Disclaimer: I do not own Resident evil 4 or any of the TV shows, movies, people, games, characters, songs or merchendise mentioned in this storey.
'1998. I'll never forget it. It was the year that…err….umm….it'll come to me….just a sec…. oh yeh! Some virus thingy broke out in this city so the government nuked the place. Then…. Dam! I'm so forgetful! Oh fuck the opening scene! No one ever listens to it anyway; all they care about is blowing shit up and blasting the crap out of Zombies!'
(End of prologue)
Leon was sitting in the back seat of an MG Rover (it was all they could get). Two Spanish police officers were sitting in the front seat. Leon was staring out of the window watching the trees go by. 'I received special training at some government agency and was assigned the duty of protecting the new presidents family. Although now his brat of a daughter has gohn and gotten herself kidnapped and I have to go and fetch her.'
One of the officers turned to Leon 'Who are you talking to amigo?'
'Errr… no one'
'You're crazy.'
'Takes one to know one!'
'What?'
'I know you are but what am I!'
'I rest my case. You're an idiot.'
The other officer joined in. 'Don't worry. He'll be dead by the end of the day.'
The other cop was pleased. 'Yes! Then we can go sing at a boy scouts bonfire.'
Leon didn't listen to the two as he was trying to open the window in the back seat but it was jammed, (well what do you expect with a car that cheap). Leon took out his pistol and fired a shot at the window blowing it to smithereens.
The driver was pissed. 'What the fuck did you do that for! We have air con!'
'I like shooting things.'
'Fuckin moron!'
Leon ignored him. He sat back and immersed himself in the cool breeze.
After a long car journey the car arrived at an old house.
One of the officers looked at Leon. 'We'll stay here and make sure we don't get any parking tickets.'
Leon gave them both funny looks. 'Right. Parking tickets.'
The trio looked ahead to see a Ganados standing in front of the car. He wrote them a parking ticket and walked off.
'Fuckin hell amigo! Ya gotta be jokin!
Leon got out of the car and walked towards the house. But he turned round and headed back to the car.
The driver looked at him. 'You forget your makeup or something?'
Leon reached through the broken window. 'As a matter of fact I did.' He took his makeup box from the seat and applied some mascara. Leon smiled and fluttered his eyes at the two officers in a queer sort of way. 'How do I look?' He asked in a queer voice.
The two officers just pretended they didn't even know him. Leon got rid of his gay side and headed back to the house. He entered without even knocking and saw a man tending to a log fire. He walked up behind him. 'Excuse me sir.' No answer. 'Sir!' Still no reply. 'Oy! Nob head! The bloke turned round with a blank look on his face. 'You seen this bitch?' Leon held out a naked picture of Jennifer Lopez. He quickly noticed and shoved it back in his pocket. 'Oops! Wrong picture! He then pulled out a picture of him hugging Goofy at Disney land. His face went bright red. The ganados burst into laughter. 'It's not funny dick shit!' Leon ripped his pistol from its holster and fired repeatedly at the ganados.
Leon looked out the window to see a truck drive aimlessly towards the little Rover. Both officers panicked; fortunately the driver reacted quick enough and drove the car out of the way just before the truck hit it. Both officers celebrated their victory but the driver stupidly forgot to take his foot off the accelerator and drove straight over the edge of the cliff.
Leon panicked. 'No time for doors.' He ran up the stairs and dived out of the top story window, landing flat on his face. Once he hauled himself up off the floor and regained his vision he looked around to see a group of angry ganados.
'There's only one thing to do.' Leon muttered to himself. He shook back his long hair, cricked his fingers and his neck then took his pistol out of the holster and looked as if he was ready for action.
It was a tense moment. Leon V The ganados. Who would win. Leon stared at them ready for action, the ganados the same.
Then suddenly Leon pointed to his left. 'LOOK IT'S A DISTRACTION!'
Every ganados looked mindlessly in the direction Leon was pointing.
'SUCKERS!' Leon ran of down the path laughing hysterically like a lunatic. While still running he looked back and stuck his finger up at the ganados while still laughing. However Leon didn't look where he was going and ran straight into a tree; he fell to the floor and was unconscious. All the ganados pointed at him and laughed.
