A/N: Ok! I was feeling VERY angsty today…so I decided to write this!
Lol…Diana's thoughts while she attempted suicide.
Alrighty-roo!
REVIEW PLEASE!
Disclaimer: I don't own N2N….or else I wouldn't be writing this right now!
I had to get away. I had to.
Gabe told me I could. He said I could join him. I wouldn't have to worry about anything anymore. No doctors, no meds, no anything. Just me and him.
I felt trapped. I didn't know how to get out. I didn't know how to leave. How would I tell Dan? He wouldn't believe me if I just got up and left. Then again, he doesn't believe me anyway.
Gabe always asks me why his father hates him. And I answer plainly that he doesn't. and it's true. Dan never hated him…but he just forgot him. Like nothing ever happened.
I wondered if he'd do the same to me…I wondered if I died… Would he would forget me too?
"Mom…are you ready?" Gabe asked me, smiling.
I paused for a moment and sighed. "Yes."
I tried to let myself go with him, but I couldn't. Something was holding back. Something prevented me from leaving. I looked around for the source when I saw a fresh razor sitting out next to me. Its gleam looked so inviting now as I slowly picked it up.
If Gabe had to leave like this, then so would I.
I took a deep breath before quickly placing it on my wrist, feeling it slowly tugging on my skin. I had to keep going. I had to join him. I finally drew blood, now moving further and further up my arm. Before long, I was drenched in blood, as was the chair in the living room that I sat at.
But I felt weird. Lightheaded almost. I could see Gabe…he was so much clearer than before. He held his hand out to me, telling me to come with him. I was finally going to be with my son once again. I slowly went to grab his hand when I thought of Dan. Was I letting him down? Was I deserting him? I didn't even get a chance to tell him that I loved him…
But I shook the thought off as my hand tightly gripped Gabe's, his sly smirk turning into a full-out grin. I found myself smiling as well. This was it. No more doctors, treatments, family…
But that's when it hit me.
What about Natalie?
What would she do when she found my lifeless body on the floor? How would she react to knowing that her mother was such a coward that she took her own life instead of trying to get better? What would happen to her?
I tried to pull away from Gabe, knowing that I couldn't leave yet. I had to be there…for my daughter. He looked hurt as I finally freed myself from his grasp, knowing exactly why I was hesitant to go.
But as soon as he let go, everything went black.
And a few moments later, I woke up, lying in the hospital bed, begging Gabe to forgive me.
I guess mine is just a slower suicide.
A/N: Awww…
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