****These characters are not mine. They belong to lovely miss Cassandra Clare. Only this crazy, twisted plot is my demon spawn. Mwahahahahaha. Thanks for reading!******
~Remember…this shit is rated M for a reason~
IF YOU HAVE NOT READ SEND MY LOVE (TO YOUR NEW LOVER), YOU WILL WANT TO READ THAT FIRST!
A/N: Hey guys! SOOOOO… welcome to Hello, the second story in my 3 part Adele songfic series. For those of you following and favoriting me and my stories, I greatly appreciate your love, loyalty and support for me and for my work.
I will do my best to get a chapter of this story out at the beginning of every month but keep in mind, I work anywhere from 55 to 60 hour weeks so the dates may vary.
Enjoy this first chapter and don't forget to review. Love y'all and thanks for hanging with me
The Playlist for this series has been updated on Spotify. It's actually an hour long at this point! Just search for reppinda5o3 and you shall find. Let me know if it would be beneficial to make either a YouTube or Apple Music playlist and I'd be happy to set that up as well :)
Story Song:
*Adele - Hello*
Chapter Songs:
*Frans - Liar*
*Chris Brown - All Back*
*Martin Garrix, David Guetta, Jamie Scott, Romy Dya - So Far Away*
*Carolina Liar - I'm Not Over*
The weeks following Clary's departure were torture for Jace. He was caught between his past and present, possibly his future and had no idea how to escape. He knew he should be in the moment with Aline but now it became apparent that Clary was still out there, she didn't hate him and she was more accomplished and beautiful than ever. Her body had filled out since college. Her chest had grown at least a cup size and while she'd always had curves that Jace loved, they were more defined and she had hips for days. Not to mention she had become everything she'd always dreamed and more. Since he hadn't had time to hear her entire life story from Izzy, he didn't know all the details of what she was currently involved in or how she got to be such a success but he knew enough and he was so fucking proud of her. It was amazing but bittersweet because she was supposed to have become this person in California. They were supposed to have built this life together rather than on opposite sides of the country. But he was the one who had ruined that and he knew he only had himself to blame.
Jace was being aloof and passive aggressive, acting as if everything, including his girlfriend, was a burden. Aline caught on pretty quickly that something was wrong. She was a brilliant lawyer, not to mention observant and realized that the start of Jace's bad mood seemed to coincide with the trip back from his parents house. At first she was kind to him, assuming it was a hangover from all the liquor he drank but when the shortness and overall irritability ran over into the next few days, she knew she had a problem on her hands and proceeded to confront him.
He was initially evasive but it was obvious it came down to one thing…or rather, one person. She bluntly asked him to explain what kind of relationship he and Clary previously had and he didn't see any reason to lie even though he wasn't exactly thrilled to drudge up their sordid past. But he relented; he figured he'd done enough fibbing and misleading to last a lifetime. They sat down on the couch and Jace explained, without going into too much detail, the gist of what they once were to each other.
Upon finding out that he was once engaged to her, Aline asked him if Clary was what he wanted. She was hoping for a no of course but regardless of his answer, she had to put forth the question. It would be hard but she wouldn't keep a man who wanted someone else. It wasn't fair to him or her.
He had about 5 seconds where time seemed to slow down so much that he could feel each individual wisp of air rushing past his ears. Did he want Clary? He tried to apply all of the logic that 5 seconds afforded to the situation. Honestly, he liked the idea of her, she was successful and gorgeous and the memories were still there but that was the problem. They were memories. He wanted back that person that he knew almost 9 years ago and she didn't exist anymore. The woman that she was now was a stranger that looked very similar to the woman he once knew and loved. He couldn't allow himself to throw away what he'd built with Aline over the past year and a half no matter how tempted, to chase after a recollection of someone who used to be…especially when that person was already happy with someone else.
"I want you," Jace said, suddenly looking up and staring deep and determinately into his girlfriend's almond-shaped eyes. Jace wanted the words coming out of his mouth to be true more than anything and told himself that he could make it work. All he had to do was pretend like dinner at his parents' never happened.
—
It didn't take him too long though to realize how difficult it would be to go back to ignoring all things Clary. It was as if once she had been introduced back into his life, she was omnipresent. Jace was having a hard enough time trying to get her out of his head after one time of sitting across from her at dinner, which was ridiculous in itself, but it seemed like he was now getting reminders everywhere.
