He's my equal, so you could say. Dream boat, man whore and sex god. Kenny McCormick the male version of Bebe Stevens. He's hot I can't deny it, everyone seems to think so. Too years ago when he stopped wearing that stupid parker, every single on of my friends decided Kenny was 'it'. He was suddenly the guy everyone wanted, and who could blame them, he's grown from token poor kid to class hottie.

His dark blonde locks, just a shade longer than most, his vivid blue eyes pools of colour with that mischievous sparkle. The way he looks at you through those eyes like he knows your darkest secret. And that smile, the 'Kenny' smile, that melt your heart in a second cheeky grin, that flashes his perfect white teeth. He's tall too, not the tallest in his group of friends but tall enough. He's slender and toned not muscular but strong, I was surprised by that actually, I mean he's no jock but his brother Kevin was always weedy looking. I guess Kenny found away round that malnutrition his brother suffered.

What I don't get however is how he manages to get all those girls to fall under his spell. I mean after the first 15 he bedded you'd think girls would get the message, he's not in it for the relationship but he swoons them and wins them over every time. I don't work like that; at least I'm honest with the boys I sleep with. I may have broken a few hearts but I'm nowhere near the feats of Kenny. I'd always promise myself I wouldn't fall into the same trap my mom did, becoming a blonde bimbo trophy wife, but I guess its in my genes. I'm still B+ average but I'm considered a slut.

Kenny turned round to look at me and I realised I've been staring all through my musing, I flash him a flirtatious smile, and he winks at me, before turning back to whatever it was he was doing, and I'm pretty sure it wasn't work. He, like me, was averaging B+ but he put in hardly any effort Kenny it seemed had managed to overcome the dominant stupidity gene that ran through his family. I laugh to myself before turning my attention to someone else in the class, its maths and I've completely given up hope on understanding the equations on the board. Stan Marsh is sitting next to Kenny; he turned out just like everyone thought he would, the all American football player. He's technically a jock but he doesn't hang around with those meat heads. The tall muscular black haired, blue eyed boy is still best friends with Kyle Broflovski, my eyes skim the room but I know that the Jew isn't in this lesson, no Kyle's in special ability in almost every class, he's smart, that's his trait. You'd think he would be the red 'Jew fro' or the fact that he's about a foot taller than everyone around him, but no Kyle's the smart one. My eyes land next on the largest thing in the room Eric Theodore Cartman he's a dumb ass but his bulk isn't caused but the huge rolls of fat from his childhood but a large well built frame. He took up sport in middle school and has gained a few physical assets. After glancing at the clock I look to the front again and my eyes land on one miss Wendy Testaburger, Wendy my best friend for life has blossomed into womanhood her sleek black hair glistens on her back and her large brown eyes flit across the page following the pencil, Wendy's still an activist and a feminist pus she's in practically every extra curricular club going. She and Stan rekindled what they had when we started high school and are now the ideal couple. Everyone wants a Stan and Wendy style relationship. Personally I don't see the point; being tied down to one person would frankly get on my nerves, not been able to flirt with any guy I feel like would take all the fun out of life.

The bell rang and I shoved my books in my bag and followed Wendy out of the classroom. "What you doing tonight?" I ask her.


I feel someone staring at me, it's unnerving. I turn to see who it is and Bebe Stevens hottest whore in the world throws me a flirtatious smile so I wink back, I don't feel to worried about the staring now. I turn and get on with my 'work'. Bebe Stevens is without a doubt the hottest girl in the school. Her once frizzy blonde hair now sat in elbow length ringlets down her back and her vivid blue eyes sparkled with that all knowing glint that only us whores possess. It's no wonder so many guys lust after her, she has the 'perfect' figure curves in all the right places. She sleeps around, not nearly as much as yours truly but it doesn't change the fact she does, yet I haven't managed to get her into bed, there's still time though. The bell rand and Stan followed me out of the classroom.

"I'm going to meet Kyle. Coming?"

"No. I'm gagging. I'm meeting Christophe at the bleechers."

"You really should cut down you know Kenny."

Yeah, yeah, whatever" I answered in a joking way

"'Kay" he laughs

"Need a ride home today?"

"yeah." He turns and walks off

"Hey Stan, thanks" he nods his head and I turn and walk towards the bleechers. "mole!"

"Where 'ave you been beetch?" I hit him for that

"Ow, what was that for?"

