Thirty Drabbles in Thirty Days

Day One: Empty

This is day one of my challenge to write thirty drabbles in thirty days. There are thirty prompts that will be used one for each day. Today I have chosen EMPTY.

Here I sit on this cool Autumn morning, staring out across the vast land that surrounds this home, our home. As the sun rises to cast it's light upon this world, I can not help but feel cold. The rays of light that are touching my skin should be warming me, but I can not feel. I am numb. Maybe it's best that way. For if I felt, the pain would surely kill me. The pain of knowing that you aren't around anymore. The hole that is inside of me would only fill with pain. I would rather just leave it empty.

As I run my and over my protruding belly, I wonder what I'm going to tell this child. That you died protecting us? That you would still be alive if I hadn't been stupidly hard headed and stayed were I was suppose to? If I hadn't went against everyone's wishes and joined in the battle. The battle I had no real business being in. If I hadn't wanted to prove everyone wrong, you would still be alive.

You would still be alive and know that we're having a boy. You would have been there to see the projection the mediwitch showed me. He has all ten fingers and all ten toes. He is getting along just fine. I wish you would be here to see him grow up, to teach him all the things that you wanted to. I will try my best to raise him in a way that would make you proud.

Your mother has been my biggest ally. She lost her husband and son in the same year, she knows exactly how I feel. People who pass us on the street look at us and give us a courteous nod or a weak smile. Some know exactly where we are, being in our shoes once. Some just don't understand. They still judge you for all the bad things you did, not all of the good. It does not matter what they think. The only thing that matters is what I know. I know that you were good. I know that you loved me with all your heart, and you would have loved the child I'm carrying.

As I lay here, crying and screaming your name, you don't come. The only ones that are here are your mother on my left and my mother on my right. The healer is trying to calm me, but how can I be calm when this is all wrong? You should be here holding my hand and wiping the sweat beads that are falling from my forehead. You should be here telling me I'm beautiful and that everything is going to be okay. Instead your gone and I'm lying here empty, giving birth.

As I hear our son take his first breath and start to cry, I feel myself start to fill again. When she cleans him and places him in my arms, our moms start to cry. I look down at him for the first time and I automatically feel a pang of guilt. I'm seeing our son for the first time and you're not here to see it. He looks just like you. His hair is so light blonde he doesn't look like he has any. When he looks up at me with his newborn blue eyes, you can see the gray already starting to come out.

The mediwitch came and asked me what I was going to name him, so that it could be placed on his records. I had thought about this question a lot lately. Do I name him something that you would name him? Do I name him the name I always had in mind? So finally I replied, "His name is Draco Lucius Malfoy II."

I couldn't think of a better name to give him.

I know it's a sad one. It came out way better than I thought it would. I'm very proud of this one. Do me a favor and leave a review and tell me what you thought about it. Thanks Mz. Raine for Beta-ing this for me on such sort notice.