Chapter 1: Numb
A/N: So here's a new story, hopefully longer than my oneshots, and decidedly angsty. I meant to start a different story, but this one came out instead, so here we are. Apologies, I know this chapter is short, but if the muses allow, the next chapter will be a bit longer. Hope you enjoy either way! I suppose this needs a warning label right here, as it includes a large amount of alcohol consumption, and Killian is pretty depressed. Also, because this should be put here as well: I don't own Killian Jones or Once Upon A Time, H & K do.
After they'd gone through the portal, they arrived in Neverland not too long after. Night was beginning to fall, so once Killian had confirmed the night shifts and sent the off-duty men to their bunks, he had left the helm in the capable hands of his first mate and headed to his captain's cabin to(supposedly) examine the maps and chart their course. He now sat, slumped over his desk, maps spread around him, a half empty bottle of rum and glass off to one side.
After a while of staring past the map he currently had in front of him, he gave up on trying to focus on them, and shoved them to the side of his desk with his hooked arm, reaching with his right hand to pick up the rum bottle. He froze, bottle in mid-air when he uncovered something on his desk he'd forgotten about. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, then filled the glass and took a long drink before picking up the papers he'd uncovered.
They were all pictures that Milah had drawn. The top was an incomplete sketch of herself in the tavern where she'd met him, which she'd been working on just before they arrived in the last port, right before she— no. He stopped that train of thought immediately, killed it with fire, and set the page aside. The next few were detailed studies of the ship...he tossed these aside as well. Next in the pile was a portrait of himself, sitting at his desk and laughing at something she'd said. He almost smiled at the memory of exactly what she'd said to him that day, then stopped himself, feeling almost guilty that he was already able to smile again.
He took a moment and another drink to compose himself, then flipped to the next drawing, which showed the two of them standing at the helm, both looking blissfully happy; his hands over hers, training her to be his helmsman. The second to last were drawings of her fond memories from her old life with the coward...Baelfire at different stages of his childhood, her favorite flowers, the kindly crone in the marketplace who sold fruits, the view from her door. The final sketch was actually two on the same page, the first being him holding a sword crossed in front of him defensively, and the second being a memory from when she'd taught him her favorite dance from her home, Milah wrapped in his arms and smiling at him.
Killian stared at the last drawing, regret settling over him and through him, giving him a certain numbness and detachment from the situation. He drew in a breath, and set down the page, rearranging them into how he'd found them. Milah's face stared up at him, and the beginnings of grief washed over him like an icy, but terribly familiar wave. He picked up the nearly empty glass, tossed back the last of its contents, then refilled it. He looked up from his desk, to the one wall covered in Milah's artwork, feeling as though he should be sobbing, or agonizing over his loss, but again, only the blanket of numbness, and no real emotion was able to seep through it. He turned away, forcing himself to focus on the charts, and started on his second(or was it third? He couldn't quite remember.) glass of rum.
Hours later, their current location and course were almost plotted out, Killian had finished the bottle of rum about an hour previous, and the numbness had lifted, but only slightly, just enough for him to know that the alcohol was on its way out of his system and that he was exhausted. Killian rose from his chair, threw his coat and vest to one side, kicked off his boots, and stumbled into bed, sleep claiming him almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.
So, opinions? Should I continue this? Reviews are always appreciated! Thanks for reading!