He picked up the LA Times one morning, while he was waiting for a client to arrive and there was an article about Clary and the newest branch of her charity opening up on the West Coast. That same night, he was going through a catalog of TED talks and just so happened to come across a forensics video of Clary presenting a new technology developed by a team she worked with, using instant retina scans to identify John and Jane Does. He knew he should turn it off but even though a lot of what she was saying should've gone straight over his head, she was able to speak in a way that most people watching would be able to gain a basic understanding. It was fascinating how engaging she was and fuck, did he love to watch her mouth move. He remembered, fondly, the things she could do with that mouth.
After the video was over, he tried to convince himself that he was done and he was going to stop thinking about her. He needed to focus on the things that were important in his life and as much as he missed what they used to have, she was no longer a part of it. He ordered Chinese takeout, took a shower and went to bed alone that night, despite the 2 missed phone calls from Aline.
A couple weeks later, he was searching through NPR for a podcast to listen to and put on one of his favorites to keep up on current events and important people. Clary made an appearance there too, among a panel of 4 other successful working women in America. She was laying out the path she took in life to gain her success, legitimizing the need to have a plan for the future and the importance of hard work. He continued to listen until the program was done, even going into work late, which was something he almost never did. It was getting harder to ignore the effect just hearing her name had on him and he both relished and dreaded it.
Jace was working from home one afternoon while sick, with the TV playing in the background, when an episode of The View came on. He was just using it for background noise as he was typing on his computer but there was no mistaking the voice that sounded through the speakers only about 20 minutes in. He looked up and scrambled for the remote to turn up the volume without a second thought. The hosts had her giving her opinion on global events but they also got her talking about her work in forensic science and investigation. She spoke about how she was currently in the process of writing her 4th book, titled "Murder In Your Own Backyard." Clary eluded that she would be working on a documentary series with the help of the OMCE to detail the everyday life of an investigator solving a real murder and had the cast cracking up while explaining how these things are not for the faint of heart as she's seen some pretty horrible things since she started her career. Then she began to talk about the charities and grant programs she had started and supported, encouraging the hosts and audience to get out and volunteer or donate to a cause, even if it wasn't any of hers. She was absolutely perfect. The audience loved her. And for the first time, Jace allowed himself to admit that he loved her too. Even if he didn't know the person she had become, even if they had every obstacle keeping them apart, he couldn't help how he felt and no amount of hiding or denial would change that.
He didn't want to hurt her, especially after the talk they'd had but Jace had to distance himself from Aline. He was falling into a depression like he'd never seen in all of his 30 years and had started drinking quite a bit just to try to shut his brain off. He either needed to find a way to suck it up and move on or form a plan and do something about it. Whichever option he went with, he couldn't involve Aline until he knew exactly what he was going to do. She was more understanding than he probably would've been in her situation and it was much more than he deserved. He wouldn't have expected anything different from her; that was just who his girlfriend was and that made Jace feel even more guilty for not being able to push his old feelings aside and just move the fuck on with the woman who was madly in love with him rather than entertaining the idea of going after a woman he probably had no shot with.
—
Two months after the night at his parents', when Jace finally got around to his monthly phone call with Alec, he was dreading the conversation more than he should've. First, he knew that the moment he so much as breathed into the phone, Alec would know something was wrong with him. His brother was very perceptive and he knew how to read Jace well considering how much time they'd spent together both before and after his adoption. That was something they never spoke about and Alec treated him like he was blood anyway, just like the rest of the Lightwoods. Since Alec had gotten his degree in Psychology and became a full time therapist, he'd gotten even better at picking up on the small things that other people would probably miss.
Jace was also worried that he would hear her voice in the background. He was already out of control and hearing the voice of the one person who haunted his dreams over the phone, rather than on TV or through the radio, he knew would be a different experience altogether. He didn't know how long he'd be able to hold it together, considering the last time they spoke, she pretty much dismissed him from her life once again. He couldn't blame her but fuck, it caused a gut wrenching feeling to take over his body.
He drank almost a half bottle of Scotch before he finally worked up the nerve to make the call and just like he thought, Alec answered the phone and knew there was something off as soon as he spoke his first sentence. It may have had something to do with the slight slur in his words but he had no doubt his brother could hear the sadness that was overtaking him.
