Dear Reader,
At first The End was near
But now it is here
With all the times I said
Without reading these books
You'd save your deprived head
But you refused to listen
And read until The End
With all the wretched memories
That have come and gone
One would assume
You would have stopped all along
But you kept on reading
To find out more information
About Violet, Klaus, and Sunny
The unfortunate Baudelaire orphans
You've journeyed from Violet's inventions
To Klaus's expansive vocabulary
To Sunny's unusually sharp teeth
You've read The Bad Beginning
The Reptile Room
The Wide Window
The Miserable Mill
The Austere Academy
The Ersatz Elevator
The Vile Village
The Hostile Hospital
The Carnivorous Carnival
The Slippery Slope
The Grim Grotto
The Penultimate Peril
The End
The Unauthorized Biography
And The Beatrice Letters
You've followed the orphans from Briney Beach
All the way to deserted islands
You have uncovered secrets about V.F.D
The Snicket File, and schisms
You have met all different characters
From the Quagmire Triplets
To Ishmael, Friday, and Ink
You have read an estimated 170 chapters
Of woefulness and misery
And for what
To cry yourself to sleep
In sadness for The Baudelaires
To wish you had a million paper cuts
One for each page you turned
After you had been multiply warned
To wish you had taken the warning
The warning to preferably burn this book
Or throw it off the nearest cliff
The warnings that you got
At the beginning of every book
And now take a good look
At all the misery in the world
And all the misery of the Baudelaires
And you can ask yourself
Why?
Why did I not take the warnings?
Why did I not burn this book?
Or throw it off the nearest cliff?
Why did I read all of the books?
Why did I stick around for all this misery?
For all these unfortunate events
Tragic events
Unknown events
Why?
Why?
Why?
With all due respect,
Lemony Snicket
Lemony Snicket
