an arm around my neck and buried her face in my bare shoulder as I carried her to the bed.

I lay her in the bed and got into it myself, her immediately sitting up and hugging Carlos' pillow to her chest, appearing to be smelling it.

"I dreamed that Daddy died," she said, tears in her voice. "And me and you and Logie went to the funeral, and me and Logie were crying, but you weren't. You were kissing a different man. A man I didn't know. And Logie telled me that Daddy was in heaven now and that you didn't want me anymore, and that he was my new daddy."

I was so troubled by her words. I understood her dreaming of Carlos' death, but why did it feature me kissing another guy? And Logan taking her over?

"And it scared me, cause I don't want Daddy to die. And I don't want Logie to be my new Daddy."

"That'll never happen, Pumpkin. Okay?" I whispered. Her tear-stricken face turned to me. "Come snuggle with me- I'll chase away your bad dreams."

Addie put the pillow aside and cuddled up to my chest, my arm holding her, hand in her hair.


If you're reading this in the super future and its already complete, don't be afraid to review on this story! I love to read new reviews on old stories. :D

And if you're reading this as we go, you should review, too, because it motivates me to write quicker and better. Everyone loves hearing what people think of their writing. :D