Setting: the cast of FF7, FF8 and FF9 are all sitting in the audience while Zidane is rambling off love poetry to Garnet onstage when...........


Zidane: No Squall or Cloud shall hinder me
*screen splits to show the eyes of Squall and Cloud*
*They both run onstage at opposite ends*

Both: What did you say!?
Zidane: Uhh huh I said *gulp* No Squall or Cloud shall hinder me
Squall: I'm Squall
Cloud: And I'm Cloud
Both: Now, What-did-you-say?
Zidane: N-N-N-Nothing
*light bulb*
Wait a minute! I can go Super Saiyan

Zidane: I said no Squall or Cloud shall hinder me! And I can go Super Saiyan!
Garnet: Not this again, I'm going to go sit down
*Exits to audience*
Squall: I want first shot; I hate monkies
Cloud: Go ahead! I like to see 2 weak people go at it. All better for my amusement.
*walks to throne that was onstage and takes a seat*

Squall: Then I guess it's just me and the monkey
Zidane: Fine with me cuz I'm gonna go Super Saiyan and kick your ass. Hahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Hey anybody got any hair gel!
Squall: Oh Brother!
Squall: *gets a big sweatdrop and falls over*
Link:*sitting next to Sephiroth in a wheelchair trying to recover from his first experience with Sephiroth*
I have hair gel!
*throws at Zidane*
Sephiroth:*looks at Link*
You Idiot!
*slaps him upside the head and Link flies into the air turning into a star*

Zidane:*puts hair gel in his hair spiking it up*
Squall: All you did was spike up your hair and you think you're a Super Saiya-Jin. How Pathetic!!
Zidane: Just watch!
*jumps in the air at Squall and starts punching frantically at Squall with his eyes closed*
Squall:*dodges punches using DBZ-like techniques
Zidane: You're tough, but not too tough for this!!!!
Ka-ma-ha-me-HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*throws a yellow beachball with "Kamehameha" written on it at Squall
Squall:*slaps beachball away*
*grabs gunblade*
TAKE THIS!!!!
Squall:*slashes at Zidane cutting his hair off*
Zidane: My hair!! My beautiful hair!! Now you're gonna pay!
*throws lots of yellow beachballs at Squall*
Squall:*uses a FIRAGA spell to destroy the beachballs*
Zidane:*huffs and puffs*
*thinks*...maybe he's a Super Saiyan too! Oh no, he could be THE LEGENDARY SUPER SAIYA-JIN
Squall: I'm tired of your stalling techniques! Why don't you come over here and take your ass-whoopin like a man?
*grabs ugly stick and smacks his palm with it*
Zidane: Hahhh!!
*rushes at Squall with a punch*
Squall:*hits him in the face with the ugly stick*
Zidane: Ahhhh!
*falls backwards, sliding on his ass*
Squall: You're officially ugly
Zidane:*rubs his bruises*
I am a Saiya-Jin I cannot be defeated!!
*runs at Squall*

Cloud:*gets off the throne and trips Zidane*
Squall: Hahahahahahaha
Zidane: Grrrr!
*pulls out sword*
Squall: So, no Squall or Cloud shall hinder you huh? What a joke
Cloud: You're no match for us even at 1/100 of our true strength
Zidane:*rushes at Cloud with sword*
Cloud:*extends one arm, grabs sword and breaks it into 2. Hey! This is plastic and it says Wal-Mart too!!
Zidane: They were having a sale.....SO I BOUGHT 2. HAAA!!
*slices at Cloud's arm and because of the sword's plastic it bounces off of Clouds arm sending Zidane to the ground*

Sephiroth: Why don't you just give up Zidane!
Cid: Why don't you just shut the hell up! I'm trying to watch this "Goddamn cock sucking goat fucking dirty hoe ass bitch licking sticky finger pussy ass son of a cum guzzling whore on pay-day Dorothy mother fucking ass wipe ball hair Tifa tits piss pants pussy fight. (©Alicia Baker, Jenny Burton, and Shinji-kun)
So Shut up!!!
Sephiroth: If you don't shutup I'll show everybody your true side
*the crowd grows quiet and stares and Sephiroth and Cid*
Cid: You wouldn't
Sephiroth: try me
Cid:*cowers into his chair and shuts up*


Cloud: So, do you give up?
Zidane: Neva!!!
*charges at Squall and throws sword at Cloud*
*chokes Squall with his tail*
Squall:*(struggling) grabs his gunblade and cuts off his tail
Zidane: Zidane Jr.!!!!!!
Cloud:*runs at Zidane and punches him in the gut*

Cid: That was cool!
Sephiroth:*glares at cid*
Cid:*starts trembling*
Sephiroth: That's enough!
*rips off Cid's clothes*
Cid: Noooo!
*voice changes to a high pitch*

*The crowd gasps as Cid's true side is revealed*
Sephiroth: Stupid Woman!!!
*Cid runs away screaming like a girl*

Zidane: WOW, that's a nice rack you have, Cid!
Bounce some more baby!
Yeah ha ha!

*Squall nods to Cloud and they both pick up a beachball on the stage*

Squall: Ka-me-ha-me-HA!
Cloud: Ka-me-ha-me-HA!

*Zidane looks behind him to see two yellow beachballs coming toward him*

Zidane:*falls off the stage and starts twitching*

Squall: Is he dead?
Cloud: That was pathetic, hahahahahaha
Squall: Now that that's over, it's just you and me
*gets in a fighting stance*
Cloud: Is that supposed to scare me?
Squall:*points to a golden ping-pong table backstage and then pulls it onstage*
Cloud: Have you forgotten?
*snaps his fingers and Tifa and Aeris come out with a golden jacket with all sorts of awards on it and they put it on Cloud*
Cloud: I AM THE PING-PONG MASTER!!!