AN: Hey guys, this is my first fic! Please be nice. This song is one of my favorites, Monster by Skillet.

Disclaimer: I may have red hair but my name is Emily, not Richelle. I don't own anything but I wish I owned Dimitri ;)

Random Fact: The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69. From 1725-1765, a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets. (someone needs a new hobby lol)

The secret side of me, I never let you see
I keep it caged but I can't control it

The darkness is too dangerous, I can't show weakness

So stay away from me, the beast is ugly
I feel the rage and I just can't hold it

I try to fight but it's a losing battle

It's scratching on the walls, in the closet, in the halls

It's always at the back of my mind. Taunting me. Mocking me

It comes awake and I can't control it
Hiding under the bed, in my body, in my head

I am out of control; the rational part of me is securely locked away

Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

Nobody notices my suffering; nobody cares about a mere dhamphir

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin

I can always feel it, fighting with my mind day and night

I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I am out of control, nothing better than a savage animal

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

My secret side I keep hid under lock and key
I keep it caged but I can't control it

Nobody notices, I just try to fight it. Suffering in silence. Always in silence

'Cause if I let him out he'll tear me up, break me down
Why won't somebody come and save me from this, make it end?

Can't they see that I am well on my way down the path of insanity? Can't Sparky, Lissa, Dimitri, anyone help me?

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I am a monster; I can't stop the darkness

I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I try to fight but it's too strong. Too strong for someone who is as weak as I am

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

The darkness is waiting, always waiting. The ghosts are mocking me, tormenting me, killing me

It's hiding in the dark, it's teeth are razor sharp
There's no escape for me, it wants my soul, it wants my heart

The ghost want me dead, they are always waiting until I'm too weak to fight

No one can hear me scream, maybe it's just a dream

Nobody cares, I'm alone always alone. Left in my increasingly unstable thoughts

Maybe it's inside of me, stop this monster

I shouldn't guard Lissa, she deserves better than this half-crazed mess

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I hate what I've become, the nightmare's just begun
I must confess that I feel like a monster

I should be locked up, I'm a danger to society. But anything for my dear Lissa

I feel it deep within, it's just beneath the skin
I must confess that I feel like a monster
I've gotta lose control, he something radical
I must confess that I feel like a monster

Nobody cares, I don't have the strength to fight. Maybe the ghosts are right.

I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster
I, I feel like a monster

I am going insane very slowly, way too slowly. Somebody end this pain.

I am just about to be lost permanently in the black abyss of my mind when my savior arrives

"Roza, this isn't you. Fight it for me and for Lissa"

I listen to him and I have won the battle today, but I may very well lose tomorrow.