"Jace, I can tell something's up just by the way you said hello. What's going on?"
"Is Clary there?" Jace asked, tentatively.
"No, she took Gracie to a Mommy and Me class. God, I don't know what we'd do without her."
"I need to talk to someone and I'm not sure if I need a therapist or my brother right now."
"Well, I imagine you're going to get a bit of both. I won't say anything about what we talk about but I'm going to have to put you on speakerphone for a while. I'm folding laundry and I have to get this done before the next load comes out of the dryer. We're going to a benefit tonight. Magnus is around here somewhere but I know he wouldn't say anything either. If that's an issue, then I may have to call you back," Alec explained.
"No, it's fine. I really need to get this off my chest and maybe Magnus will have some advice as well since he is close to the situation."
"I'm assuming this has something to do with Clary?" Alec inquired.
"Yes. I can't stop thinking about her, Alec. I managed to put her in Pandora's box for 8 years and bury that box in the back of my mind but seeing her at mom and dad's just…I don't know, dug it up and spilled the contents like a flood. I can't put her back in no matter how hard I try. When Aline got tired of me treating her like crap for almost a week after we got home, we ended up having a discussion about my prior engagement and she flat out asked me if I wanted Clary," Jace sighed and rubbed his temples before taking another long swig of Scotch, already growing weary of the conversation. "I told her that I wanted to stay with her and it's true…I thought about it and I didn't lie so that's good I guess. I want to be with Aline but it's not because I love her…it's because I want things to remain easy, exactly the way they are right now. I'd be ecstatic to be able to say that I'm the guy that does the expected thing and proposes to the beautiful girl who's willing to do anything for him; gives her 2.5 kids, buys a nice house in the Suburbs and starts driving a minivan or something all because she means so much to him…but we both know that guy can't be me. I'm not that guy for her. I am the guy that just saw the love of his life for the first time in over 8 years and I can't let these feelings for her go, even if she's someone new. She's so much more than that 22 year old college student that I parted ways with and she did that without me, Alec. Do you know what that feels like?" Jace admitted.
"Jace, I'm going to be honest with you…not sure if this is more of the therapist talking or more of your brother but I guess it's irrelevant. The point is, it was your actions that led to this outcome. You had your chance with her and you wasted it. Now, she's a confident, happy, good person. She's said on multiple occasions that she doesn't hate you. She even asks how you're doing every once in a while which is more than I can say for you. But…you cheated on her and you can't expect someone to want you to be a part of their life after that kind of betrayal. You were selfish. That doesn't sound to me like someone who respects or cares about anyone but themselves. She wishes the best for you but how could she ever trust you again?" Alec reasoned. Jace took another large swig off the bottle.
"That's it though. That's the worst part. I didn't even fucking cheat on her. I paid that girl to get on top of me. Yes, she was shirtless and so was I but we both still had our pants on. I never even touched her. I just needed an excuse for Clary to leave me. She never would've let me go otherwise. I knew KK and Magnus were coming to that party and I left my bedroom door open on purpose. I knew one of them would come to find me eventually. That girl was sitting on top of me for over 30 minutes and I didn't even get hard because all I could think about was Clary. But I asked her to marry me at 22 and when I went to tell Bash about it, he made some pretty good points. I was still in my college years. I hadn't really sowed my wild oats and I was worried that I would end up just like my father. He married my mom young and he ended up ruining her life with the endless trail of women he paraded in front of her and I wouldn't do that to Clary so I did what I could to end things the only way I knew how," Jace drunkenly admitted.
"First, if you think the worst part of that story is that Clary thinks you cheated when you didn't, you're in for the shock of a lifetime but you're obviously very intoxicated so maybe we should discuss this another…"
Just then, there was a swishing noise in the background before another voice came through the phone, much angrier than the first.
"You fucking idiot. I can't believe you would do that to her. I don't give a fuck if you cheated or not. Letting her believe that you did was a cruel fucking thing to do. That girl cried in her room for nearly 24 hours straight. She was inconsolable. She walked around like a zombie for the whole week of finals and she still came home and cried herself to sleep every night. She gave you her heart, which we both know was extremely hard for her and you threw it back in her face like it meant nothing. You aren't your father, Jace, and if anything, I would think seeing what it did to your mother and the tragedy that happened afterward would've kept you from doing that to Clary. Fuck, it took her years to get over what you did to her," Mags yelled.
