The Bird and the Bee
Characters: Dave, Sollux
Cameos: dunno...homestuck peoples I guess
Rating: M for much later chapters because of drinking, smex, all that fun college nonsense
Warnings: cussing and general homestuck-ness
Genre: Romance/ Humor
After the scratch was weird. Well, weird because everything went back to sickening normal. Almost ironic. There was even the sloppy makeouts Karkat promised. Pretty magical. The only thing different about the world that the kids didn't expect from their pre-game lives, is that trolls were now just another race of people. No one thought anything of it, and now, even the other trolls just accepted it.
Now it was college time, and in some random twist of fate, they were all accepted to the same college, and they all accepted. Hey what's college without friends, right?
Everyone was even paired together in the dorms, it might have been due to the fact that Rose played mind games on the administrators, but you didn't see anyone complaining. Except Karkat, but lets just ignore that.
It went as follows:
Karkat and John
Gamzee and Tavros
Kanaya and Rose
Equius and Eridan
Feferi and Jade
Vriska and Terezi
Aradia and Nepeta
and Drumroll please...
Dave and Sollux.
[S] WATCH OUR HEROES REACT
Now everyone that the dorm advisory (coughRosecough) paired up were either literally paired up, or they were the four greatest RP girls you would ever meet...oh yeah and Dave and Sollux.
"FUCK. IM WITH THE FUCKING DORK. GOG COULD NOT BE CRUELER!" Karkat yelled to really no one.
"Yay! Con Air marathons! Then we could cuddle afterward Karkitty!"
"JOHN! SHUT UP!" Karkat blushed red and finally stopped yelling as he covered John's mouth, "I told you not to call me that in public fuckass"
John smiled as he wiggled free and hugged the crabby troll who seemed a good inch shorter than him, "well you can call me whatever you want in public Karkat. that is why we are Matesprits for life"
He grumbled and said no more, even as Vriska and Terezi made several whip and cat noises. He only responded with a middle finger in there direction behind John's back as they walked off to their dorm room.
Gamzee chuckled at his morial and hugged Tavros from behind the waist, "Miracles, that is all I can say. I get my best bro all to myself."
Tavros blushes deeply and looked down at his metal feet wondering what to say, "Uh...Yeah! It will be miracles!" he then nuzzled Gamzee softly being careful of his horns. And when he looked back at the sheet he saw Gamzee drawing a heart around both their names "Gamzee! Don't...uh...write on the paper!"
Gamzee chuckled and pulled him into a sweet kiss, "Nah bro. The whole campus is gonna look at that paper and see that your my one and only matesprit. My little miracle. Everyone's gotta know so they know your adorable self belongs to Gamzee in dorm...uh...143"
Tavros blushed more and buried his face in his chest as Gamzee stroked his softly fluffy mohawk chuckling.
"Well This Is A Pleasant Surprise Rose" Kanaya commented looking at the list carefully for the fourth time to make sure she had everything down.
"Of course Kanaya. If I was going to make sure we had the same dorm I had to do the same for our friends"
"Rose? You Did This? But Isn't This A Form Of Delinquency?"
"Hush." Rose shooshed and stroked kanaya's face" It doesn't not matter now, lets just unpack your many lovely dresses"
"Well...Alright Rose" Kanaya said with smile until Eridan pushed past her to the paper
"Outta the wway!" Eridan huffed
Equius came up close behind, sweating and looked to kanaya "I am terribly sorry, he just gets very pushy when he is anxious. Please Forgive him, if not for his sake, mine"
Kanaya sighed and nodded at the blue blooded troll, who obviously was still getting used to taking care of the fussy sea dweller. "I Understand Dear. I Have Had Experience With Children Much Worse Than Him"
"Ha! If that ith even pothible!" Sollux lisped as he walked through the space inbetween them
"AHHH! EQ! ITS COMIN NEAR ME! DEFEND YOUR MATESPRIT!"
"calm the fuck down ath" the mustard blood retorted
"NO! Your goin to hurt me! Wwith your wweird powwers to make me bloww up! then eq wwont havve a corpse to morn ovver!"
Sollux groaned and facepalmed. This was NOT helping his headache.
Equius soon saved Sollux by picking Eridan up bridal style and carried him to the slip of paper and sighed in relief when his name was paired with Eridan's. He heard Rose had arranged it and was very grateful, as no other troll or human could endure Eridan for more than a few days besides Equius. Eridan was needy and needed to be constantly reminded he was loved due to his several years of plain out abandonment, and Equius was willing to please but was very surprised at the other side of Eridan that no one ever saw but him. But that is a story for another time and place, all that you need to know now is that Eridan softly purred as Equius smiled softly and carried him off.
"Meow!" Nepeta purred as she came out of no where "I told you Aradia! Equius is definitely the the dominant one"
"w0w. well I guess that is the best five d0llars I ever l0st." Aradia replied look over the sheet more than at the betting material
"4LL 1 T4ST3 1S SW34T 4ND F1SH ST1CKS." Terezi complained
"Well o8viouslyyyyyyyy it was that sad excuse for a fish and sweat tastic redding up the place with their 'lets be all redrom all over the place till every sad sack has found true love!'. Gag me 8efore they come backkkkkkkk"
"W1TH MY C4N3? TH4T C4N B3 4RR4NG3D" Terezi then tried to shove her cane down vriska's throat but she kept slapping it away boredly
"Vriwhiska! That is a mean thing to say about mr ampurra and equius! They are our furriends!"
