A/N: So I am revamping. I went back to work on this and changed some things. I am working on the next chapter now. Nothing really new, if you are aready reading this one, but some things have changed.


After the Battle

I see him looking at me from across the Great Hall. I know that he wants to talk to me, and I can see the look in his eyes. He is determined to make the time for it, but not yet. I am not ready for it. When I look in his eyes I see my heart shattered on the ground in a million pieces. I know he is alive now, and I know everything is supposed to be okay, but it's not because he died. I saw Hagrid carry him out of the forest, and I saw Voldemort throw his body around like a rag doll and proclaim victory. So all I see is him, lying lifeless on the ground, and I hear Ron and Hermione screaming and crying, the devastation on the faces of everyone around me. I feel my father hold me back as I try to run to him. I feel the emptiness, it's like my heart has been replaced by a black hole, and there is no relief. His eyes, I was sure I was never going to fall into the pools of emerald again. Everytime our eyes meet, it kills me. It's worse because I can see the love and the happiness and planning in his mind. I wonder if he can sense the hurt in mine.

I look down and Fred is lying lifeless on the floor, with my mother and George draped over him sobbing. He is lying next to Lupin, Tonks, Colin, and countless other who will never see how wonderful it is to be free of such evil. I am dead on the inside. I can't bear it. It's too much to deal with this, I need to escape. I turn and run.

"Ginny!" my mother cries out.

"Ginny! Ginny!" my brothers call out for me, but I don't turn.

I have to get away. I need space, I can't breathe. I run out the doors, toward the lake, seeing all the blood on the lawn, as red streaks as I fly by. I run until I am on the other side of the lake. I find the small outcrop of trees where I used to hide with him. It's our place no one will ever look for me here. I lay down on the damp grass. It's cold, but I don't really notice. Everything is cold now, I guess this must be what shock feels like. I just lay there looking up at the leaves. Staring, trying to forget everything. I need to forget.

I don't know how long I am there, I wake up and I am still alone and it is dark. Finally, I start to cry. I hope this is a good sign, that is will lessen some of the pain. I know no one can make me feel better. The only person in the world, who could ever make me feel better, is the only person in the world I know I can't see because I'm pretty sure I will completely break if he is too close. I am falling apart and one more look from him will do irreversible damage to my already fragile mental state, but I want him. I want him and I know that I have to be far away before he can find me.

I can hear people shouting my name. I must have been gone a long time. I know that no one knows to look for me here. Only one other person knows this place and I hear him call out. That beautiful, haunting voice of his, is beckoning me to him. I feel my body shake. I have to get out of here. I can't deal with this now. I just can't bear to see his face or feel his touch. Oh, his touch would kill me now. I can't do this, not now, not yet. I sneak out of the trees, to the edge of the forest. I slowly make my way back until I can see my brother Charlie

"Charlie" I call out.

"Ginny, where have you been, we have been looking for you for hours. Mum is about to collapse with worry… Geez, Gin, you look like hell."

"Charlie, I need your help. I am not ready to see… him, yet. Do you think you could sneak me back into the castle, you can send mum up as soon as we find somewhere. Please Charlie, I don't think I can.. I don't want to…" I hear my self sobbing. I really need to go somewhere and lay down.

"Gin, I think you are in shock. You need to breathe. Take slow deep breaths, there you go. Are you sure you want us to keep Harry away, I mean he is going to snap…" he asks.

All I can do is nod. He said his name. I can't hear his name. The world starts to spin, and I can see the black forming around the edge of my vision. In the center, black hair, gorgeous green eyes that are lifeless on the ground. Oh, Gods, I feel Charlie's arms catch me before I hit the ground.


I watch her run out of the hall with her family calling out to her. I started to go after her; I knew exactly where she is running to. I saw the anguish in her eyes, I know that she is angry, hurt. I don't know what I'm going to say, I just need to go to her. Just as I turn to head for the door, I am surrounded by dozens of people patting me on the back, congratulating me, gripping me in tight hugs. Can't they tell I need to go? Don't they feel the tension radiating off my body? The only body I want to feel close to mine is hers. The only voice I want to hear is hers. Why won't these people leave me alone? I realize that I have to deal with all of this before I can focus on her. I don't want to but, I can't see any way to escape now. Merlin, she looked so bloody broken. I need to fix it, now… Before it's too late.

"Kingsley, I want to meet with you first thing in the morning to discuss the future of the Ministry. Is that okay with you?" I yell out. People start to back away as I close distance between us.

"Harry that will be wonderful, I have several things that I need to discuss with you, but you look like hell. You need some sleep." He calls back.

"Thanks, Kingsley. I feel like hell." As I pat him on the back, I lean in, "I'm going to say something quick, but do you think you can deal with this after that?" He nods.

"Thank you, everyone," the hall falls silent; everyone is hanging on my every word. "I plan to speak with everyone who had a part in helping me. But first I need to be with my family. I have lost several dear friends, and a few people who were my only family." At this, I have to talk a second to control my emotions as thoughts of Fred, Remus, Tonks, and Colin, flow through my mind. "I just would like to say, to everyone here, without all of you, this would not be over and I can't tell you how happy I am that it is. Tom Riddle was a horrible person, but none of you need to worry anymore, it is truly over. Thank you."

I look over and see Hermione beaming at me, with Ron's arms wrapped tightly around her waist. I can't help but smile for a second, because they finally are together. Then I think of Ginny. The look in her eyes, when mine met hers was the most heartbreaking thing I had ever seen, to know that I caused that made me want to tear my heart out. I have to go find her, I need to go find her, to explain to her why things had to go the way they did. I need her to forgive me for every bit of hurt I have caused her over the last year. But as I decide this Molly comes rushing up and envelopes me in a bone crushing hug.