"It didn't seem like it took years. I saw her at L&N the last day of finals. It looked like she was having an awfully good time dancing with half the guys in the club," Jace said, petulantly.
"You have got to be kidding me. I can't believe you're that childish. The only thing that seemed to be able to pull her out of her funk was your sister. She got her to go out and have fun because we couldn't get her to leave her room besides to go to class…And what the fuck were you doing at the club? Who are you to judge her? It's not like you were there to just hang out. I'll bet money that the whole week she was crying over you, you were fucking every chick you could get your hands on and don't tell me you left that club alone," Mags scolded.
Jace had the decency to look contrite, not that they could see it through the phone but he wasn't really thinking of that as he downed another drink.
"I know I'm a liar, an idiot, an asshole, a douche bag and any other name you want to call me. I deserve it all. I fucked up big time. Bigger than I've ever fucked up at anything in my entire life. Because she was my life. But I have to fix it. She said goodbye at mom and dad's like we would never see each other again and I can't have that. I can't get her out of my mind. I'm not made to love anyone but her."
"Jace, you do know that 8 years can change a lot about a person. She's not the same Clary you knew in college. She…she's better. She really is amazing but you know Clary has a boyfriend and they seem really happy. They've been together for about 8 months and that's the longest relationship she's had since you. If you ruin that for her, then you're more selfish than I ever thought you could be." Alec stated.
"Don't you think I've spent hours and hours thinking about the fact that I don't know her anymore. She's a fucking phantom and I don't care. I admit it, I'm a selfish prick. I don't care what it takes. I don't care that she has a boyfriend. I will do anything. She's mine and I want her back," Jace growled, possessively, now with an almost empty bottle in his hand.
"Oh, hell no. You need to check your shit at the door, asshole. I don't care what you think you're entitled to. She doesn't belong to you. She doesn't belong to anyone. Pull your head out of your ass. What is it with you and breaking your girlfriend's hearts? First Clary, then Aline and now you're trying to pull Clary back into your bullshit again while you're still with Aline. You aren't doing that to Firefly. You need to get some help and not from Alec. He's too close to the situation. Get your shit together, Jace…and sober the fuck up." Mags raged before abruptly ending the call.
Jace just looked at the phone, not believing that he just got hung up on. He had no idea what to do. He obviously had no support from his brother or brother in law, despite explaining that he never cheated but he did understand, even in his drunken state, that Mags was trying to protect her. God, she'd seemed so calm when she left his room after he told her he didn't want to be with her anymore…and at the club, dancing with Izzy and the other guys; he never realized how broken she could've been, how broken Mags told him she was. What really got him though was the memory of her allusive way of finally telling him she loved him when setting the ring on the table. Even if it was indirectly, she'd never said it before that moment. He'd purposely blocked it from his mind, it was just easier to keep it in the box with everything else but now, it was tormenting him. The agony he felt over what he'd done to the only woman he'd ever loved hit him hard for the first time and hot tears spilled down his cheeks. He couldn't remember the last time he'd cried but the gravity of the situation wouldn't allow them to stop.
He had no idea how he was going to persuade her to come back to him. Jace knew that he shouldn't, that he should just leave her be but he didn't know if he could physically stop himself from going after her at that point. He figured the alcohol probably wasn't going to lead to the best decisions so he decided sleep was his best option. He'd hopefully have a better grasp on how to deal with his feelings and the current state of affairs in the morning.
He downed the rest of the bottle of Scotch and stumbled to his room, tears still silently falling and him wiping them with the sleeve of his hoodie. When he got into bed and laid his head down, the sheets smelled all wrong. They carried Aline's scent, him having not bothered to change them since he'd barely been home. That just made him weep even harder. He didn't want to smell jasmine, he wanted to smell cherry blossoms, he missed her smell. Jace knew he couldn't sleep in that room so he got up and moved as fluidly as possible to the closest guest room, throwing himself onto the bed face first into the pillow. He held it close and quietly sobbed for hours, wallowing in his pain until his pillow case was soaked, before finally falling into a fitful sleep.
