This is the sequel to 'Blessed With a Woman'. It's in Hawke's POV and details how she survives living on her own without Sebastian. Enjoy!


Chapter 1: Taking Things One Minute at a Time

I had made my mind up during the day. Watching Sebastian trying to argue his way through the nobles made me realize that it would never work. Nobles would never respect magic until it saved their skins. I understood that well enough. I was hidden in court that morning as the nobles told Sebastian that I deserved to be Counsellor, not Princess.

I don't think I would have left if Sebastian wasn't so determined to instate me as Princess but then again, his constant fighting for me was one of the traits that I loved so much about him. I suppose, I couldn't have the best of both worlds.

When night fell, my decision had already been made. I told all of my companions barring Sebastian to meet me the following morning at dawn for a surprise. They promised to be there on time. And that very night, I made love to him like the world was over.

In some ways, the world was over. Sebastian was the very air that I breathed. Without him, life might as well be done with. I know he noticed something. Where I was concerned, he had a way of knowing everything but he probably thought he could ask me the next morning, the next day. Were our positions reversed, I'm sure I would have thought the same. In some ways, it felt like the beginnings of happily ever after. We would have a forever of tomorrows to sort out our worries. We would have time… how very wrong he was.

I had felt a bittersweet smile cross my face as he fell straight to sleep after making love. With the fire glowing in the room, he looked like an angel. How fitting it was, a halo around his auburn hair, his face relaxed and calm and open. I succumbed many times into kissing him before finally rising from bed to pack. It didn't take too long. All I had in Starkhaven were my clothes and jewellery. Everything else was in Kirkwall.

It took a very long time to write the letter. I stumbled over words many times. I caught myself watching Sebastian sleep because I didn't know how to leave him. He was everything to me. He meant more to me than life itself. How could I leave?

Yet somehow, I had found that strength. For Starkhaven, for Sebastian… what wasn't I willing to do?

"Sebastian,

I could never ask for a better man, a better lover or even a better husband. If we had the chance, I know that you would have given me an incredible family. It would have been one of our own with laughing, troublesome children. I can hear the noises in my mind already.

I also want you to know that I love you very much and leaving was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. Leaving you, even the thought as I watch you sleeping breaks my heart. However, I cannot allow you to be pulled apart between duty and love. Starkhaven has too many people. I cannot demand its falling apart only for me. No matter what, I am but one woman.

I hope that you'll remember what you promised me. You will find happiness even when I am gone. I also hope that you'll break your vow. Find another woman and be happy with her. I could never begrudge you that. So, I ask that you stop fighting for me.

I have gone for Orlais and I doubt that you will ever find me there. It is too large, too vast. So please, let me go. Don't even try to look for me. Be happy. Know this though – I love you and you will always have me, mind, soul and heart.

Yours Forevermore,

Evelyn"

I folded the letter and kissed the parchment, leaving the soft pink lip stain that I almost always wore. I left it upon the pillow and succumbing to weakness one last time, I stared into his sleeping face, kissed him once more and left the bedroom, passing by Widge's room to collect him.

Widge had been confused but I explained, "You need to keep quiet. We're leaving Starkhaven."

A mabari hound was loyal to the end. Though he seemed reluctant, he followed me without any problems.

Carrying my baggage, I went downstairs to the Throne Room. Everyone was already there. I strode into the room and loudly dropped my bags. They stared at me in shock.

Anders was the first to recover, "This is the surprise you were going to tell us? You're leaving?"

I nodded, "Starkhaven will be torn apart if I don't leave. Sebastian wants me to rule by his side. The nobles won't accept a mage. If I don't go, Starkhaven will turn into the city we found. That's not what I want."

There was pandemonium. I heard the broken shouts and sobs of all my friends. My family. Aveline concluded, "We'll leave with you then. We can use Isabela's ship. We'll-"

I cut her off, "No."

Merrill had half cried out, "But you're our leader! We can't leave you! You can't leave us."

