The Death of Zelda

Zelda stood in a field, thinking about nothing in particular. She heard a voice from behind that said,

"Hello Zelda." Zelda turned and saw Malon. She thought that Malon looked filled with bloodlust.

"Hello Malon. What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I've had enough of you and so has everyone else. Prepare to die princess." Zelda was confused.

"Why? What did I do to deserve it?"

"There is a slight chance that you'll come between me and Link. And you're a bit annoying."

"Isn't that a bit of an over-reaction?"

"Well, I suppose it is. Anyway, prepare to die!" Malon pulled out fifty balloons and began hurling them at Zelda. Zelda tried to run, but her body was so bruised by the balloons that she could barely stand, let alone walk. Malon laughed cruelly and then took out a water pistol.

"No! Please have mercy!" Malon paid no attention. She just began squirting Zelda with it. Zelda writhed in pain and began coughing up blood. Malon stepped closer and knelt beside Zelda.

"Wh-what are you going to do to me now?" Malon stuck out her index finger. "No! Anything but that!" Malon poked Zelda on her forehead. Zelda screamed and then died.

Epilogue

Malon was filled with so much hatred for Zelda that she arranged for her to have a proper burial in a cemetery. There was a funeral and everyone hated Zelda so much that every incarnation of every person went and paid their last respects. Malon felt so guiltless that she cried and confessed to Link what she had done. Of course, Link was so overjoyed that he ceased contact with her for a year after that. And Zelda was so unpleasant that her body stayed in the grave, it didn't come back to life or anything!