"Nuthin'" I reply sparking up. I look at the mole, his head tilted up as he blows smoke into the air, he is, without a doubt the weirdest person I've ever met. He turned up first year of high school greeting everyone with the same indifference. Except Cartman who he punched in the stomach and kicked in the balls while saying "I fucking hate guard dogs!". He's kinda hot in a moody French sort of way, his shaggy brown hair falls slightly into his chocolate eyes and his toned body is half hidden by his loose black t-shirt. His shovel (which the teachers of this school had failed to confiscate) was strung over his back. If it wasn't for the fact he's Christophe "ze mole" DeLorne I wouldn't think twice about banging him, but of course he is and that's just totally wrong, I mean everyone knows I'm bi, or as Bebe I'd rather "fuck a fit dude than a butt ugly chick". Mole spat at the floor before docking his cigarette on the wall.

"so tonight?" I ask, it's a Friday and I have three options 1) go home and suffer a night of endless arguments 2) go clubbing with the mole or 3) go to Stan's.

"What about tonight?"

"What are we doing?"

"We? We are doing nothing."

"What! Why?" maybe I can convince Stan to invite someone other that Kyle round.

"my muzza is making me go to a sermon about ze importance of her faggoty god and the Christian religion."

"Christianity's weak." I state "gods a Buddhist, and only Mormons get into heaven anyway." He laughs one good thing about the mole is that he belives what I say about the afterlife which despite the fact that I die frequently people are disinclined to believe.

"you try telling zat to my muzza." He laughs.

I flick my tab end into the bushes and head towards the cafeteria "see ya' round Mole." I say over my shoulder I hear a murmur of response before seeing Kyle's head above the rest of the crowd and snake my way over to the Jew and his best friend.

"Kenny hey!" Stan calls out seeing me walking towards them,

"'sup guys?"

"Thought you'd be with 'ze Mole' all lunch."

i was about to reply when Cartman the fat, racist bastard walk right into kyle sending him flying. "Out of the way you fuckin' Jew!" as Stan helped Kyle to his feet I spun round and beat Cartman upside the head. He's at least twice my side but he hit the ground without much effort on my part, I might not have a football player's build but I've knocked out everyone on the team 'sept Stan more than once. I guess growing up in 'the ghetto' has its up sides, no-one messes with Kenny McCormick. Eric was struggling to push me off him as Ii punched his face repeatedly "we've. talked. about. this. fat. arse. you. are. not. to. do. or. say. anything. to. my. friends. ever. you. piece. of. shit." I stood up and he stumbled to his feet. "you get it?" I ask politely.

"Yeah, don't touch the Jew or anyone" he said turning I heard him mutter "on the days your alive."

"What was that?" I asked grabbing his collar spinning him and kneeing him where it matters

He winced "ever." He answered "don't go near the Jew ever." He said and I let him hobble to the bathroom.

Completely happy I'd made a scene I turned back to see Stan and Kyle staring at me mouths open.

"what?" I asked "I've been looking for an excuse to beat on the fat bastard of months." I said they both just laughed at me.

"come to mine tonight." Stan said "my parents are out again." Stan's parents went out every weekend they decided that once Shelley went off to collage that it was time for them to start living their lives again. Which meant that I go away from the constant drunken fights at weekends 'cos stan would insist I slept there seen as Kyle's mom would never let her son spend every weekend at the Marshes house.


Wendy and I where sitting on her porch talking about nothing really but having a good time, when Kyle and Kenny walk past, they where obviously on their way to Stan's house. When Kyle doubled back.

"Hey Wendy! You know that…" I really didn't want to listen to there convocation Kyle may be number 6 in the top 10 sexiest boys in the school but when he talked with Wendy they both just sounded so 'nerdy' where as number 1 sex god himself was standing next to his friend looking severely pissed off, I guess Kyle's little chat with my best friend was cutting into Kenny's famous video game time. I shot him the same flirtatious smile I had in math earlier today which he happily returned, so we had a 'flirt-off' and then started to make fun of our significantly smarter friends. God we were acting so blonde it untrue. Kyle and Wendy said there goodbyes so Kenny and I followed suit. Wendy stood up and wandered into the house so I followed. No sooner than I got into her room she started the bombardment of questions,

"What's going on with you and Kenny?" "Why where you too flirting like that?" "do you like him or something?" on and on and on, when she finally stopped for air I answered her.

