DISCLAIMER: I'm truly flattered if you thought that I was JK Rowling . . . but I doubt she would be. I'm not her, and I don't own Harry Potter and friends.
A/N: Silly, pointless and very short innuendo laden ficlet. Written because I was bored and wanted to procrastinate instead of do my Maths homework (but, really, what would you have rather done?). Please review!
"Hermione?"
"Ron?"
"Look!"
"At what?"
"At THAT!"
"Oh, my Goodness!"
"It's huge!"
"Mmm . . . not really . . ."
"It is!"
"I've seen bigger."
"Really?"
"Mm-hmm."
"But . . . but it's enormous!"
"I suppose it really depends on what angle you're looking at it from."
"Oh, and I suppose it looks tiny from where you are?"
"Positively minuscule."
"Hmpf."
"What?"
"You're making me feel inadequate!"
"Why?"
"Stop laughing! Because I can't deal with it, that's why!"
" . . . "
"I said 'stop laughing', not 'laugh harder'!"
"I'm sorry."
"Sounds like it."
"Oh, don't be mad."
"Hmpf."
"Heh – you look cute when you're sulking."
"Oi!"
"So . . . I suppose you want me to do something with it?"
"Will you?"
"It's what girlfriends are for!"
"Thank you, Hermione. I love you a lot."
"I would hope so, too!"
"What are you doing?"
"Well, I'm not dealing with it with my bare hands! Even I'm not that brave. I've got to put something over it."
"Here, I've got something."
"Thanks."
"Got it?"
"Yep . . ."
"Have you covered it yet?"
"Nearly . . . just . . . let me . . . there!"
"Is it safe? Fully covered, I mean?"
"Yep, fully covered and safe and all that."
"Good, good. Now we can concentrate on getting rid of it."
"You mean, I can concentrate on getting rid of it."
"Well, yeah . . . Merlin, I'm feeling all inadequate again . . ."
"Well, frankly you are being pathetic over it. It's only a tiny little thing, and—"
"Aw, 'Mione, don't start that again!"
"Don't call me ''Mione' and I won't bring it up."
"Fair enough. Do you want me to open up the—"
"No, it's OK. I can manage with my other hand."
"Sure?"
"Sure."
"Well . . . I guess it's over to you, then."
"I'm director of operations, then?"
"The honour's all yours."
"Why, thank you."
"Nearly there?"
"Just . . . about . . . I'm . . . AAH! Merlin, that was stiff!"
"Well, I did ask if you wanted a hand opening it . . ."
"No – I managed to do it all myself – and look: one enormous-slash-miniscule depending on your viewpoint spider, out the window, one glass and one piece of card on the bookshelf, ready for similar emergencies. And I even managed to open the window myself, and it was dead stiff!"
"You, my love, are a true Gryffindor!"
"What, because I can open windows?"
"No, silly. Because you got rid of the spider for me. Without using magic, too!"
"Well, my wand is over on the other side of the room, with yours. I didn't have much choice!"
"I suppose . . ."
"Can I ask you a question? Another one, I mean?"
"Go ahead."
"What would you have done? If I hadn't been here, I mean?"
"Stayed hiding in bed. With the spider on the floor, trapping me here."
" . . . "
"Stop laughing!"
"Sorry."
"Oh, get back up here, 'Mione. I'm getting cold."
"Sure thing, Ronald!"
"Aaah!"
"What?"
"You're feet are cold! Especially on my—"
"Well, don't call me 'Mione, then."
" . . . "
" . . . "
"I love you, Hermione."
"Love you too, Ronald."
Told you it was innuendo laden. What did ya think? Let me know . . . press the purple button! :o)