We make our way over to Fred, Remus, and Tonks. I let the tears of hurt and guilt flow down my face. This is going to be hard summer. Poor Teddy, who will grow up like me without his parents, why didn't Tonks stay put at her parent's house? I look over at the Weasleys taking turns, crying over Fred, with George draped over his brother looking completely lost.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean for all of this. It should have just been me." I cry, this is horrible, all of this death and destruction because of me. Why all of these people why not just me.

"Nonsense Harry, dear, without you all of us would be dead. We have you to thank for all of our lives." Molly says as she hugs me again. Even as she says these things I feel her start to shake with grief against my shoulder. I look up and all the Weasleys are nodding in agreement with tear streaked faces.

I spend the next several hours, making rounds around the castle, speaking briefly to every injured person and every family member of the lost, but really I am searching for Ginny. I need to see her, touch her, be engulfed in her smell. I need to make sure all of this is real. Just as I start to walk down the corridor to the Fat Lady, Ron runs up.

"Harry, have you seen Ginny? No one can find her. We have searched the whole castle, we are about to start the grounds, do you think you can help?" he asked almost frantic.

"Why didn't anyone tell me sooner. I've been looking for her all this time. If she isn't in the castle, then I have a pretty good idea where she is." I tell him.

"Great. Hermione and me, we thought that you might." He sighs.

As I head toward the entrance hall and out onto the grounds, I think back to last spring and how many glorious hours we spent hidden in a lovely secluded section of trees by the lake. It was our own little world. No war, no death, no classes or exams, just the two of us together. The feel of her hands running through my hair, the feel of her lips on mine, locked in long passionate kisses. The smell of her, completely engulfing me, letting myself get lost in her, completely. It was amazing, I wish I could have stayed there forever.

I call out softly as I near the trees. I can feel it somewhere inside my soul. She is hiding here. I approach and I can hear her creeping out of the trees on the opposite side. I can't figure out why she is trying so hard to stay away. Why, she can't feel the primal pull that I feel for us to be together. I watch as she sneaks along the tree line toward her brother, Charlie. I just stand and watch in awe at the way her body moves, and how much I want to run to her. I watch as she talks to her brother, from where I stand, I can see her face crumple in pain, and then I see the rest of her body follow.

I take off running, but Charlie is faster than I am, even though he is carrying her. I chase after him, and catch up as we get to the Common Room. As he rushes in with her, I see McGonagall give him one look and wave her wand at the stairs to the girl's dormitory.

"Go," is all she says to him.

I move to follow him up the stairs, but I am met at the base by Ron and Hermione.

"Harry," she says, "I think you should just let her rest. Let Mrs. Weasley go up and make sure she is okay before you rush up there. She has had a really rough time and I think she is in shock."

"But Hermione, I …" I start. She can't be serious, she wants me to wait down here. Doesn't she realize I have to be with her. I have to.

"She is right Harry, just wait 'til Charlie comes back down and tells us what is going on." Ron says and pats me on the shoulder.

I sigh dejectedly. I sink onto the nearest sofa. I lay my head back and close my eyes. I think back to the crumpled, pained expression on her face as she collapsed. I wonder if I caused that pain, just the thought of it is enough to make me want to jump out the tower window. I hear Charlie come down the stairs so I jump up. I know before he even starts to talk what he is going to say.

"Harry," he says sadly, "I know you want to go up there, but I think it is a bad idea. I don't know exactly what she is thinking, but she asked me specifically to hide her from you, before she collapsed. I don't think she can handle it right now can you just…"

"WHAT! You want me to just sit down here. I don't think so. What do you mean she wants to hide from me? I know I have to explain a lot to her. Just let me past, I need to be up there when she wakes up. I need to be there… Don't you … Please…" I plead.

"No, I can't let you do that. Just wait…"

I am pretty sure that my heart has stopped beating. I can't catch my breathe. I sink down to the floor. They don't understand. I need Ginny, like oxygen. I have to fix this or my world will end. The distance between us is too much. I closed myself off, so I could end this war and now I just need her.

"Harry," Hermione's voice sounds far away and muddled, "Harry, it's okay. Look at me Harry." I try to focus. I can see her face but it's blurry, "Listen, Ginny is in shock. You have to give her time. This is a lot to handle. Just take a deep breathe. There you go, now let's just go up to your dormitory and lie down."

I breathe in and out slowly, my vision slowly starts to clear and I can feel my body start to respond to my thoughts.

"Hermione, I can't leave here. I have to wait for her. I have to." I can barely whisper.

Just then Mrs. Weasley comes back down from the girl's tower.

"Well, she is going to be fine, just needs rest. Harry, dear, I know. You really need to rest, it looks like it has been days since you slept." She waves her wand and turns one of the couches into bed. "Just lie down now dear, she will wake up soon." She smiles sadly.


Several hours later, I am lying on the bed in the common room. Thinking. Trying to figure out how I am possibly going to explain everything that happened to her. I don't know what to say to make her understand how much it hurts me to know the pain I have caused her. I know I am not good with words, and I have never been so afraid of how much my fumbling ways could destroy what I need most, her.

I hear shouts coming from the girl's dormitory, I hear her voice. Relief washes over me, knowing that she is okay. I can hear things being thrown haphazardly, then I hear stomping on the stairs. I wait. This is it. This is the moment that she throws herself into my arms, and we can begin to live. Live the life we are supposed to have, together.

She strides right past me, without even looking. It breaks my heart, I don't understand why this is happening. I can sense it though, she knows I am here. What can I possible do if she won't even look at me? She climbs into the fireplace, as she floos away, my eyes catch hers. I put every bit of longing and hurt into them, so that maybe she will stay, but she just disappears in a burst of green flames.