Welcome to Atlanits dear new recruits!

To make your first weeks easier to you,
we have written a guide to aid you in your daily struggle to cope with Atlantis and it's inhabitants.


∞ It's no duty to learn how to play golf on Atlantis; Sheppard is not permitted to make you clean toilet bowls for the rest of your life if you refuse playing.

∞ If you mess up anything, and make an emergency call, don't forget to tell your exact position; It makes it easier for the others to flee in the right direction

∞ You mustn't touch things scientists may ask you to switch on or off; McKay is not permitted to drown you if don't do what he says.

∞ Do not believe those people who tell you powerbars can stop a Wraith from tearing you apart to feed on you. That's not the Wraith, but Dr McKay. They always confuse it.

∞ McKayish is no language of it's own, nor a fitting scale for measuring catastrophes or a new fashion style.

∞ Most linguists suffer from a really bad humor, so do not buy their tips for polite offworld conversation. An insult is an insult, no matter when or which language.

∞ The kitchen chef can not curse, poison or kill you with one look; If you spent the whole night vomiting, blame the aliens.

∞ The only known difference between a nuclear time bomb and a cute alien pet is, that a bomb won't wet your carpet before blowing up.

∞ Sparing with Ronon is no necessary and common proof on Atlantis you're a man; In fact it only does proof your soon gonna be a very bruised man.

∞ Only fall in love with somebody if you can be 100 percent sure he/she isn't being an alien warrior, princess, invader or huge and bulky marine's property.

∞ Never mock anybody fixing jumpers, transports or shower system. For sooner or later, you will have to use them too.

∞ Refusing to go off world on days like Friday the 13th is stupid. Why be afraid of one single day, when there's plenty of reason to be scared all the time?

∞ Being friendly and civil doesn't mean the aliens won't enjoy beating you up; if you don't feel like it, you can leave the 'hello, I am a friendly visitor from another planet' foreplay out.

∞ Coffee ranges somewhere between universal deity and reason to live. You can try taking the scientist away from the coffee, but you won't survive taking the coffee from the scientist.

∞ Do not try to feed aliens, native children or McKay with lemon.

∞ 'Everybody pull down your pants and jump back to your quarters on one leg' is not the specific Atlantean Catastrophe Alarm, but the specific 'Hello, I'm Chuck, and I love to make fun of new recruits' Alarm.

∞ You can wear your safe guard and vest all the time if you feel better that way; Just remember drowning or dying from heat stroke is also a likely option on Atlantis.

∞ Even if you have the ATA gene – flushing the toilets by thought won't work. You'll only get hemorrhoids and a hell of a headache, spending hours in the loo thinking 'flush, flush, flush'.

∞ Learn how to run. Fast.