I would like to dedicate this to my best friend Sarah. She is my hero, my saviour and is the light that shows me the way.
Thank you for everything thing you've done and everything you are. I love you.

How?

How am I doing this?

It's a reasonable question, simple enough too; it's just the answer that's complicated and troubling.

I shouldn't be doing this.

No. It's even more complex yet straight forward then that.

I shouldn't be able to do this.

My entire body is screaming, crying out for help that will never come. Every cell, every fibre of my being is an inferno. I'm burning… it's excruciating. My mind is raging with thoughts as pain thunders through it. The agony is intense. I waste a split second begging for a release from it all before I manage to regain my resolve.

Damn it Clark…focus on what must be done…

All I need is a little bit more, I have to reach down and grab everything that's left.
All I need is just a few more minutes. And then…

I begin to think about how it came to this. More questions weighing me down just as heavy as the weight I'm already barely lifting.
So how did it come to this?
I suppose it started with a woman, the woman.

Lois… do you even know how I feel? … I'll never see you again… I'm sorry… I …I love…

But the pain in my heart tells me I'm wrong. I know that it started with a journey, one that took 5 years.

This journey was born of desire, of a longing for a family.

It was a journey born of guilt.

I journeyed to find something that I realised I had in fact left the thing I truly wanted behind me on Earth.

Lois… what have I done? …

I was gone for 5 long years.

The world changed.

I'm a fool for thinking that it wouldn't, that upon my return it would be exactly the same as when I left.

This is all my fault…

To be continued…