Title:
Just Enough
Fandom: Harry Potter
Timeframe: Marauders
HBP
Compliant: Yes
Pairing: Lily/Lucius
Rating: PG-13
Summary:
It wasn't just and it wasn't enough, but it was something.
------- Lily/Lucius --------
It worked, for some reason, for some strange and inexplicable reason it worked. They worked. Not that this is saying much, because it isn't, people becomes friends all the time. Just not these types of people.
She was wild and independent and fierce, like a flame in the wind she fought against even the toughest opponent and won. Just not against him.
He was cold and calm and collected, he could remain emotionless around anyone and in any situation. Just not with her.
And they were good for each other. Just not the way society wanted. Because she taught him about childhood and hopes and dreams and he reminded her about reality and cynicism and 'does everyone really have to die some day, Lucius?' 'Yes, everyone.' Just not you.
For two years they were inseparable. Just not when around other people. They laughed, just not loud, and it was a bitter noise. They smiled, just not enough to reach their eyes. And they talked of hopes and dreams and destiny, just not forever because that didn't exist.
Just not enough was the only way to describe their relationship. Because everything was 'almost' and 'just barely' and 'close to' being a real relationship. But his kisses always missed her mouth and hers only just brushed his lips, she was always the more daring of the two. But his touches were fast and fleeting and hers were so constant he forgot about them. Just not about her, he'd never forget her.
And when he left, she cried. Just not out loud or with tears. He wrote once, or twice, or maybe every week, but it wasn't enough for either of them. Days blurred together, weeks blurred together, years blurred together, her tears, his tears, blurred together, until she was seventeen and getting married to James Oswald Potter.
She invited him, knowing he wouldn't come. He refused the invitation, knowing she knew he would. They couldn't be together, for-or-ever, and they couldn't be apart. So it only made sense for him to find her the week before the wedding in a small hat boutique on the outskirts of Diagon Alley. And it only made sense for her to smile at him like she knew he would be there and usher him into the teashop next door.
"Lucius, darling, how are you?" she asked, knowing she didn't want an answer.
"I'm fine, Lily," knowing she didn't want the truth.
"You look…" old, but she couldn't say that.
"I'm just tired…" without you, but he couldn't place that burden on her shoulders.
"I miss you," and that's the closest to the word 'love' either of them ever said.
"I know," which really mean 'me too,' only not in so many words.
He left the teashop and walked the streets of Devon until the sun came out. She left the teashop and walked the streets of London until the rain began to fall. Then she walked some more, hoping she could get sick enough to die. Because the separation was just too much.
And it wasn't just and it definitely wasn't enough. But it was all either of them had to hold on to. So even though it wasn't real it was something.
During a war, everyone needs something to hold on to.