"There is nothing going on with me and Kenny. We were just having a laugh when you and Kyle were talking. And what's not to like? He is number one." She scowled at my last statement she had never really agreed to the 10 hottest list:

1)Kenny McCormick

2)Stan marsh

3)Token black

4)Craig Green

5)Clyde Donovan

6)Kyle Broflovski

7)Tweek Tweak

8)jock Smith

9)jock Roberts

10)jock Sanders

I never learnt the names of the three jocks at the end of the list and only know their last names from games, I never agreed to having them on the list (I make it a habit to avoid jocks they seen to think that because they're great on the field they're great in bed which often makes them a bad night) I didn't think we should have put Craig and Tweek on ether because they are an item, but red argued that it didn't matter and put them on the list anyway.

The phone rang interruption Wendy's scowling and she hit loud speaker "hello?" he askes in a sing-song tone.

"hey Wendy, baby." Stan's voice rang out

"Hi, Stan" Wendy replied rather girlishly (very unlike her).

"listen babe, my parent are away for the weekend again, and, well I… was wondering if you wanted to stay tonight?" it still amazes me how in the few years since middle school Stan has learnt how, even when hesitant like now he can sound completely cool, and at ease.

"Well, Bebe's staying and…" Wendy trailed off.

"Bebe can stay too, the guys are here. But I thought you might want to spend the night here without my parents for a change." Wendy's face lit up at this

"Oh, well in that case we'll be right over!" she exclaimed after the long bye-I love you-I love you more thing, Wendy went down stairs and made up a plausible tail for her parents.

Ten minutes later I find myself at the marshes front door been greeted by Stan "hey Bebe, what's up?" he asks me after greeting Wendy with a hug and delicate kiss.

"Nothin'" I reply walking towards the sound of explosions and constant gun fire. I enter the living room just as Kenny jumps into the air,

"Whoohoo! You loose again Broflovski!" he shouts as Kyle throws his controller to the ground in defeat.

"can I have a go?" I ask from the doorway as Kenny takes his seat again.

"yeah sure, take my place" Kyle responds " Kenny's too good for me anyway. He stands up and moves to the chair taking a book out of the bag that was next to him. I sit in his vacant seat, picking up the controls saying;

"Ready to get your ass kicked McCormick?"

"You wish Stevens!"

I'm pretty good at video games, well more than pretty good actually, I really enjoy sitting there racing, fighting, killing or whatever. Wendy says my secret love of video games proves I'm not a complete bimbo. I'm never sure if that's a complement or an insult, I guess it depends on context. When we finally put down the controllers the score is me 2 Kenny 5. he says I beat kyle's record of Kyle 1 Kenny 10. Kenny it seems is stupidly good at video games.

"Kenny?" Stan and Kyle ask in unison "make some food."

"Why the fuck should I?" he respond angrily

"Because, your food is always delicious and if me or Stan cook we'll probably burn the house down." Kyle responds.

"But why me?" Kenny whines "Why not ask Wendy or Bebe?"

"I asked Wendy and she said no way." Stan stated

"I'll help if you want." I offered

"Well ok then, as long as I get help." He said defeated. I know for a fact Kenny is a great cook. After his second shop class death, the school decided that he should be allowed to take home ec. Instead, to Wendy's annoyance (she had be refused shop class every year). And as a result Kenny had become a rather sufficient chef, he even taught me a few thing to boost my grade in that lesson, when I asked how he knew so much he said something about being poor and appreciation good food a hell of a lot more.


I decided to make pizza, it's fun and fast, I stood kneading the dough as Bebe mixed the sauce. I don't mind cooking for Stan and Kyle I just think that sometimes they take the fact that I can cook for granted.

"How did you get so good at video games?" I ask Bebe for convocations sake.

"natural talent." She replies "I never be as good as you though. When did you learn how to make pizza?"

"Bebe I have five part time jobs, three of which are waiting in restaurants. I pick stuff up."

"oh." Is all she can reply, i really have six jobs I'm a waiter at Shakeys', whistling willys' and casa Bonita. I pump gas at the petrol station and I work behind the bar at a sleazy joint downtown the manager doesn't seem to care that I'm underage). But my secret job the job I wouldn't tell anyone I did was that I'm the favourite male stripper at a place called 'lips'. That place is my best income $500-$1000 a night, I have quite a lot of money to my name really, I spend quite a bit on the house and food and all that shit because dad wastes his wages on booze. Obviously I don't spend all the cash I earn on my family, I'm pretty sure that I'll be able to pay my way through collage, buy or rent my own place and get a car by the end of this school year, I don't tell anyone that though I play up the poor boy routine quite well I think.

