She heard the voices again, whispering softly in the night. They were quiet, gentle voices trying to soothe her in her pain. She lay there silently trying to identify who the voices belonged to but they were too jumbled in her head. She knew her time here was almost over and she welcomed the end.
Her life had been hard. She had started off trying to fit in, then realising it was impossible, that she was setting herself up for failure, she decided to shut her emotions away and build a wall around her heart.
That wall had been solid for a long time, she never let anyone in, never felt the need to. She had dealt with her isolation.
The first time she realised part of that wall was falling was when she first started working in LA. She had gone to LA to be near one of her only friends, he had needed her help with his daughter and she had gone willingly. She trusted few people at that point in her life.
Then she had met the one person she could love completely, he had been the only new person in her life who accepted her for who she was. He didn't need her to have social graces, didn't need her to be like the others but at the same time he accepted her. He had been a good man but he was badly damaged. He'd not always been that way, but that was before she had met him. Her first impression of him was of someone carrying the weight of the world on his shoulders, she knew he had been hurt, had hurt himself in many ways. He had spent his life trying to protect others, trying to do what was best for those he cared about. But, some of the time he failed and the burden of that never left him.
The voices were growing louder now, calling to her, telling her to walk to them. She felt peace for the first time in her life. She felt a sense of joy that she was finally joining them. It had been too long, too lonely without them. She couldn't go just yet though, she had to remember, had to leave this life understanding what it had been about.
She remembered the day she had lost him, fifteen years before when he had walked away from her. He felt he had no choice and for a long time she felt angry about that. Angry that he hadn't chosen her, believing that he had opted for the easy way out; walking to his certain death in one last heroic gesture. They'd had such a short time together and whilst she had known he loved her he couldn't seem to leave it all behind him. He kept going and going, afraid to stop the only thing he knew, feeling as though he couldn't stay still, couldn't be happy for longer than the shortest of moments.
She strained again to hear the voices, trying to recognise the one voice she could go to. But nothing…, it wasn't time just yet.
Fifteen years to the day since she had last seen him. He had come to her to say goodbye, telling her he would see her again but not in this life. He had given up this life to save others, he'd done that more than once in many ways but this time had been final. He had held her tight, whispering to her and telling her that she had to do one last thing for him. He'd asked her to live the life she wanted, not the life she thought she should lead. That had come from his heart, his experience of living a life full of compromise, full of division and he hadn't wanted that for her.
She'd given him what he wanted even though it hadn't been in the way he thought. She hadn't chosen the nice life that most people had, that was the life she thought she probably should have. No, she had chosen to continue his legacy, had fought for those around her. She sometimes won, sometimes lost, just like him. But that was the life she had wanted. It was her way of keeping him with her.
She closed her eyes again, listening. The beep of the machines around her began to fade, as did the pain from her wounds. She knew she was nearing the end but couldn't go, not until she heard his voice. She knew he would call her when it was time.
The other voices were growing stronger, she smiled to herself as she heard the lisping sound of Edgar, calling her name and telling her he was waiting for her. Others were telling her the same thing; that it was nearly her time; that they had missed her and were there for her when she was ready.
Then she heard it, the velvety gruffness that consumed her, the sound of his voice calling to her. She walked towards that sound, through a tunnel of light that had a smoky feel to it. Thick plumes of white smoke surrounded her as she made her way through, the voice getting stronger with each step she took.
Back at her bedside the high pitched continuous sound of the machine hooked up to her alerted the nurse that she had left. The nurse switched off the machine, a twinge of sadness colouring her mood as she thought of this woman who had done so much for her country, had been a hero in the true sense of the word. She had died alone, no-one at her bedside telling her they loved her or that they would miss her.
His voice was so strong now that she could almost imagine him standing in front of her but she still couldn't see him. She felt the panic rise in her throat at the thought that perhaps this was all she would get of him, hearing but not seeing. That had been the story of their relationship; they had talked often without seeing each other. After a few moments the smoke began to clear. She could make out a crowd of people waiting for her, she recognised them and felt happiness for the first time in a long time. There they were; Edgar, Michelle, Tony, David Palmer………. Finally she reached them; they were all smiling in welcome. They pulled apart so she could walk through them to the sound of his voice.
Then, as she thought it would never happen, she saw him. He was standing back from the crowd, alone as he always had been. As she reached him he pulled her to him and held her. She reached up to touch his face, exactly as she remembered it.