I smiled and nearly cried from her sweetness, "If all of you have ever respected me as a leader, as a sister, as a part of your family then you will do this for me. You will stay here. Protect Starkhaven. Make it better."

Fenris had, with his signature baritone-rich voice, "And what of you?"

Bethany rushed forward to me, "You said we would build a life you! You promised!"

Always the little sister. I held her to me for a moment, "I will write often and I will keep safe. Make sure you keep my letters away from Sebastian. Also, I've told him I'm going to Orlais so keep up appearances, please."

Varric asked, "Where will you be?"

I shrugged, "Kirkwall."

I stared at our group. Fenris and Isabela. Aveline and Donnic. Anders and Bethany. Three romantic relationships that had blossomed with my own. My heartstrings tugged and I nearly doubled over from the pain. Varric and Merrill – that pair was the only who had the father-daughter relationship. Merrill was too naïve for a relationship and Varric was not interested in women after taking on the duty of looking after Merrill.

With tears in my eyes, I rushed to my friends.

To Aveline I said, "I entrust Starkhaven to your safe-keeping, Guard-Captain. Do me proud, my friend." Surprisingly, she rewarded me with a fast embrace.

To Donnic I simply requested, "Look after Aveline" before shaking his hand.

Isabela had wrapped her arms tightly around me, her hands stroking at my hair. She whispered in my ear, "I know that you think you're doing the right thing but whilst you take the time away from Starkhaven, know that your family is waiting for you to come home." I wiped away tears as she spoke.

Fenris had cradled my face, telling me, "This isn't right, Valentha but should you need me, all you need to do is send word."

I clasped both Fenris and Isabela's hands in mine and told them, "Don't be crazy. Stop denying your feelings and look after each other." They nodded.

Merrill had begun openly sobbing. She muttered broken words of love and friendship into my neck and hugging her, I could only pat her back. I told her, "Be a good teacher. No more blood magic, alright?" Through tears, she had nodded.

Varric had offered me a firm handshake. He wasn't the hugging type but even he had tears in his eye. He nodded, "Hawke. Look after yourself. Bianca and I will miss you."

Bethany was another who had tears streaming from her eyes. I opened my arms and she ran into them so quickly, I nearly fell backwards. She offered, "I could-" but I shook my head. Her heart was with Anders now. They deserved their own happily ever after. I kissed her forehead and told her, "Once I'm in Kirkwall I'll write every week. Everyday if you want. Twice a day if you like. It'll be like I never left." It was the biggest lie I had ever told.

Anders was the most heartbroken. The expression on his face was the straw that broke my back or my tear ducts. So emotional, our magic connected. We stared at each other, silent to the rest of the group but we spoke in our minds.

"How could you go?" he asked.

"Starkhaven has improved so much. I can't ask for its destruction just for me."

"And what about us?"

I smiled, "Everyone has a place now-"

He yelled out in his mind, "You have a place here!"

I nodded, "But what if it led to destruction? It wouldn't be right, Anders."

Whispering into my mind, "I love you", Anders retreated just as Justice reached forward to echo his farewells.

I murmured back, "I know. I love you, too."

Our connection broke and crying, Anders held me close. Tears dropped onto his neck but he didn't complain. I said out loud, "Look after Bethany for me."

Lifting my baggage and whistling a loud note, Widge and I walked to the double doors. I turned for a brief moment and stared at my family, watched them until my vision became blurry and fogged. I told them in a broken voice, "I'll write soon. I love all of you so much."

Pulling the hood of my robe over my face, tears streamed down my face but my pace never faltered. The heart ache was immense. I couldn't breathe but I heard it in my ears, gasping as though there was no oxygen.

Widge and I were on a ship out of Starkhaven within an hour. I sat on the deck, my face curled into Widge's warm fur as I tried to live life one moment at a time.


A/N: I cried writing this. I guess I was imagining me leaving my group of friends and the heartache it entailed. Did you enjoy it? Please R&R!

Love, Ann