As we take the pizza out of the oven Stan comes up from the basement carrying a create full of beer cans. We all sit down devouring it pizza and getting really drunk, at about 10:30 Stan and Wendy retreat upstairs giggling, and me Kyle and Bebe sit watch crap on the T.V.

It's at this point that I notice that Bebe is sitting rather close to me. I'm not as drunk as everyone else, it's the McCormick blood in me, it takes a lot for me to get wasted, but I'm tipsy enough to not care about the fact Bebe's practically on my lap playing with my hair saying;

"ya' no… ken (hic) iz purdy obvs why… yooz is (hic) nozer one onzz… (hic) our looks list. Yooz is hot"

Kyle says something along the lines of "ohmygodbebeyouhavealistofwhosgoodlookingamionitwhatnumberidontgetitiwannaknow"

I smile to my self at this 'cos even in her drunken state Bebe under stood every word Kyle just said.

"Course you (hic) on it love. It's a list of the ten hottest guys in our year. (hic) your number six" and at that she leans over and kisses me. I guess I'm more drunk than I thought because all my senses are telling me to shove her off, but I don't. I grap her waist and pull her closer.

The clock on the DVD is flashing 8:45am and a topless Bebe is attached to my middle. And all the events of the night before come rushing back to me.

"Youse guys won't tell anyone about the list will you it's top… top… (hic) top shhcret" Bebe mumbled in between planting kisses on Kenny's lips as Kyle lay close to passed out on the floor.

"never baby" Kenny had muttered swigging from the last can of beer, he'd drank half the beer himself finally reaching a state of drunkenness similar to Bebe's and Kyle's. Bebe removed her own t-shirt as Kyle's snores filled the room then began unbuttoning Kenny's shirt giggling as he kissed her neck repeatedly eventually giving her a hickey that would last at least two weeks. Slowly she slid her hands below his waste line.

Shit. Oh fuck shit. It wasn't like Bebe and me have never done stuff like this before. But on those occasions we had both ether been or close to sober.

Shit!

I untangled myself from her grip, and went into the kitchen. I made coffee and pancakes, guessing everyone else would have hangovers. I'm so lucky to have that McCormick blood, it means I never get hangovers.


I wake up to the smell of cooking, mmm… pancakes, and coffee. I sit up pulling on a shirt that I vaguely remember Kenny wearing the night before. I go to stand up. shit dude, my heads pounding. I ample into the kitchen, and see Kenny stood shirtless flipping the pancakes I could smell when I woke up.

"Morning babe." He said in one of his I'm-so-gorgeous-fuck-me-now voices, I smile at him.

"How much did I have to drink last night?" I ask aware of the fact I can hardly remember much past Wendy going upstairs.

"Not as much as me." He stated handing me a black coffee and a plate. "Hangover?"

"shit yes. You seem to be fine though." I commented

"that Irish blood." He said, I heard a moan from the doorway. "morning Kyle."

"Hey. Breakfast?"

"Pancakes and coffee." Kenny said cheerily

"Bebe isn't that Kenny's shirt?" he asks taking the seat next to me.

"Umm… yeah I guess so."

"did I miss something?" he questioned groggily, to tell you the truth I had no idea if he missed something I could barely remember the night before, but before I could answer Kenny said;

"no dude, you didn't miss anything." thank fucking god, at this point both Wendy and Stan appear in the room stupid smiles on both their faces.

Someone got some action last night I muse.

"good morning" Wendy's voice rings out, Kyle and I moan, but Kenny replies rather happily,

"Morning Wendy. Pancakes?"

"Smells great, thank Ken." She takes the plate and sits down opposite me, Stan still stood at the door. "Kenny isn't that your shirt Bebe's wearing" she asks

"Why, yes it is Wendy." Kenny answers. I frown why do people care I'm wearing his shirt?

After breakfast we all get ready and freshen up, I brought the bag I had for Wendy's with me, she had packed a bag of her own, Kyle had too come prepared and Kenny it turned out spent so much time here on the weekends he had a supply of clothes. Stan's parents hade 'Resolve' a hangover medicine, that incidentally despite pretences everyone except Kenny had to take, I distinctly heard Kyle mutter "stupid McCormick blood, can drink more and not have hangover what the fuck" that made me laugh.