"No they are your friends. I have no idea why you still hang out with them though." she said now full on fighting against Terezi's cane
Nepeta's face fell. She hated when her friends fought. They had been through so much! She whould just have to teach Vriska a lesson by beating her silly in their rpg game...and the fact that she was getting whapped on the head by Terezi's cane made her feel so much better.
Aradia leaded her to the sheet she was distracted by before to point out their names "Nepeta, I am pleased t0 inf0rm y0u that we are r00m mates. I believe this might be fun"
"oh yay!" Nepeta purred and glomped her red friend "now we can really become the best rpg plafures ever! Claws now we can play all the time with each other!" the two hugged and waved goodbye to their other friends as they left.
"Terezi! Stop it!" Vriska hissed through her teeth
"YOU STOP 1T H3H3H3H3" she chuckled and finally shoved some of the stick into her mouth before she spit it out and groaned
"guhhhhhhh! Dammitttttttt! I fucking hate you!"
"T3LL M3 SOM3TH1NG N3W"
"Hey! Stop fighting! There is way to much excitement to fight!" Feferi scolded and stepped in between the other two
"Careful Feferi!" Jade said, not wanting to fight or see others fight unless necessary
READER: BE SOLLUX'S POV IN THIRD PERSON
Sollux groaned again, resisting that always tempting urge to slam his head against something thick and solid to drown out all this bickering friends. Why had he decided to sign up for more of this when accepting this school's acceptance letter? Why didn't he realize this would happen? Oh yeah, he was fully paid, but that was an excuse. He came to this college in hopes of getting closer to Feferi. And DING DING DING if you guessed 'he would still have no chance in hell' you are correct! You just won a free car! Nope. No cars. Just a joke. Get back to your careless lives.
Yeah so Feferi and Jade were together. Sollux thought he had a chance but he had no idea Feferi had any quadrant feelings for Jade, and that was his down fall. She thought he just wanted to be 'B-EST FRI-ENDS 38D'. He sighed. He was going to make the best of this, get a degree in hacking, and leave these migraine starters to fight amongst themselves. He ignored the constant chattering and arguing as he finally got to the list
"Thtrider...huh"
"You called?"
READER: BE IN DAVE'S POV, AND ALSO BACK IN TIME
I walked into the hall and looked at the paper. I didn't really care who I got as my room mate (as long as it wasn't that clown dude. I was pretty sure that mellow bastard would kill me in my sleep.), cool kids like me weren't supposed to. It would be the tits if I got Terezi, man was she a good lay, and maybe I could sway her into dating my fine piece of ass. We could have fun, no scratch that, we would have fun. I could show her all the tasty colors of the mother fucking rainbow. Shit would be nice, but knowing Rose, I knew it wouldn't go down that way. I had pulled to many ironic pranks on her, and she was going to want pay back.
Soon everyone was there all talking and giggling, I just laid back though, waiting for whoever I was with to come up to me. I was enjoying this show too much.
"Hey, Rose?" I called to her as Terezi started fighting with Vriska
"Hm? What is it Dave, can't you see I'm kinda busy trying to calm people down?"
"It seems like everyone's been picked by you for their dorm mates. Who am I supposed to be with?"
"Oh, You know him. I seriously don't get why you guys aren't 'best of bros' yet. You two are so similar that it is almost hilarious. Haha. See? See that laugh? Ironic wouldn't you say?"
I just looked at her. She somehow knew that I hated this. Hated her trying to be ironic. She would do it so bad on purpose making her irony ironic. Irony was my and Bro's thing.
"Well at leat I didnt put you with Gamzee, but I was very tempted to. He promised me I could have anything I ever wanted. Even Maplehoof."
"Shut up about that bib-worthy horse. It is gone. End of story."
"No."
"Whatever. Just tell me who I am paired with then"
"Well they have glasses"
"Well that fucking narrows it down."
She smirked as I thought it over
"John"
"Nope"
"Fuck. Hm...Terezi?"
"Nope. She is with Vriska."
"Shit. Strong guy?"
"No, not Equius"
"Hipster Fish"
"With Equius"
"Why do so many fucking people have glasses?"
"Shoosh, keep guessing"
"Jade? That would be cool."
"Nope, she is with Feferi."
"Dammit. Hot though, but dammit. Well you got me, who is it?"
As I finished guessing I heard a lisped verison of my last name from the edge of my hearing range. I left Rose, who assumed I heard it, and walked up to the culprit.
"You called?"
He was short, yet taller than Karkat (but who wasn't?). Skinny enough to make his bones create sharp angles at his joints. His Bumbee Transformer Jacket was probably a small but on him it was huge and baggy. It suited him. Skinny jeans ripped at the knees, and dirty mustard Converse with purple bees drawn on them. Oh, not to meantion his four horns and glasses with blue and red shades that put 3-D to envy. Oh, that's who it was.
"Captor?"
"Nooo I'm Gandi you thtupid fuck."
"Nice to see you too."
Hehe so yeah
How do you like it?
I plan to write more homestuck stuff and I plan for this to be long...even have stories that interweave with this one :D
...and yeah the ones that are couples above are my favorite pairings, so plan to see stories of those. Espeically Equius x Eridan. There is not enough of them for my taste. Bluh. Rambling. Anyways get on with reading lovelys
